29 October 2002 10:32
Thank you for the encomium, if belter is indeed a compliment. Encomia are pretty thin on the ground these days.
No doubt you'll be off to the Useless Chef for a slap-up meat tea on your birthday. Warm Budweiser and seconds of sprouts. Yummy!!!
And talking of food, I've just spotted Susanne's infinitely more sensible guide to places to eat in St Hias - somehow we managed to miss all of them, so will cut out and keep and try again next time we're down. We've tried to go to the Ventura several times, but every time it's been closed. Did you know Trevor fell off his chair there once?
Knowing that you're such an admirer of Mr Tony and his chums, I think it is your duty as part of your commitment to educashun and life long learning to get the Team off to an Ann Summers party as soon as possible. The Shauns will probably come back with a blow-up Welshman.
On second thoughts, perhaps you'd better keep Orm at home.
29 October 2002 12:41
Damn right, boy! I can't remember the last time I saw an encomium, let alone got one. It's just a pity that no one has any idea where they come from and attempts to breed them in captivity have failed so miserably.
As for a slap-up birthday nosh, I shall probably have one but it will have been made by my own foul hand. Remember, I work in St. Ives so, ipso facto, I can't afford to dine out in St. Ives (other than on the charity of udders). Hopefully, though, as a birthday treat the Reporting Team will do the washing up.
Talking of which, the Reporting Team are raring to go to the Ann Summers party, they are just waiting for Helen to confirm the date and venue! Are you going or is it just Helen and the team?
29 October 2002 17:49
Dunno, I'll ask her. Can't afford the batteries myself.
Hope the case of beer has by now been broached and thoroughly slurped, or was it more warm Budweiser, a drink for which no known useful purpose exists?
29 October 2002 18:08
'S funny, you should mention that because when I went to collect my winnings t'other day Tony said that it had been taken by a gang of cuddly animals who claimed it 'on my behalf' for a party they were going to.
PS. Do you really need batteries to go to these parties? I had better equip Reporting Team with a small supply. Alkaline or lithium?
PPS. You forget the one perfect condition when consumption of a warm budweiser is sheer ecstasy .....
..... it's when the proprietor begs you for said bottle's contents in order to douse the flames which are engulfing his groin!
30 October 2002 08:18
Lithium every time. A little more expensive, I know, but they won't let you down at that crucial moment.
30 October 2002 08:34
Right, lithium it is then. The Reporting Team have just scuttled off down the Stennack to get a supply ..... they hope!
'Batteries, boy? That'll be that new-fangled electricity stuff, won't it? Not sure we've got any in stock. No demand for these poncy London gizmos down here, you see. How about some mackerel, fresh off the boat?'
Assuming they can track down some batteries will Helen come and pick the Reporting Team up to go to this party or do they need to meet her somewhere?
31 October 2002 18:14
I don't understand this here electric mail either, but I think this might be the answer to a question somebody asked several days ago. Or maybe not.
"Conceptual bullshit" - Kim Howells. If you don't watch out, you might find yourself agreeing with a member of Mr Tony's "government".
Happy Birthday from us.
----- Original Message -----
From: Helen Bristol
To: Andrew Macdonald
Sent: Tuesday, October 29, 2002 6:24 PM
Subject: Re: Stopped Raining
As its a girly thing do you really think Andrew would want to go? Can't imagine what he would need batteries for unless its one of them there dado rails. Date and venue tba, in vicarage if wet.
01 November 2002 13:55
er, I think I can just about where in the conversation this is supposed to fit. Next time I'll borrow the Tardis before I open any of your missives!
Birthday was not totally intolerable but I'm back in the slave pits tonight (and all weekend). Already my life is beginning to flash before my eyes ..... and damn dull it is too.
Talking of which, spotted this Gary Larson Far Side cartoon which pretty much sums up how I visualise you and Helen entertaining yourselves during those long, dark winter nights in the East Anglian marshes!
01 November 2002 17:57
It's quite simply really. He emailed your message to me????????? being a 2 computer household we each have our own domain. We do speak to each other on alternate Fridays.
Have a great evening Happy Birthday
Sorry, forgot to send it. Still the thought was there. Did you enjoy being 21?
01 November 2002 21:43
Sorry to hear about your communication difficulties. You know you can always use the Spooky St. Ives E-Mail Section to get in touch with each other!
Birthday a moderate success. I managed to con a few free drinks out of the charitably-inclined and the Reporting Team enjoyed a night of rich plunder trick or treating.
They didn't do the washing up, though
01 November 2002 18:05
Got it in one, how did you guess. I've still got the bruises to prove it, at least I think they are from that particular flight of fancy.
01 November 2002 21:44
I don't know.
Maybe it was your loving descriptions of the joys of living in the Wild East.
Or maybe it was that bloke's uncanny resemblance to Andrew.
Let's just hope you didn't get those bruises at an Ann Summers party!
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