Well, we finally tracked "St? Winwaloe" down on his home ground.  It seems the original picture (red pinny, loaf of bread, curtain rod, etc) was merely an attempt by his PR to hide the awful truth.  And, children, look what happens when you drink too much Doom Bar.  Also, there appear to be three mackerel attempting to shin up his cassock.

 

I was going to write something witty, interesting and incisive about the last visit to SI.  Ho hum.........

 

But, a couple of things we noticed.  One, they had Adnams Broadside at the Castle and you didn't tell us.  I only noticed by chance as I was wandering past, and by the time I got back to drink some it had been replaced by Mrs Pratincole's Old Footrot or somesuch.  Anyway, as I think I've said before, Adnam's doesn't travel. 

 

The other thing:  as you walk past the Saucy Chef, look up the stairs.  Painted at the top is a sign saying "You won't be disappointed!"  Heartbroken, yes;  driven to the brink of suicide, yes; but disappointed - no, it doesn't even come close.  I also read somewhere that four generations of the same family have cheffed at the Saucy Chef.  You'd think they'd have got it right by now, wouldn't you?

 

Purely in the interests of research, we went and had fish and chips at the Slippery Eel.  Very nice they were too, but I must admit I failed to experience any attacks of the vapours, or minor earth tremors, and nobody threw a bucket of cold water over me, so it must be a Faintly Saintly thing, not vouchsafed to us mere mortals.

 

I'm still trying to hack about the pictures of the Geevor mines model, but I'd forgotten how damn big it is.

 

Heard any more from your new Americanian friend recently?  Don't be too hard on him - you know how sensitive, shy and retiring they are.  Wouldn't say boo to a goose most of them, unless they had a couple of armoured divisions behind them. 

 

PS We seem to have a lobster moping about the house.

 

Yup, that's pretty much what I'd imagined he'd look like. Especially the expression.

 

PS. The mackerel may be his offspring as he is currently claiming to have had a previous fling with the Mermaid of Zennor!

See what you mean now, strange goings on at The Tinners (again).  Best we alert the Child Support Agency asap - can't have the poor little things turning to fin and bone before our eyes.

 

And you forgot to mention why the Broadside at the Castle passed you by;  you missed a treat.

Well, at least we know how he managed to do the loaves and fishes trick. Not so much a miracle as a capacious cassock!

 

PS. Broadside passed me by because no one told me it was there and I had to do a lot of shifts to cover for staff skiving. Maybe next lifetime.

When did he do the loaves and fishes trick?  I thought manifestations, miracles and magic had been pretty thin on the ground so far.  We're still waiting for the walk across the Tamar and turning water into Doom Bar.

 

By the way, do fringe Celtic saints hibernate?  When and for how long?

 

PS  Here's some pictures of real Cornish cabbages just to cheer you up.

Well, he's always claiming credit for everything and so I just assumed that he did the feeding of the 5,000 emmets thing.

 

I don't think celtic saints hibernate I think they just go over to the east coast of America to prey on the gullible. Just look at St. Pat, a Roman who passed himself off as a celtic saint and who now brings NY, Boston, etc. to a grinding halt.

 

PS. You bar steward!!

Thought that was your job?

 

I was going to tell you about the Broadside but you'd disappeared by then.

 

That'd be about the right place for the gullible, though it seems they've spread slightly further afield than the east coast.

 

If I promise not to send you any more pictures of cabbages, you couldn't persuade St W to manifest a few buckets of Doom Bar in this direction, could you?  I think I'm getting withdrawawl symptoms.