Fur And Feathers


Helen Bristol

11 January 2003 17:51

Congerats

Hey Spookster,
 
What a fantastic idea letting the Reporting Team loose. You've trained them, let 'em earn their soup and crimbo pressies. Out of this world.  Never happens in real life.  I can see it all now.  The RT out there beavering away while you sit in your "office" with your feet up on the desk, a green shaded lamp illuminating the copy and a Monte Cristo #4 clamped between your pearly whites......Nah somehow can't reconcile that with the baggies and bandana.
 
I can just see Roob and Custard doing a Life Style section, the Sonics on sport as well as the psyche stuff (liked my sign! pretty near the mark, 's funny I was just looking a some rubber wall linings!) and all the local human/animal interest stories. Who'll take the piccies? Has to be a winner.  Look out GQ, OK and all the other initialled mags.
 
Seriously though, its looking good....................
 
 .................Sorry, thought I heard a cry for help emanating from the back kitchen so I went to investigate - just in case Big Mac had done something unspeakable to the Wusthof and stabbed himself in the process.  The knife's OK.  By the way, thanks for the virus.  He was only sneezing.  Hope I don't catch it. 
 
With the days getting longer, things are getting better

Vile Jelly

11 January 2003 22:19

Cheers, m'dear.
 
I am very much hoping that the Reporting Team will be able to establish themselves as avant-garde authors so I can live off their earnings in my frail dotage (i.e. in a week or so).
 
Hope Big Mac survived his kitchen experience. You see, the startled shriek perfectly sums up why he should be using Globals instead of a Wusthof. Globals are so damn sharp that you don't actually feel anything when you lop your fingers off with them. The first thing you know about it is when you find that your ability to play the piano has been reduced by 50%!
 
PS. What virus? Admittedly I have been full of germans over the last couple of weeks but the sheep dip should prevent them being transmitted via the electric mail.

Helen Bristol

12 January 2003 18:26

Tish and puush, such ageist claptrap. Consider yourself to be approaching frail dotage at 22 do you? Wait 'til you reach 27, mi lad!  OK, so you fancy retiring soon - don't we all?  Want to be a kept man?  Why not copy the ad I saw in the local PO window "Ron* wants to be a rich widow's plaything. Apply (tel No.) All offers considered"
* insert own name here
 
Thanks for your concern about Big Mac. We fished about in the korma but haven't yet found the bit that shouldn't've been in there. Still, we're both OK, except himself and his poorly throat, he'll just have to have another medicinal Scotch (ahh there's nothing like a McAfee!!!!!!!) and I'll have to have one as a prophylactic.
 
Have to be careful with that sheepdippy stuff, can have strange effects on people - goodness knows what it does to the sheep ( best you ask the Shauns) they have to swim in it.
 
Another twitching trip this afternoon. Still definitely numb bum time.  I'm only just thawing out. Buggerall about, sensible things were probably snuggled up together sniggering at the likes of us, " Ooo, look there's a green one, and another, a whole flock of them. And that must be the female all drab and brown. Now what's THAT one purple legs, shocking pink breast and I'm sure I saw a hint of blue above the black eyestripe. And they've all got red beaks!!!"  No blackbirds singing in the dead of night though.

Vile Jelly

12 January 2003 21:32

The Shauns claim that the sheep dip is perfectly safe to drink and it hasn't affected them. Or the invisible musical rubber plant that visits them from time to time.
 
Yes, I find alcohol is the best treatment for illnesses of that ilk. As far as I am aware it has no medicinal value but as you're going to feel like Keith Richards warmed up in the morning you might as well get shlobbleobble the night before.
 
Didn't know you were into big bird hunting. What do you prefer, a punt gun or a shotgun? Did you go to the Lelant/Hayle swamps when you were down here. That's some sort of marsh birdery. Often when you drive along the causeway you see people furtively setting up binoculars/cameras by the roadside. I always honk my horn loudly as I find that's the best way to flush out any birds that might be lurking there!
 
PS. Forgot to ask first time round. Title; 'Congerats'. Are they like conger eels only furry?

Helen Bristol

13 January 2003 18:26

Re: Congerats - yep, got it in one and they always go around the Blue Mountain in a long line. (ask Jeeves)
 
Have been to the Hayle swamp time before last. So it was you that sent them all up in the air. We were searching for a raptor. Beware some of them birds is big and could carry off a small hedgehog-keeper.
 
 I don't like things that go Bang so I prefer the longbow you get a pleasing twang-sssssh-thunk. Twitchers can look absurd standing in cold remote places waiting for a glimpse of something miles away that might, just might  be a rare-visitor-from-Siberia-if-you-ignore-the-fact-that-the-prevailing-wind-is-in-the-opposite-direction-and-anyway-it-has-been-extinct-for-100-years. You can create mayhem by standing and staring through your bins at nothing and when someone asks what it was you can make up anything and then say that it has just flown away. I shall probably be drummed out of the brownies for this!
 
 I have never felt like warming up Keith Richards at any time least of all in the morning.  Looking like he does I'm not surprised he tries to enhance the image through an alcohol-haze.
 
Big Mac is being inspired, or possibly procrastinating) probably only to prove the superiority of the Wus over the Glob. in my humble opinion - no contest. Me I'm pro-European.  I thought soup and starter thingies was my province but he's busy slicing'n'dicing (makes a change from the shake'n'vac)
 
Anyway, I'm off to do mundane domestic stuff.........

Vile Jelly

14 January 2003 15:56

Pah, I fear not the wrath of terror-dactyls while I can defend myself with hedgehogs!
 
