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Gill Richards 22 December 2003 09:04 RE: hi Are bugs able to transfer across the internet? I shouldn't really be here
this morning, i haven't been that bad for a long time. The unfortunate thing
about it all is that i can't face alcohol!!! Vile Jelly 22 December 2003 09:28 Well, don't blame me, obviously your computer doesn't have a strong enough
antivirus protection! Gill Richards 22 December 2003 10:23 You'd think that this lot would have a good fire wall wouldn't you?. Vile Jelly 22 December 2003 13:48 Just call me Typhoid Mary! Gill Richards 22 December 2003 14:22 ok Mary. Vile Jelly 22 December 2003 15:38 Please, no need to be so formal. Call me Typhoid! Gill Richards 23 December 2003 08:13 "eh, you smell right grand tonight pet." Big bro likes that stuff
so there's a high chance of drinking some! Vile Jelly 23 December 2003 09:12 Don't sound like it. On the udder hand, in the initial phases of the plague I
did seem to have periods of 'feeling much better', generally followed by periods
of not being able to feel anything at all. Still, good luck. Remember, no germ
can survive an Abdul's Kebab! Gill Richards 23 December 2003 10:13 You've got me worried now. I shan't cancel the doc until later. Perhaps a hot
curry tonight...... Vile Jelly 23 December 2003 11:34 Aha, the classic recipe for entertaining children ..... Don't invite any Gill Richards 23 December 2003 12:18 oh yes! and if you get a bouncy castle as well, all the better!!! Vile Jelly 23 December 2003 13:39
Yes, but, as you've admitted, your duvet is having a relationship with another
man. Surely such infidelity deserves some sort of retribution. Hell hath no
fury like a woman un-duveted, etc!
PS. The micro-blowtorches are also good for dealing with people who insist on
buggering up everyone else's post-prandial slump by having a
fag/cigar/pipe/joint after the meal. 'Do you mind if I smoke?' they say,
knowing damn well you do but hoping you'll be too polite to start an argument
over it. 'No,' you reply, 'Here, let me light it for you .....
WOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFF!
Gill Richards 23 December 2003 14:30
mmm....i'll get my own back. i'm off work
next week and he isn't! (Paul, not the duvet)
Fantastic. The other excellent anti smoking
defense is to fart loudly near said smokers, who when they start to complain
can be shouted down with their own arguments. Seen it done. The couple next to
us asked to be moved. Job done (not literally you understand).
Vile Jelly 23 December 2003 15:10
Just as long as it's not The Devil's Fart!
Did you enjoy your role in the Reporting Team's Mystery Play?
Talking of which, the RT have just hollered up the stairs. They have currently
succumbed to a crate of Mr. Chimbley's finest brews which BM and H sent them.
(Actually, we couldn't find the label but the RT swear blind that it was
addressed to them). Anyway, it's good stuff and they are a tad relaxed at the
minute but it sounded like:-
Crispy Hatmas and a Preposterous Nude Ear!
Gill Richards 23 December 2003 15:20
Damned clever, how did you know i was reading
that?
I have to say i was very impressed, if not a
tad disturbed, with your imaginative skills. Thank goodness you have nothing
to do or we would have all missed out on such a ripping yarn. I was very
pleased to be a major part, never thought of myself as a vicar.
Glad the RT are enjoying themselves. I was
surprised to see how large the entire team is. How do you tell the
difference between all those Piglets.
Harpy Crispypots to them also.
Vile Jelly 24 December 2003 09:22
Well, I thought, given the laws of probability, at some point someone had to
read the damn thing so I just kept asking at random intervals!
Vicar was the closest we could come as ACD doesn't seem to include Ghoul
Guides in his stories (had they been invented then?). So, the RT made you the
vicar instead of the Great Brown Owl or whatever your GG title is.
PS. We leave it to the Piglets to sort things amongst themselves. Hell, the
Shauns can't even tell each other apart so they've got no chance!
Gill Richards 05 January 2004 10:39
Happy New Year - hopefully.
Did you have a relatively good crimbo? How
was the new year? Did anyone get killed or arrested?
GGs were invented in 1930 ish. Brownies do
various bird things. Guides can do strange names but i chose not to have one,
so they call me Gill. It may seem boring but less embarrassing if you see one
out and about.
Vile Jelly 05 January 2004 17:31
Cheers, ears. Not much improvement so far but it's early doors yet. At least,
touch wool (the Shauns were passing), I seem to be finally emerging from the
abyss of this virus-thingy. There is an expression "I wouldn't wish it on
my worst enemy" to which I would reply, quoting Confucius, that that
sentiment is 'a highway strewn with ancient venomous ophidians'*. I have
many enemies, starting, in no particular order of importance, with god. I
would cheerfully do unto him what he has done unto me in the last month .....
and then I'd kick him in the goolies to emphasise my point!
