Snakes Alive!

Andrew Macdonald

15 January 2002 17:59

Re: Greetings

Trevor didn't sound too thrilled about New Year either, but glad to see you've stirred a debate with Alan Spencer. Nothing like a good old dose of spleen, vituperation and obloquy to keep us all amused on these long dark evenings - at least those of us who didn't manage to win a bottle of vodka last Friday.
"I had a fantastic night in St. Ives dressed as a seagull, mainly dancing on the beach and meeting many people, young and old, who were having an equally good time, which I don't agree actually makes me a stupid person."
Well, yes actually, it does, but probably not for the reasons intended.  Anyone who turns up dressed as a seagull in St Ives on New Year's Eve (or Old Year's Night, as we call it round here) needs their bumps felt ( and I mean that in the Jungian (or was it Freudian?) sense rather than any other which may flit across anyone's mind).  If I was going to turn up in St Ives in fancy dress on a dark night with lots of well fuelled St Ivesians on the rampage the last thing I'd turn up as was a bloody seagull knowing how much you lot treasure and cherish the ones you've already got.  Lady Godiva would have been a safer bet.  But I guess he survived otherwise no full and frank exchange of views.
I did notice the site was a bit wobbly around the time the New Year pages went up, and I was going to email the Wardrobe Mistress, but I thought No, he's got enough to worry about keeping two sheep, two hedgehogs, an eric and a dragon fed and gainfully employed.  When did the Soup Dragon join the team?
Happy New Year, by the way, and don't tell the Shauns, but it's Burns night next week, and that means haggis, and where does haggis come from?  Enough..


15 January 2002 18:47

All in all, Trevor, like quite a few locals I know well enough to get a genuine opinion, seemed to regard New Year's Eve with the same enthusiasm as a man being told that it looks like it is going to be a beautiful morning. The man in question being one who is due to be shot at dawn.
Mind you, he ought be a tad more cheerful now. Not only did he win the bottle of vodka last Friday but the Friday before we (i.e. myself and the wrinklies) won the pork and the lamb. As it happened we had (with the delicious irony that can only lead you to the conclusion that God does exist and he's an evil vindictive git) been to Tesco's in Cardboard Bay that morning to purchase, amongst other things, a joint of pork for our Sunday roast. So, we donated the pork to Trevor.
Of course, had you but bothered to leave a forwarding address we could have posted it to you. Obviously, it would have been unusable by the time it arrived but it sure as hell would have taught the sorting office a lesson in forwarding the post on time!
The Soup Dragon(s), I now have two, joined the crew just before Crimbo. They are not a problem (at least they work for a living) compared to other unpublished responsibilities I have. I had for a couple of year's been the owner of a Swedish boa constrictor (purchased from Ikea) called Orm. My parents, in their very finite wisdom, gave me for Xmas a female Swedish rattle snake (from you know where) called Giftig. They are both between 7 and 8 foot long and already have given birth to a 3 foot coral snake (I didn't know cuddly toys could reproduce, Darwin certainly missed that one!). Frankly, I'm worried.
I wouldn't worry about offending the Shauns sensibilities as they don't actually have any. They are sheep after all. In fact, the kamikaze Shaun likes nothing better than to wind us all up by going round worrying dogs and wearing mint sauce aftershave.
Oh, yes, and a very Happy New Year to you to. What are you doing on 31 December 2002? I think there will be a few St. Iveans looking to see in the New Year somewhere else. What goes on down your way?

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