Personally, I have always found bird snoopers a bit strange ..... but, then, that's coming from a man who cohabits with a bunch of cuddly refugees from various media so I suppose that that means they are perfectly normal!
 
How's Big Mac coping? Hope he's got the hang of playing with chefs' knives now or he will rapidly become Ever-decreasing Mac!

Helen Bristol

14 January 2003 18:10

Strange how???????
 
Could be worse, we might all spend our time gawping at screens of one type or another.  We can't all say we're researching for a book. I'm perfectly normal, its all the others.
 
He's practising juggling with 2 chorizos, the Husband a red pepper. Muttered something about Bologna,......or was it boloney? or maybe just Bolly..can't recall.  Whatever he does will be just fine, and the cooking's not bad either.  Not noticeably smaller yet and still has all his fingers.

Vile Jelly

14 January 2003 18:27

Still got all his fingers? That's what you get for using blunt german knives!
 
PS. Of course, you're perfectly normal. The individual is everything. What is society if not a collection of individuals? Normality is just an excuse for inadequate people to justify the mediocrity of their existence. Nobody who has ever achieved anything has been normal. It's a contradiction in terms of function.
 
PPS. At least that's what the Shauns' invisible musical rubber plant tells me!

Helen Bristol

14 January 2003 19:47

Right hand - that's 4 fingers and a thumb; left hand - perhaps Soupie would like to start knitting some fingerless mittens for him.
 
I couldn't agree more with the invisible musical Latex Grandifolia.
 
Of course, one could argue that being mediocre they do not recognise their mediocrity and believe themselves to be special.  And what is more powerful than believing that something is so? If one believes then it IS. A perfect example of this is in Snow White - the wicked queen was the most beautiful in the land until her belief was destroyed and her shattered self belief became destructive. On the other hand special people do not necessarily recognise that they are .......as I'm sure you are well aware?
 
Big Mac has just performed the TOMATO TEST.  Perfect thin slices, all fingers present and correct.  This must be really pissing you off!

Vile Jelly

15 January 2003 15:50

Oh hell, I don't mind if he keeps his fingers, I haven't got any use for them. Of course, his digit retention could just be due to the bluntness of his knives!
 
Of course, any fool can slice and dice veg at their leisure. The real issue is whether you can slice and dice at high speed in ridiculously cramped conditions at a moment's notice for hours at a time.
 
Suggest you get a field's worth of veg and submit his wusthof skills to a four hour examination this weekend!

Helen Bristol

15 January 2003 18:29

I've got other ideas for this weekend so the fieldwork placement will have to wait.  We'll do some stamina training first. 4 hours? That would be a VERY large field, and even I would be hard pressed to use that quantity of veg. Has Soupie got any suggestions?
 
Now a head to head - Wusthof v Global - could be a riveting spectator sport. Got the knives, got the field, just need the veg, the willing competitors and St. John's Ambulance brigade.

Vile Jelly

15 January 2003 21:45

Something (planned) for the weekend, eh? Ooh err, missus!
 
Actually, you wouldn't need that big a field. Have you ever tried doing veg brunoise? You have to cut the buggers into 2mm cubes. Believe me, a whole turnip takes aeons.
 
Of course, I'm not sure that you can do brunoise with a blunderbuss like a wusthof .....
 
PS. Soupie suggest that you leave the boys to play with their toys and head off to a disreputable bar for champers and chippendales. That's what she does when the RT blokes are busy playing footie and rugger.

Helen Bristol

16 January 2003 18:18

What's 2mm in old money?  I didn't know that our Frankie had a veg prep technique named after him.  Do you have quality control checking every piece?
 
OK hint taken, I shall not mention the toys again,  but I still enjoy driving the coupe.
 
Great minds think alike, Soupie, dear. Which bar does she go to?  Disreputable bars we have in plenty. As we do champers.  But I'm happy to say chipmunks do little for me, one hears they are not that interested in the ladies???? Only hearsay of course. Oiled, rippling muscles, lithe, tanned bodies, perfect white teeth and sprayed-on smiles, the lights are on but there's no one home.  Please there has to be something more interesting than this in life. Bird snooping f'rinstance, or slicing turnips into 2mm pieces.
 
Shall now repair to the scullery to light the stove for some hot water to do the laundry.  After which I shall prepare a sumptuous repast a deux - to get us in the mood for le weekend!

Soup Dragon

16 January 2003 18:35

Hello Helling,
 
It is I, Soupie.
 
In answer to your query the Chippendales referred to are antique furniture (as, alas, so are many of the male humans we associate with!). They are very useful for propping up the bottles of Veuve de Vernay.
 
Good luck with Big Mac, and, if you'll excuse the girl's talk, I do hope that that it isn't a weak end!

Helen Bristol

16 January 2003 18:45

Hello Soupie,
 
No chance!!
 
Oh you mean Chippendale as in Sheraton or Louis XV
 
There's something reassuring about an antique, all that life they have experienced. You know they aren't going to collapse as soon as you place your Stewart crystal on it.

Soup Dragon

16 January 2003 19:29

Thou speakest truly ...
 
... but who is this Stewart bloke?
 
I hope that you are not trying to get away with daylight crockery!

Helen Bristol

16 January 2003 19:52

You're too sharp for your own good!  Beware the globals
 
Don't ask about Stewart and I won't have to tell you any lies!

Soup Dragon

17 January 2003 10:41

My scales are sealed.
 
Have fun with stew, I do with soup.
 
Luv,
 
Soupie

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