Halfway To Paradise!


Helen Bristol

15 February 2003 15:24

Re. Testing

Umm.........
 
Custard sound uncharacteristically placatory.  CM thinks he's allowed to be judgemental owing to his oriental ancestry. He's walked all over the keyboard, even sat on it but the pages were not available.
 
Just had a spooky experience!  I was surfing the net and typed Redenhall ( our parish name) into Google and clicked on about the only info that wasn't someone from the US of A trying to trace his ancestry back to European royalty.( I bet even Dubya has had a go at that.  Would be deliciously ironic if his forebears were French or German) As the page began to unfold the background was the same as SSI. Even Big Mac was temporarily confused when I called him in to have a look.
 
See you're all set for a busy summer!  Said in today's paper (so it must be true) that surfing is THE thing this summer and all the surfer-dudes and dudesses will be heading for Cornwall. There, I thought that would cheer you up.

Vile Jelly

15 February 2003 17:16

Aaaaah, even more emmets .....
 
I console myself with the thought that if I knuckle down and fight the good fight I'll get my reward in the afterlife .....
 
..... unless, of course, this is the afterlife, in which case I've died and gone to hell!

Helen Bristol

15 February 2003 17:32

Thought you lived in St Ives not Cardboard Bay!

Vile Jelly

16 February 2003 08:54

Ah, but you've got to bear in mind that hell is supposed to be ..... well, ..... hell!
 
Ipso facto, Cardboard Bay couldn't be hell because I wouldn't be overly bothered by seeing it being trashed by emmets. Whereas (and hereforunto) the trashing of St. Ives is an eternal (and internal) torment for me.

Helen Bristol

16 February 2003 13:42

Wot you doing up and about at such and ungodly hour on a Sunday morning, or had you only just got back from a night out in Cardboard Bay with the RT?
 
If CB can't be hell and from what you say certainly isn't heaven (although it didn't look too bad when we drove through it) it must be some sort of Limbo

Vile Jelly

16 February 2003 16:32

It was a consequence of having done so many brekky shifts during the week, I just woke up early on autopilot. To be honest, I don't mind because the last thing I want to do with time off is waste it sleeping!
 
Cardboard Bay is more purgatory than limbo, I think. Paradise is so near and yet so far away!
 
Even further away now that the authorities have decided to dig up the road.

Helen Bristol

17 February 2003 11:53

Which road have they dug up? Give me some idea of which way it is to Paradise.

Vile Jelly

17 February 2003 14:09

I meant that from Cardboard Bay paradise is so near and yet so far away.
 
The frog and toad in question is the road that takes you by the hand and leads you through the streets of St. Ives.

Helen Bristol

17 February 2003 14:32

being a bear of very little brain, and not firing on all cylinders until at least 10 a.m. I thought you were speaking as if you were already in St. Ives and had to go through Cardboard Bay to wherever your Paradise maybe.  Not that you were in CB and SI is Paradise.  Jograffy is not my strong point.

Vile Jelly

17 February 2003 16:12

Oh don't worry, sometimes ..... well, a lot of the time ..... I don't even understand myself.
 
Fortunately, whenever I am losing my grip on reality I have the RT to talk to!

Helen Bristol

17 February 2003 16:54

Well that's all right then. I either talk to MC or Big Mac.  Have my cousin staying for a couple of days so I'll have to go and be the perfect hostess!

Vile Jelly

17 February 2003 17:32

What? Like the trolley?
 
You have heard the Victoria Wood song haven't you?

Helen Bristol

18 February 2003 09:11

Yes I have.  Do I in any way resemble a trolley .......No don't answer that!  Cous. teaches computing so the conversation can be a mite tekkie at times.

Vile Jelly

18 February 2003 09:53

There's nowt wrong with Star Trek, I used to love the Next Generation series (videoed them all!). Just remember when you are offering them refreshments it's 'tea ... Earl Grey ... hot'!
 
Oh, sorry, misread that last bit didn't I?

Helen Bristol

18 February 2003 12:41

I completely agree, I used to watch Star Trek too.
 
Yes, you did.  Perhaps you need to go and have a lie down.
 
Talking of which, I've just been signed off for 4 weeks by the GP ( loads of symphony).  I shall go slowly barmy not being able to do anything.  If I felt ill, like you did, it wouldn't be so bad - comparatively speaking.  Perhaps I could learn how to use my computer!!!  read War and Peace, bombard Phoney Tony with anti war letters or just sit here watching the Blue Tits trying to make up their minds whether they are going to use the nest box again this year. My cup runneth over.

