A Quiet Knight In?

[Continued from Fur And Feathers]

Helen Bristol

17 January 2003 18:29

Re: Congerats

I knew I could trust you! but how did Alfie come into it?
 You know how it is with the boys (RT & VJ)?  They think that you know what they're thinking just because they have thought it. What am I supposed to be - telepathetic?  It's been will he/won't he with No2 son dithering about coming from up t'north to visit his dear old mum. Now you know that I had plans for the weekend?  Well, he will. No2 son that is not Big Mac. So he's arriving (205 permitting) tomorrow. It'll be just like the days of yore when I was the only female in the household.  But you know all about that.  Never mind there's always another weekend - it'll give me more time to build up the stamina. 
Cooking rosta's completely up the spout this week so Big Mac is on duty tonight. Where's the corkscrew?  Just going to put my feet up and relax.

Soup Dragon

17 January 2003 18:48

Helling, dear,
Fret ye not.
I know what it is like to be beset by male stereotypes. The number of times I was interrupted in the Soup Mine by young knights wanting to slay their first dragon ...
... well, after I'd laughed contemptuously at the size of their lance they didn't feel quite so bold I can tell you!
PS. I'm not the only female you know. Giftig is a giant rattlesnake-ess (she's curled up with Orm and they have a coral snake, Bertie, to look after now) and I have a daughter, Miss Mini Soup Dragon. Unfortunately, she hangs out a lot of the time with the Reporting Team so I am starting to worry ...
PPS. In case your wondering (hem, hem) she is a foundling. There's not many people who can correctly identify a dragon egg but fortunately VJ was on the ball (for once) and rescued it from the resis breakfast menu before the evil deed was done. So, I am a hatch-mother rather than a direct parent. Still, one must look after one's own kind.
PPPS. Have you any idea how rare dragons are these days? I was shocked when I saw the figures but you don't see an RSPD collecting funds for the needy, do you?

Helen Bristol

19 January 2003 16:17

I am disturbed (people always said so) by the rarity of your species. Are you in contact with Lady Sybil?  I believe she breeds several varieties of Dragon.  Perhaps the RSPB could be persuaded to extend their activities to all flying creatures ( RSPDB&B).  They seem to put up nest boxes for birds, roost boxes for bats, why not something similar for dragons? 
Interesting that you, like me have (part of) a brood for whom you are the hatch-mother not the direct parent. They still feel like your own though when you've gone through all the parenting traumas.  I can sympathise with your concerns about Miss Mini and the RT, young turks might try to get in some practise with their lances.
Talking of youngsters - he didn't. Not Big Mac, I mean No 2 son.  The 205 had a flat battery!!!!!!  -  but can't say anything because females don't know a thing about the internal combustion engine?  Except of course that they need fuel and a non-dead battery.
Still - every cloud has a silver lining ( with the exception of those that I am looking at out of the window ), back to Plan A for the weekend.  Feeling absolutely kna  -  exhausted now.  Added to which I can hardly move 'cos I've pulled my back again.  I really will have to find an alternative way of washing the kitchen floor!  We didn't do everything I had planned but you have to make allowances for Big Mac at his age....
Oh, and, I think Big Mac is trying to impress you - he's souping again.  He thinks I don't notice these things......  woman hath no fury like a Helling scorned!

Soup Dragon

19 January 2003 17:33

'Lo 'Ling,
It is I, Soupie,
Had a hard day down the soup mines ..... hit an unexpected vein of alcohol so was forced to suck it all out to prevent flooding. (It's tough, I know, but that's what it's like when you're managing your own mine workings).
Fortunately, just when I thought I was struggling the boys from the RT turned up. I must admit I thought the end was nigh in the face of the seemingly endless flood but the RT blokes started talking about footie, rugger, krikkit, VJ's embarrassing personal problems, etc. and you can't believe how much alcohol was consumed in the process!
I always knew they'd come up trumps when push came to shove.
PS. VJ says he has got complete symphony with the state of your back. Someone once asked him why he had so many cuts and burns from working in the slave pits. He replied, "It takes my mind off the back pain".
We heartily suggest that you cuddle up with hedgehogs, sheep, flat people, dragons and other quality people ..... oh, and a large vat of some sort of alcoholic restorative!

Helen Bristol

19 January 2003 17:54

The cuddling up with and the anaesthetic and calming effects of alkol sound good to me except I'm supposed to be at a (yawn, yawn) meeting at 8.30 ack emma. 
Always thought you could rely on the RT, you hadn't inadvertently mined into Smeatons Beer had you?  Can't imagine SI being awash with booze!!
Nearly 6 o'clock so I'll go and get Big Mac to crack open a bottle of something, daren't try myself, the effort of pulling the cork could do untold damage to me already weak parts.

Soup Dragon

19 January 2003 18:25

I heartily suggest that you embrace the cuddly/shlobbleobbley scenario. Sounds like you are in need of it.
If you are having trouble with weak parts, I can only recommend the use of scales and fire-breathing. Believe me, the scales have defended me against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (and knaughty knights) and the latter has saved me a lot of grief (and comes in handy when the bath water starts going tepid!)

Helen Bristol

20 January 2003 16:17


Yes Soupie I needed the "tonic" - not that it picked me up and dusted me off, quite the reverse. Do you ever have those days when you know as soon as the cat wakes you up that you really shouldn't get out of bed?  Today was such a day.  That meeting? Wasn't until 9.30.  After that I really couldn't be bothered to get my thoughts together in any coherent way so I went home.
The meteorological things don't help much either,  wet, cold, windy - (No not Big Mac, though you'd need on if it stays like this) anyone would think it was the middle of winter. BUT the days are getting longer.
The warm bath sounds tempting but I fear I might get embarrassingly stuck.........

Soup Dragon

20 January 2003 19:20

Rubbish, woman .....
If Big Mac has the slightest regards to you he wouldn't hesitate to get up every hour on the hour to top up your hot bath water, until such time as you decided to become unstuck.
PS. Are you sure you can't do the 'fire-flies-out-of-the-mouth' thing? VJ swears blind his mother did every time he was caught doing something naughty.
PPS. Failing that get Big Mac to come into the bathroom and talk about blokish things. That should give you enough hot air to get you through the week.
PPPS. VJ says "Have you ever seen that monument to the employee who worked themselves to death to support other people who were too busy looking after themselves?"
PPPPS. No, apparently he hasn't either. I'm sure there's a moral in there somewhere.

Helen Bristol

21 January 2003 19:13

But I'd go all wrinkly like a prune.
Undoubtedly my offspring think that I can do the 'fire-flies-out-of-the-mouth' thing too, but then small children have such vivid imaginations.  They would probably also swear blind that they've seen my brrrroomstick.
Haven't seen that monument but then I'm always too busy to go around looking at fine art, except when we're in SI, and much of what we saw in the Tat was outshone by miles by the view across the beach and the beautiful Kernow Kountryside.

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