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Lucy T. Lobster 13 December 2003 12:43 Re: Message
Ooooo, Vile, you made my little legs go all wobbly
talking about snogging Shaun.
I've been keeping my antennae alert and I think I
might be on to someting - I found a tin of stripey, minty sweets, Helling said
someting about you'd already got the sheep.................I couldn't make out
wot she meant but I know you're bright, well brighter than me, anyway, so
I thought you'd be able to work it out. Oh yes, there was a bunch of
bells and a red frock. I can't imagine BM in a skirt so it mu........................hang
on, don't men of a scottish persuasion wear pleated skirts? I haven't
seen BM in one but then I haven't been here all that long. He's got nice
legs though ......don't let Shaun read that bit. Oh, its so difficult
having a romance with Shaun when he's so far away.
PS CM says he's heard about people like you and he
thinks the Shauns would be safer over here. I tried to keep calm but
ooooooo the thought of Shaun coming over here.
PPS You know CM is a VERY intelligent cat.
He's sussed that if he makes like he's terrified ( trolls, strange men,
fireworks) They take pity on him and give him extra food to console him.
And, wots more, They don't even realise They are being conned. (And, no, he
isn't sitting next to me flexing his really rather beautiful claws, honest)
Vile Jelly 13 December 2003 13:55
Ah, yes, the dying cat act. I'm familiar with that
one. I try to counter-attack by reading them a book on taxidermy
which usually keeps the yowling down to manageable proportions!
I am afraid that I may not be able to help you
your lurve thang problem for several reasons:
Wouldn't it be easier if you smuggled yourself
into BM's beer tanker next time he is popping down here to replenish his vats
of Doom Bar?
Helen Bristol 13 December 2003 12:45 She's been at it again - sending messages to you using my address. I'll have to go through it again with her. She's a sweet little lobster but slow on the uptake. Vile Jelly 13 December 2003 13:55
Pah! A mere technicality.
Try working with sheep, mate!
Helen Bristol 13 December 2003 15:22 Don't think we'll go down that route! Vile Jelly 13 December 2003 15:28 As the orcs said to the angry ent! Helen Bristol 14 December 2003 11:08 My apologies to Lucy. It wasn't her at all. My tame techie somehow got it wrong. Even he doesn't know why. There's expertise for you! Vile Jelly 14 December 2003 11:57
Put not your faith in tame techies (or even trained trekkies!).
Follow the righteous path of cuddliness. Now sing:-
Helen Bristol 14 December 2003 12:15 Aye, Aye, Captain. But I'm Lucy would rather that Shaun rang her bells. Vile Jelly 14 December 2003 12:52 I am reading him a bedtime book on campanology, so tell Lu to hang on in there. Helen Bristol 14 December 2003 15:05 Are you sure that is a suitable bedtime story? It might give him bad dreams...........the bells, the bells....... Vile Jelly 15 December 2003 08:42
Well, I only had two books available so which would Lucy rather have me read
to him:-
Campanology for Beginners, so he can ring her bells
or
The Female Eunuch, so she can wring his balls?
Helen Bristol 15 December 2003 18:39
The latter I think would be germaine, someone's already been in with the
pincers.
PS When she read your emu she said "Both" - well I do understand her
point of view, after all, this romance thing is two way, otherwise she
might just as well go in for self dating.
PPS Should have been at an AS party on Friday night but the bug hit the
hostess with the mostest, so it was off. Pity - I was looking
forward some girlie-bloke entertainment and bringing home a few novelties to
brighten up BM's long, dark evenings.
Vile Jelly 16 December 2003 09:26
That would explain why his eyes bulge so much. Is Lucy ready for a purely
platonic relationship?
PS. Perhaps it's a good thing that your AS (surely Winters at this time of
year?) party was cancelled. Lucy could have met some dodgy french cook and
ended up in a Lobster Basque!
Sorry, couldn't resist that one. I'll go and fall off a cliff now .....
Helen Bristol 16 December 2003 18:18
Is there such a thing? .............a platonic relationship not a basque. She
was really looking forward to going............thought she'd pick up a few
tips on stimulating a Shaun.
Had my first crimbo dinner today, turkey and all the trimmings ( and its
already 16th) about 9/10 .............the sprouts were a tad overcooked for my
liking. But a 3 course meal + coffee isn't bad for £5.........................subsidised
through your/my taxes.
PS has your supply of humbugs arrived yet?
Vile Jelly 17 December 2003 09:26
Didn't Mickey Mouse have a Plutonic relationship with his dog?
I would have thought a Shaun was the sort of stimulating thing she would be
likely to find at an AS party.
Good to know the NHS had managed to overcome its alleged cash crisis. Of
course, being to close to the Bernard Matthews ranch I suppose turkeys are as
cheap up there as mackerel are down here.
No sign of humbugs down here. Perhaps they have been barred. Or more likely
the Post Orifice are throwing our post off the Tamar bridge so they
can save time on deliveries and get to their (no doubt also subsidised)
freebie bash nice and early. Can't remember the last time something (other
than a petrol bomb) came through my lettuce box.
Lucy T. Lobster 18 December 2003 18:16
Wash your mouth out with soap and water! How could you speak that awful
man's name? They may be going cheap but they're not worth the
polybags they're frozen in.
The now defunct factory next door used to prepare and freeze chickens before
it was re-invented as a meat pie filling plant., pro'bly of a brassica
persuasion. Since then I don't buy pies,open skips of meat, trouble
with starlings, the ubiquitous seagulls, rats.................... not really
sure how you'd describe the pies..................mixed meats?
PS So you didn't get the burpday card then????
Vile Jelly 19 December 2003 08:49
But aren't they supposed to be bootiful (which I always assumed meant that
they were made out of old boots)?
How can you fill a meat pie with brassicas or is that a matter best left
uninvestigated?
PS. The sum total of bugger all has come through my lettuce box this week. Not
even a ransom demand for my post from Temporary Postman Prat. Of course, it
could just be that I've got no friends!
PPS. Crimbo Mystery Play almost finished. Expect much gnashing and wailing of
teeth.
PPPS. You appear briefly (but crucially) as a female lobster fatale!
PPPPS. BM & H don't come off quite so well .....
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