Vile Jelly

18 February 2003 14:10

4 weeks off!
 
Ye gods, what are you going to do with all that time? No excuses for not launching Naughty Norfolk now. I shall expect to be notified of your web address in the near future.
 
Meanwhile, I have finally managed to bodge the Gurnard's Head feature together and (uploads permitting) it should be coming out of the closet on Friday.
 
Honestly, you wouldn't believe the amount of man/hedgehog/sheep/dragon/etc. hours that goes into these things. I think some sort of liquid restorative is now in order!

Helen Bristol

18 February 2003 14:17

How can I possibly launch Naughty Norfolk single-handed without the undoubtedly invaluable assistance of man and various fluffy/spikey animals?  I'm still incredibly computer illegitimate. BM gets annoyed with me when I call some process or other by the wrong technical name. I know what I mean, I just don't speak the language.  Lets face it, I have trouble with Anglo-Saxon from time to time.
 
Some of the local youf have a site about where to meet, what to do.  Like in "see you down the rec". I think I found it while surfing in a mildly desultory manner around Redenhall/Harleston.
 
Do I take it that you're not slaving at the Sloop today?  Are you on a late shift?

Vile Jelly

18 February 2003 15:47

Nonsense, woman, you don't need to be an internet guru to launch your website. Hell, we certainly aren't!
 
Can't Catto Macho help you, you said he was a worldly-wise computer buff.
 
Don't worry about BM, he's obviously just one of those people who are impressed by big words (like Macdonald!). Just tell him to shut his (WYSIWYG inter)face and help out instead if he's so knowledgeable.
 
PS. Got a few days off wurk. Not that I am up to much (apart from finally doing Gurnard's Head) it's just that we worked such long hours last year that we have all accumulated more holiday entitlement than you can shake a stick at (and we've got to use it all before 1 April)!

Helen Bristol

18 February 2003 16:18

Thought you went yomping over the moors on your days off.
 
Catto Macho is fine for keeping the keyboard, not to mention the mouse, warm but that's about the extent of his IT abilities. Oh yes, and his occasional ambles across still-wet print-outs.  I suppose the likes of Bruin, Big Ted and Little Ted, Tigger, Kanga and Baby Roo could be roped in to assist.
 
I think McAfees is going to have a nervous breakdown soon if I keep hitting the reply button and messages called Testing keep being sent.  Seems to think I'm a virus or worm or somesuch.

Vile Jelly

18 February 2003 17:39

Don't let the macafees (weren't they a biblical Jewish tribe?) get you down. It's not true in my case but it could be in yours .....
 
In the immortal words of Winston Churchill:-
 
"We are all worms ..... but I believe that I am a glow worm'!

Helen Bristol

19 February 2003 10:27

Yes, something like that. One of the 12, or were they the 13th?  Sorry, wrong sci-fi series. What do you mean?  the virus, the worm or the somesuch? 
 
I thought only ladies glowed.
 
My eccentric Cous leaves today.  Think Rasputin about the same height as me.  Only his long hair and straggly beard are going grey these days even though he's younger than yours truly.  He's catwalk skinny.  And I mean eccentric.  Last night we 3 went out for a pub meal. (Not up to the Sloop standards, of course) Outside temperature was -3 and everything covered in frost.  He's wearing Tshirt, thin jumper, SHORTS, and a shawl thingy!  This may be OK in the Metrolops.but I hardly think that the Waveney Valley is ready for it.  It must come from the other side of the family. Chekov had his Uncle Vanya, I have my Uncle Nikolai.  No, really.

Vile Jelly

19 February 2003 12:10

All seems perfectly normal to me. You see people wandering around in shorts 365 days every tenth of a decade round here.
 
PS. I don't remember Chekhov's Uncle Vanya, I thought he just had Capt. Kirk & co. for company. Everybody, all together now, "Kopten, there is a Klingon wessel on the starboard bow".
 
PPS. Sorry, in a mad mood today. I'll go and lie down in a darkened mineshaft.

Helen Bristol

19 February 2003 14:39

OK, fine.  Not a usual sight in this neck of the woods.  Folk are more likely to be swaddled in coypu skins.
 
