The Dead Chefs Society!


Helen Bristol

25 February 2003 11:07

Back to skool

I've just been browsing through the new Harleston and District Official Town Guide.  Back in the mists of history, when I first lived here, it was a village, of about 3000 not-too-god-fearing souls. The area is apparently renowned for its attachment to the black arts.  One recent-ish vicar even accused 90% the populace of being unchristian ( he might actually have said "pagan" but, as I said, it was back in the mists....) simply for reading their horoscopes in the Mirror!  Had he taken any notice of his horoscope he might have foreseen the dramatic fall in the already-scant number of Sunday god botherers.
 
Anyway, there's a piece about one of the many ancient buildings.  Now here's a thing.  This part of the town (so much for rural development planning) was owned by one Frodo of Mendham whose father (also a Frodo it would seem) was the favourite physician of William the Conqueror.  Back in the .....etc, etc most of the central area of the then market area was mud huts (we've got plenty of mud around here)  We live t'other end of town which, back in ..... etc., was nearer to god (the parish church being in the next hamlet - don't ask its too complicated) so more desirable.
 
Here endeth the lesson...

Vile Jelly

25 February 2003 14:31

Frodo, eh?
 
Have you got his number, we could give him a ring!
 
See, all this material you've got to set up Naughty Norfolk and so much time available to do it in. No excuses now.

Helen Bristol

25 February 2003 15:06

I don't need excuses to procrastinate. I was thinking more of Weird Waveney to include not only Naughty Norfolk but Silley Suffolk as well
 
 Anyway I am still doing (a tiny) part of my work from home.  Trouble is I haven't got most of the paperwork so I have to email the secretary, who is minutely organised, to try to find things in my filing system and send them to me one way or another.  Ah, I see another carrier pigeon has just landed.  Hope I can get to it before CM does. 
 
Talking of whom, he has just been to the Vet. (no, that was done years ago!)  He has skritchy ears and is as nervous as a kitten.  P'r'pas he's going into his second kitten-hood.  Bless her, the Vet has given me eardrops to administer to him twice a day.  By the end of the week I will need a transfusion to make up for my loss of blood. I'm feeling weak at the thought of it.

Vile Jelly

25 February 2003 22:08

So, he's more Catto Scratcho at the minute, eh?
 
Can't you get Large Overcoat to administer the extreme unction? He is always venturing into savage hinterlands so he must be used to dealing with ferocious beasts!
 
Just had a 24 carat turd of a shift and am on brekky tomorrow so am just going to drag my mangled corpse off to bed! Who knows, maybe I'll be capable of speech and thought tomorrow (although after another 8 hour shift I doubt it).

Helen Bristol

26 February 2003 15:57

Yesterday was that good, was it?  Bet you couldn't wait to get up this a.m. to see whether today would be even better!  At least it can't have been as bad as it was for Bernard Loiseau.  He must have been in one hell of a state.
 
"Lo" said LO "if you think I'm going anywhere near that adorable pussy cat to put drops in his ears, think again"  or something like that......... I was too busy wiping eardrops stuff off my face to listen to closely to him.  Drops inserted, CM shakes head, your truly spattered with 'Auroto'.  At least I would get ear mites!   Anyway CM seems to mind less when I have to medicate him than anyone else.  Must be my familiar or something.  Oh now I understand what the Vicar was getting at.
 
As for LO's adventures in Hinterland .........  he doesn't talk about them much.  Obviously the memories are too painful
 
What you need is a good massage to restore your poor mangled body.

Vile Jelly

26 February 2003 16:24

Who's Bernard Loiseau? I don't get out much (or at all, generally).
 
If only I could download a massage on the internet (I'm not aware of any locally, and have no friends willing or capable of performing such a deed). Right now I'm so stiff and tense you could use me as an ironing board).
 
PS. What is LO up to. He has been suspiciously quiet while the mysterious proto-saint Winwaloe has been waxing lyrical. They're not the same person are they??

Helen Bristol

26 February 2003 17:42

The late Bernard Loiseau apparently topped himself after losing 2 points in the GaultMillau guide 19/20 down to 17/20 but still retained his Michelin trois etoiles.  I must admit I'd never heard of him until today, but then probably couldn't've afforded to eat at his place in Burgundy anyway.
 
LO is v. busy preparing a mailing shot (the same I was doing some phoning for him for) and getting some data "converted" for a demo he's doing next week I think.  How would I know if he has a nom de plume???  Don't let your fevered imagination get the better of you. 
 
Hark!  I think it's high-level reconnaissance tonight, can't see the b*****s. 

Vile Jelly

27 February 2003 09:11

It's probably the yanks looking for Iraq's weapons of mash destruction. Dubya has likely decided that, as they can't find any in Iraq, Maddass must have hidden them in another country.
 
No doubt when they do finally locate them (probably in a bunker complex in Nebraska) that will be the final damning piece of evidence that proves George'n'Tony was right all the time!

Helen Bristol

27 February 2003 10:14

Many a word spoken in jest.............  All quiet on the Eastern Front at the moment, but then there aren't many left in the country....
 
Re the massage, you could always visualise it - supposed to be a tad more effective than nothing at all. 
 
No skool today?  Day off or extra shift?

Vile Jelly

27 February 2003 12:49

Ha! That's nothing. My mate Brian suggested that instead of wasting poor old Hans Kneesandbumpsadaisy's time looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq they should just locate them by asking the American arms industry to produce the receipts and delivery notes!
 
Day off? What's one of them? The shift hits the fan later.

Helen Bristol

27 February 2003 16:50

Nuff said.
 
CM got a bit of a shock today. There he was making the most of the warm Spring sunshine when a hen pheasant ambled past him.  Don't usually get anything that big in the garden.  I suggested using a .22 but I think BM is agin that.
 
I've just spent nearly an hour on the phone trying to convince NU that I do exist (despite being quasi mythical) and I am insured with them.  All I wanted was an answer to a simple enquiry "yes" or "no", I think I need one of Soupie's restoratives.  Don't know how I used to find time to do these things when I had to go in to work every day!
 
I' m knocking off now.  Have fun in the slave pits.

Vile Jelly

28 February 2003 09:35

What? You can't shoot Catto Macho! Turn the gun on the phez instead.
 
PS. Didn't. At all.
 
Dark storm clouds gathering, t'would appear.

Helen Bristol

28 February 2003 09:59

No, no, not Catto Macho! Please spare him. He isn't all that bad.  He has no weapons of mass slaughter.  He's a bare-paw fighter.
 
Don't know why you do it if it's not enjoyable?
 
Are we talking meteorologically or internationally?
 
The cost of the amount of aviation fuel that has been burnt in the past few weeks would settle the third world debt.

Vile Jelly

28 February 2003 15:47

Much the same thoughts have been rampaging like rabid buffaloes through my mind keeping me awake in the small hours of the morning.
 
That said, it's a job and the number of enjoyable jobs commonly available can be counted on the toes of one hand!
 
On the other hand, it looks like being a weekend of doom (as opposed to Doom) so who knows what my status will be this time next week.

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