Faith Hops And Claret-y!


19 February 2003 12:04

Re: A Blessing on you

Returned from Exmoor where the beer flows freely. Nearly went down and crossed the border but as Cornwall really starts at Penzance didn't muster the enthusiasm! Mind you there are parts of Hawker Land that I enjoy. Must be the ecclesiastical connection. Water and wine a better bet than the loaves and fishes as this long weekend's fishing was not an unqualified success. More base than bass. Sun is shining up country hope it is with you -

Vile Jelly

19 February 2003 12:34

Weather-wise here? Well, let's just say there are a load of brass monkeys with pained expressions queueing outside the local blacksmith!

Hope you managed to resist diabolic temptation while you were in the wilderness. Andrew Macdonald has produced an artist's impression of you in action. Watch this week's update for details!

Assuming you get the gig (and admittedly it's early days yet) who or what are you going to be the patron saint of?


19 February 2003 17:24

Well known fact that the Saints of old could do some weird and wonderful things so I only hope that the haggis bashing swamp from from the fen lands has done a rather nice picture! - Not sure about the Patron Saint bit although a few thoughts come to mind. Seeing as the not very great and not at good of Kernow are casting doubts on poor old Piran and his flag perhaps I could be Patron Saint of Cornwall (yes I know Michael has really got the job but no one else seems to remember that). Patron Saint of Cornish Wine could be good although not much to do. So I may settle on Patron Saint of all that is good to eat and drink. Sounds like a good job. Sorry to hear about the minkeys, hope the Smith has got some super-glue otherwise they will have even bigger problems!! Wondered if that was why the hedgehogs are blue, due tot he cold not the smith and his hot apparatus?! - Well time to go off and fight with swords - - May the Blessing of the Blue Hedge Hogs be ever amongst you - Rgds Winwaloe

Vile Jelly

20 February 2003 08:57

The Sonics (as is ITV Digital Munkeh) are non-conductive and therefore not at the mercy of sub-zero temperatures. Their blueness, as explained elsewhere in e-mail correspondence with the quasi-mythical Helen Bristol, is due to their consumption of FBJ.

Not sure about you being the patron saint of food (and drink). Wouldn't that mean I'd have to worship you? I mean, I don't mind the odd bit of veneration but I draw the line at genuflection!

PS. What the hell are you writing your e-mails in? Every time I transfer one to the website I have to completely reformat the damn thing!


20 February 2003 17:02

Now this raises a few issues. This quasi-mythical stuff, are you sure you don't mean mystical? I knew a Helen one - mystical yes - mythical no! Or is it Bristol that is quasi mythical. I've been there a few times and crazy mythical might be a better description. If the HH's had been on Exmoor this weekend they would have been very blue. Anyway they appear a wisht looking lot so I reckon they need a good tot of something strong. What am I writing in? - Well it's mainly English with a spattering of Cornish. I could manage some Latin and a bit of Arabic if you like. Thought about some illuminated manuscripts but can't seem to get the batteries to fit. Deus vobiscum

Vile Jelly

20 February 2003 18:42

Pax vobiscum.

Helen, op, in deed, Helling, as the Reporting Team have come to know and love her, is truly quasi-mythical as anyone who looks up the definition of 'quasi' in a half-decent dictionary will be able to comprehend!

PS. Don't worry about responding in gratuitous languages. Speaking as one who has studied (over different periods) English (yes, I include that on the grounds of grammar wot modern people don't speak!), Latin. french, German, Italian and Dutch, I can safely say. 'been there, got the t-shirt and no one likes a smart-arse'!

Vaya con dios!

PPS. How's the water into wine trick going? You realise that only this feat, as vouched by the tastebuds of the Reporting Team, will achieve true sainthood on SSI.


21 February 2003 08:35

Your linguistic ability does you (no) credit! We all know that there is only one true global language - ENGLISH!!! OK I do have a T shirt bearing the motto Me na vadna cowz a Sowznack but it does rather limit conversation! Anyway most cowz I have come across say nought but moo. Now can you help me out on something (could this be a good one for the reporting team?) I'm a bit of a student of Cornish folklore (yes I know all the jokes but I actually see it as a serious subject). Now I remember reading sometime back of some sort of ghost/creature that haunts Porthmeor beach. Trouble is I can't find the original reference to it. I recall it was some sort of creature that rolled along the beach. Now, on first reading this I thought it might be a local or two after a heavy night up at pub but it seems not. Have you or the reporting team heard of this one? - The man with the lamp who does the ghost tour didn't seem to know it. Anyway must touch pipe a bit and then get on - Benatugana -

Vile Jelly

21 February 2003 09:15

Frayed knot.

When it comes to supernatural manifestations in that particular vicinity the only two I am aware of are the one that is supposed to lurk in the arches (under Smeaton's Pier) for reasons I know not and a woman who is supposed to appear on the Island looking for her baby which drowned in a shipwreck there.

I would have thought that the lamp bloke would know if there was one on Porthmeor, there are quite a few ghosties and ghoulies knocking round St. Ives. Maybe one just wandered over for a while for a change of scenery (or a spot of surfing).

I must admit that when I am forced to take to the streets on dark moonless nights I always make a point of putting my head down and getting to where I'm going as fast as possible. I don't begrudge the ghosties making a living entertaining the ems but there's no way I'm going to let myself be grabbed by the ghoulies!

If I do hear of any haunting horrors, though, I'll give them your address and you can interview them yourself.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll just go and renew my glyphs of warding.


21 February 2003 12:13

AH HA - So you're the headless ghoul seen on dark nights always hurrying twixt this pub and that!! - Will record in my "Record of Unusual Manifestations in West Penwith or Belerion" and amend current theory. It may even mean you don't get exorcised (although with all this scurrying too and fro I spose you do get exercised) - On the wine and water bit. I'm off to lunch and will be doing much experimenting with wine (red variety) not too sure about the water as I'm never quite sure how many other people it has been through first. Someone told me you can get Cornish Spring Water up in this God forsaken bit of Britain called London but not yet seen it. Perhaps I will go on a search for Cornish Wine. Bless you my son for a good idea!! - W

Vile Jelly

21 February 2003 14:39

So, you have been spying on me then. How did you manage it? Did you disguise yourself as a council shirker or have you got a 'winwaloecam' secreted about the place?

On the Cornish wine front you can either get the 'wine' variety from Camel Vineyard ( or the 'mead' variety from several establishments round here ( or ). Suggest you have a trawl on the interpol to see if anyone else does it mail order.

It would probably be wise to order in bulk if you want to survive The Big Stench!

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