Just today?  Must be the combination of days off and half term ( I assume you're not at skool today)  and weather conditions. CM gets spooked when the weather is windy. 
 
A bit of chimney brick has just fallen through the greenhouse roof.  BM was remarkably calm about it. 

Vile Jelly

20 February 2003 08:44

No. No skool for a couple of weeks. Half-turd and then an 'enrichment week' which consists of all the spotty freeloaders swanning off somewhere foreign at the taxpayers expense while those that dwell in the real world merely get a day off!
 
Not that I begrudge them the trip to foreign parts (especially when you see all those stories about coach drivers who haven't slept for three days)! Good luck to them I say.
 
Never mind BM, how did CM take the flying brick or is he used to having inanimate objects buzzed at him?

Helen Bristol

20 February 2003 10:58

CM? fortunately he was in the feline dreamworld stalking mice.  Couldn't say which of his beds he was on.  He follows the sun round the house (indoors at this time of year) Don't know when the brick parted company with the chimney.  Didn't hear a thing but then I might have been at the bakers or something when it crashed.  If CM had been awake, with his already shot nerves, we would probably have had to scrape him off the ceiling. He's more afraid of animate objects like birds and people's feet (not on purpose you understand, its just that he has an incredible knack of moving to exactly where you're going to put your foot down just when you're in a precariously balance state
 
BM's gone to Brassica-land today. 

Vile Jelly

20 February 2003 11:25

You've got the sun indoors?
 
No wonder the place is falling apart. Well, I'm sure you know what you're doing and no doubt it brightens up the place in the depths of winter. But for gawd's sake, don't start messing about with quantum singularities!
 
I can just imagine Large Overcoat trying frantically to defend himself from hordes of marauding sprouts. Tell him to try seawater, it worked in the Day of the Triffids, I seem to recall.

Helen Bristol

20 February 2003 11:51

Of course!  and the grauniad.
 
Our house has those new-fangled inventions called windows  I'll leave the quantum thingy to those wot know what they're doing  with it.
 
LO is going to Grimsby so there'll be plenty of sea water to hand.
 
Its a beautiful day here today I wish I could get out and start work on the garden. Instead I said I'd do some phoning for BM.  (yawn, yawn)

Vile Jelly

20 February 2003 17:12

Fighting off all those sprouts and then being forced to go to GRIMsby. No wonder the poor man spends his few conscious hours sending us deranged e-mails about Doom Bar.
 
Still, I'm sure it's character-building ..... a man who can cope with constant exposure to venomous green knobbly things should be able to cope with collateral damage.
 
If not, I'm sure that between the two of you, you and CM must have got the will sown up!

Helen Bristol

20 February 2003 17:37

Happy Memories

I've just spent a happy afternoon browsing through your pieces on walks to Zennor and Rosewall.  Funny how the memory forgets the bad bits.  Even seeing the awful path to Zennor I was thinking "I could do that again."  Whatever happened to "never,never,never, not even if you paid me £1M"? Thanks for that.
 
No sign of BM yet. Don't know if he'll make it past the checkpoint.

Vile Jelly

20 February 2003 18:45

How not?
 
Did he forget to take a cheque book with him?
 
I've heard rumours about these iguana republics (or whatever the phrase is).
 
PS. If he does make it back, don't let him in until you've checked the whites of his eyes. If they've got a greenish tinge then he has probably been infected by you know what!

Helen Bristol

21 February 2003 09:50

He made it!  Thankfully uninfected.  Creased and frazzled but otherwise unbowed.
 
What cheque book? for heaven's sake he's not called Mac because he's a namby southerner who goes about distributing largesse 
 
Anyway Brassicas don't go rampaging about the countryside like Triffids.  They're more into standing about in fields looking all innocent releasing their unpleasantness later on........

Vile Jelly

21 February 2003 14:28

That's funny because when I and the RT representatives met him he was definitely distributing largeness!
 
Thanks for the top tip on the b's, I shall sleep a bit easier tonight (but not if a field of them mysteriously appears outside the house over night).

Helen Bristol

21 February 2003 17:37

Don't forget, I was there too. He was just doing it to impress

Vile Jelly

22 February 2003 08:54

So, that's his game, is it?
 
We'll have to hatch some cunning plan to shrivel him up next time he's in town!
 
Do you think he'll notice if we swap his Doom Bar for sprout juice?

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