Captain Nemo Me Lacessit Impune!

"Winwaloe" [Continued from Getting A Bad Report?]

30 January 2003 10:14

Re: Thoughts from rather too far up country

Well this is clearly because they can't tell talk from mutter (this could be a good line for the reporting team). To us up country folk it is clear that St Ives must be full of scandal and gossip. All those artist and poetry types, new ageists, old ageists and assorted others. Must be something there and anyway, what sort of news editor are you, do what the others do MAKE IT UP!!!!! - I can see the headlines now "Fishing boat eaten by giant squid", "Swimmer eaten by giant squid", "Naked artist reading poetry eaten by giant squid", "Pasty eaten by giant squid", "George W Bush and Phoney Blair eaten by giant squid" (now there's a thought).

Is there any truth in the rumour that St Ives seagulls are being hired by the American Airforce as their aim is better than their pilots?, Is it true that the waitress in the Balancing Eel will be the new Miss World (should be), Are blue hedgehogs about to become extinct. Come on you've got no
tourists to worry about get out there and strut your stuff - - Tereba nessa

Vile Jelly

30 January 2003 16:26

Make it up? MAKE IT UP!

We pride ourselves on finding out the truth and then telling you like it isn't. If we started making things up we might find that we inadvertently become an authoritative source of information. Shudder.

The giant squid idea has got potential, though. In fact, to paraphrase Frank Carson, ..... it's a kraken! I shall attempt to raise one from the depths of the Atlantic and train it to ravage the tourist-infested shores in the height of Summer. I shall become the master of St. Ives. Bwahahahaha!

PS. Talking of which, had an e-mail from the excessively legendary Andrew Macdonald who claims that you are just making up those funny little words at the end of your e-mails and they aren't really a language at all. The Shauns have been asking if you've been pulling the wool over their eyes all this time.

PPS. I very much doubt that blue hedgehogs are in any danger of extinction. For a start their much tougher than their brown cousins and secondly, they can afford to hire bodyguards as they are fantastically wealthy from all the money they made in console games!

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