The Blind Leading The Blonde?

Gill Richards

16 December 2003 15:58



A quickie to prove i'm still alive. I can't believe that so much work can happen just before christmas. Don't people unnerstan' that there's a lot of partying to be done? oh, and shopping. nasty but essential unless you want the rellies to ignore you for another year.....perhaps i'll not go shopping!

How are you? Still plenty of time on your hands i fear judging by the amount of news you are able to convey. I would like to put a formal note of complaint forward about Winwaloe's obvious dislike of Brunettes. Not going to save any of us is he?! It is very clear what he thinks is important (apart from beer obviously).

Must go, more work to do before i can go home and put up the tree for the cats to climb.



Vile Jelly

17 December 2003 09:42

No, as you have surmised I am still destitute. Luckily people send me the occasional e-mail telling me what a good time they're having at their works party, etc. which, as you can imagine, is a great source of comfort to me!

I am currently waiting for an emergency appointment at the quack's as I believe I may have contracted this Fijian Flu or whatever. After nearly three weeks of general non-specific malingering my bod finally decided to give up the ghost last night. I feel like Keith Richards looks this morning! If William Friedkin had seen me last night he would never have cast Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Suffice it to say that I have never been THAT sick before and my nose is very sore this morning and let's draw a discreet veil over the matter.

Ah, Christmas, a time for giving. So far god has given me unemployment and illness. You can't believe how little I am looking forward to opening his next pressie.

PS. I wouldn't worry overly about Winwaloe's dubious taste in women. Or, in deed, his taste in dubious women. Anyone who claims to have had a fling with the Mermaid of Zennor is hardly likely to be picked to judge the Miss World Contest!

Gill Richards

18 December 2003 10:22

Lucky you. I won't tell you about ours last night, or how my head is still slightly fuzzie this morning.

Poor you, you really are going through the ringer. We had a pretty shit year earlier, but things a decidedly better now, so there's hope for us all. It's when you are properly ill that you realise that when you had a bit of a sniffle or a jippy tum that it really was nothing. Hope the quack can give you something to get rid quickly. Can you look that bad.......?

They say things come in threes so be careful!

PS true.

PPS. Have your own works party. Set up the reporting team in a circle, get in some drinks and nibbles and play some games. When they get too drunk to know, pop them in the washing machine again and give them a whirl. They'll love it, and you can have the satisfaction of giving the staff something other than germs!!!!

Vile Jelly

18 December 2003 10:27


Gill Richards

18 December 2003 10:36


Vile Jelly

18 December 2003 10:58

See previous subsequent e-mu!

Vile Jelly

18 December 2003 10:53

Sorry about previous communiqué, just summing up all the pluses in my life at the mo'.

The quack has given me something that sounds like epoxy resin (but unfortunately isn't). It's a week long kill or cure job so I am cracking on with getting the RT's crimbo mystery play promulgated in the event of my overdue demise. In the meantime, The Soup Dragon is plying me with various concoctions in order to try and keep me breathing long enough to finish it.

Nice idea about the RT xmas party but I'll probably have to delay it until I've either recovered sufficiently to be able to go near food and drink or dropped dead so the RT can party to their hearts' content.

Go to go now. Some tall bony bloke with an old agricultural implement has just popped in to visit me. 'S funny, I wasn't expecting any visitors .....

Gill Richards

18 December 2003 11:30

Cool! Did he say that when you can smell it you're cured?

Soup is the cure to all evil, unless the soup itself is the origin, some flavours should not be allowed. What are the healing properties of Blue String soup?

Are you going to publish this play on SSI? I look forward to seeing it in the new year when spirits have been deflated.

say HI from me, and not to visit me for a long time. Have you read Terry Pratchet's Disc World?

Vile Jelly

18 December 2003 13:10

No, but he did say it was a good sign when I could finally prise it off my

Incidentally, talking of the crimbo play and matters soupesque, we now seem to have reached a definitive position on the Clanger diet. See the play when it is promulgated for more info.

The play will (probably) be unleashed within the next day or two. The SSI news desk (or its reporters to be precise) shuts down over the festering period so that they can concentrate on debauchery. In addition, as I may only have a week to live they'd rather I got on with the job before I started goofing off!

Talking of which, I am in a bit of a dilemma. Going by the official clock, if the cure option doesn't work and the alternative comes into play then my breathing privileges could be revoked on Xmas Eve. So, in theory, I shouldn't need to buy any pressies, which will obviously avoid frittering away the RT's inheritance. But what if I'm still alive on Crimbo Day and haven't got anyone anything? I'd die of embarrassment!

PS. The bony bloke has gone off in a huff. He'd only just finished buffing up his scythe and had forgotten his bargepole, which is the only thing he'd risk touching me with. What a let-down.

Gill Richards

18 December 2003 14:21

..when you'd get a perfect mould of(f) your nose!

I shall look forward to it.

Buy presents that the RT can use/eat/drink if you pop off and then it won't matter if your there or not. God forbid that you die of embarrassment....especially when there's so much more you could die of. It's all over rated anyway. You buy things for people that they don't want and in return they give you stuff that you don't want. Why don't we (the royal that is) all meet up and eat lots and drink too much and forget about spending all that lolly.

PS does death carry a barge pole?

Vile Jelly

18 December 2003 16:25

I've hedged my bets and bought them plenty of booze and a How To Cook Humans book. The little buggers are trying to marinade me already!

PS. Obviously Death does not, hence his failure to reap my pitiful excuse for a life. He said he'd be back when he'd found another apprentice to delegate the job to (Mort not really having worked out).

PPS. I'm sure we will all be actively encouraged to do the sociable thing and meet up, eat up, drink up, throw up once B&Q/M&S/CofE, etc. get their alcohol licence!

Hark, I hear the herald angels sing. They are still waiting on the licences
but they've got a sale on just in case ...

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