Some Of 'Em Do Have Mothers!

Helen Bristol

22 September 2003 21:03


Lo Ling reporting, Sir.
Reccie to B*******land.  All roads clear but some slow-moving due to strategically positioned caravans and horseboxes.  Members of the PFLL observed entrenched in roadside fields, god the disguise is good! 
Managed to see "Mother", the conversation is, as I speak, being de-coded. 
Held by the "yellowbellies" under house arrest for 36 hours.  Thought I'd been able to persuade them to exchange me for one of their fighters held somewhere in the subcontinent.  Taken to a place ingeniously named "Passage to India" (obviously an escape route) but no exchange took place.  As I was leaving an "operative" gave me a rose.  Significance unknown.  Not able to identify variety but is there  a clue there.  Had hoped that an exchange with El Lindum would have hastened your "White Knight" escapade. One lives in hopes.
Don't know what happened............allowed to leave, no escort, no ransome............what IS going on?
BM recci-ing Red-Rose Country  -  ah, now I see ............the name of the rose?

The Reporting Team

22 September 2003 22:07

Umberto Eco, wasn't it? Leastways he wrote it.
Just a few questions following your debriefing (ooh er!).
You live in hope? We thought you lived in East Angular.
No ransome? Neither a swallow nor an amazon? Or even a broad from Norfolk?
So, BM is in Lankyshire is he? Hope he remembered to pack his flat cap and ferrets.
Bugger, VJ just limped back from the Slave Pits. Remember, if he asks you haven't seen us. This conversation never took place (unless some fool publishes it).
The crimson cow flies south tonight.
The RT.

Helen Bristol

23 September 2003 18:44

Hi Guys and Guyettes
Quite so, I hadn't realised that VJ had got you lot so well edicated, but I guess he has a vested interest.
For clarification:
PFLL = Popular Front for the Liberation of L***********  (thought you'd be able to sus that one.)
Mother? What?  She who brought you into this world, of course...........oh, I'm soooo sorry,guys.  How could I be so callous and thoughtless.  And all of you orphans.  Just think VJ in a skirt, ( not a pretty thought but might be a pretty sight especially with those well formed calves) not unlike BM in a kilt but without the sporran and skinnier legs.  My aged parent is on a different planet most of the time now so doesn't even recognise us and lives very much in her own world of yesteryear.  Sad really but at least now she doesn't even realise it.
Yes, I live in Hope, Norfolkshire. Just along the way from Slap's Hole Lane.
PS Only when the sun rises in the west.

The Reporting Team

24 September 2003 08:24

Hel Hel (or would you prefer we remain on a formal second names basis, in which case Lo Ling).
Ah, we were so blinded by fear of sprouts that we were looking for dome brassica-related theme.
Did you have to conjure up the image of VJ in a skirt? It has taken us hours to revive the FE's and they may still require hours of TLC, if not therapy! But talking of horrible thoughts, perhaps VJ and your mother are related because he certainly lives in a sad, demented world of his own!
Anyway, better get back to giving VJ a good wash and wax. Sonic & Shaun led him to The End Of The World yesterday. They are fine today but he seems unaccountably knackered. Probably cheap parts and shoddy workmanship when they assembled him!

Helen Bristol

24 September 2003 17:57

I think we know each other well enough now to drop the formality.
Sounds to me as though the Flats will need, at the very least, counselling, and more probably psychotherapy.  There is patently something that skirts, mother and VJ  have re-awakened from their past that must be addressed if they are ever to lead normal lives again. Trust me, I'm a human being!
VJ bears no resemblance to my mother, she's always looked years younger than her 150 and any road up she's a Cockney.  I think M slipped gracefully into her state in her declining years. VJ has always been a self-confessed sour puss.
PS What's the brew there?  Probably poor maintenance as well.
PPS What about the Blue String Soup? 

The Reporting Team

25 September 2003 08:27

Bah! We never trust humans. What have they ever done to merit such trust?
PS. Kustid is mortally offended that you should claim that VJ is a member of the feline species!
PPS. No pub at Sea's Start (unless it's in the theme park bit of it). Retired to Sennen (half an hour back past the USS Tony Blair) to the Old Success Inn for several well-earned gallons of Sharps Special.
PPPS. The Shauns are in charge of maintenance and they do try their best but every time they give him a full service they always seem to have a few bits left over when they put him back together!
PPPPS. Waiting for BM to get off his BUM and confirm whether or not he has access to a soup mine with the right sort of ore.

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