Talking of the Shauns, the RT say that they are very disappointed with your
lack of titular curiosity as Obergruppenfuhrer of your Gal Guides. Being very
much into anthropomorphic political incorrectness they request that you
furnish a suitable resume of your qualities (wise as a fish, drinks like an
owl, etc.) and they will work on providing you with a suitable call-sign.
* Or as they say in Chinese restaurants ..... "a road of old
cobras"!
Gill Richards 06 January 2004 12:21
Do you believe then? Cos judging by earlier
missives you think it's all baloney, or do you just want someone to blame? ;-)
ok. i've had to think long and hard about
this (!) and have come up with the following for the cuddly ones.
wise as a sheep
knowledgeable as a tree
drinks like a newt (not actually very much,
it being so small)
eats like a horse
cute as a pig
clever as a cat
resourceful as a plate
as logical as water running up hill
as artful as a dodger
there you go that'll do for a lunch time, see
what they come up with
Vile Jelly 07 January 2004 10:30
Of course, I believe in god. It would freak me out if all this unpleasantness
was just a random occurrence. However, one should never make the mistake of
assuming that belief in the existence of god equates to belief that god is a
nice person. Personally, I can't credit all this 'god is good' rubbish that
modern religions come out with. The evidence is overwhelmingly to the
contrary. I subscribe to the traditional Greco-Roman, Teutonic-Scandinavian
theories that god(s) are contrary, arbitrary super-beings who can be just as
nasty as thee and me.
PS. RT working on your title as we speak ..... oh, hang on ..... Ah, it seems
they've gone to the pub (presumably in search of inspiration)! Minority Report
to follow in due course.
Gill Richards 07 January 2004 10:41
All clear now, I think i'm with you. I don't
hold with the God fearing thing either. He/she isn't going to get you because
you don't go to church, it just depends who is in view when (s)he's
feeling particularly nasty. I also subscribe to Pratchett's view of the God(s).
Lots of them all having a good time and being nasty to us when they feel like
it. And disappearing if no-one believes in them!
of course all very different from the people
in this world who think they're god.......
PS Good oh, can't wait. I might use it at
Guides if it's a good one.
Vile Jelly 08 January 2004 09:33
Now, if we could just get the gods and the politicians to wipe each other out
in a mutually destructive Ragnarok this planet might actually become pleasant
to live on. Failing that I'm off to join Beagle 2 in its hideaway on Mars!
PS. RT still working on The Project. So, far all they have come up with is'
Frank'. So, I'm not sure they did THAT much brainstorming down the pub. Either
that or they foolishly put the Shauns in charge of writing up the meeting
notes!
Gill Richards 09 January 2004 08:49
As the former is hardly likely, can i come
with you?
Ps Frankly, i'm not sure if i like that. not
much of a title is it? Not one to be yelled out across the road! I think they
might have stormed thier brains too much.
Vile Jelly 09 January 2004 10:16
As long as you bring your own packed lunch. Apparently the facilities on Mars
are nearly as basic as they are in West Penwith!
PS. Don't think they've quite finalised their decision yet but, on the grounds
that it may take them a while to come back from the pub, maybe we should
solicit invitations from the Spooky St. Ives readership (if she's in!).
Gill Richards 09 January 2004 10:23
OK. Could you bring some extra pasties, they
don't make them properly up here. It's a shame Mars is so far away. If you
could go there every day it would help you work, rest and play!!
ps could do. that would mean you'd have to
update the site though. ;-)
Vile Jelly 09 January 2004 11:32
Sick of the sight of the bloody things. I shall be raiding a Chinese
wholesalers for my supplies before take off. Do you know if the atmosphere is
combustible? I prefer to cook with gas but .....
PS. Just waiting for Helling to pronounce on the subject as to whether SSI
should be buried at sea. (She has decided to take over managing my life
as I am doing it so badly and she has got much better ideas than me).
Gill Richards 09 January 2004 11:41
Not sure. I expect you can find out from some
web site. Not a problem though, being a guide i'm a dab hand at lighting
fires. As long as there is some sort of fuel... not sure if there are any
trees on Mars. you can be sure that Beagle has found them if there are!!
PS I hope she wouldn't do that. I propose
it's an important part of the make up of your life. Someone needs to take you
in hand (!) as you say, you're bumbling along with a white stick at present
Helen Bristol 09 January 2004 13:34
Actually, white stick broke on Wednesday and guide dog got run over yesterday.
Now pinning all my hopes on sage advice from my lifestyle guru.
Feel free to chip in if you want to. Perhaps we could have a JellyAid page on
the website where the readership can promulgate their great ideas and then the
Reporting Team can keep a diary of my progress.
PS. Fuel not a problem, was more interested in whether there would be
sufficient atmosphere for combustion to occur. If there is you can bring along
some marshmallows on sticks (mine ALWAYS used to fall off!) and then treat us
to a few campfire songs to lull the RT to sleep.
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