22 December 2003 09:04
Are bugs able to transfer across the internet? I shouldn't really be here
this morning, i haven't been that bad for a long time. The unfortunate thing
about it all is that i can't face alcohol!!!
22 December 2003 09:28
Well, don't blame me, obviously your computer doesn't have a strong enough
22 December 2003 10:23
You'd think that this lot would have a good fire wall wouldn't you?.
22 December 2003 13:48
Just call me Typhoid Mary!
22 December 2003 14:22
22 December 2003 15:38
Please, no need to be so formal. Call me Typhoid!
23 December 2003 08:13
"eh, you smell right grand tonight pet." Big bro likes that stuff
so there's a high chance of drinking some!
23 December 2003 09:12
Don't sound like it. On the udder hand, in the initial phases of the plague I
did seem to have periods of 'feeling much better', generally followed by periods
of not being able to feel anything at all. Still, good luck. Remember, no germ
can survive an Abdul's Kebab!
23 December 2003 10:13
You've got me worried now. I shan't cancel the doc until later. Perhaps a hot
23 December 2003 11:34
Aha, the classic recipe for entertaining children ..... Don't invite any
23 December 2003 12:18
oh yes! and if you get a bouncy castle as well, all the better!!!
23 December 2003 13:39
Yes, but, as you've admitted, your duvet is having a relationship with another man. Surely such infidelity deserves some sort of retribution. Hell hath no fury like a woman un-duveted, etc!
PS. The micro-blowtorches are also good for dealing with people who insist on buggering up everyone else's post-prandial slump by having a fag/cigar/pipe/joint after the meal. 'Do you mind if I smoke?' they say, knowing damn well you do but hoping you'll be too polite to start an argument over it. 'No,' you reply, 'Here, let me light it for you .....
23 December 2003 14:30
mmm....i'll get my own back. i'm off work next week and he isn't! (Paul, not the duvet)
Fantastic. The other excellent anti smoking defense is to fart loudly near said smokers, who when they start to complain can be shouted down with their own arguments. Seen it done. The couple next to us asked to be moved. Job done (not literally you understand).
23 December 2003 15:10
Just as long as it's not The Devil's Fart!
Did you enjoy your role in the Reporting Team's Mystery Play?
Talking of which, the RT have just hollered up the stairs. They have currently succumbed to a crate of Mr. Chimbley's finest brews which BM and H sent them. (Actually, we couldn't find the label but the RT swear blind that it was addressed to them). Anyway, it's good stuff and they are a tad relaxed at the minute but it sounded like:-
Crispy Hatmas and a Preposterous Nude Ear!
23 December 2003 15:20
Damned clever, how did you know i was reading that?
I have to say i was very impressed, if not a tad disturbed, with your imaginative skills. Thank goodness you have nothing to do or we would have all missed out on such a ripping yarn. I was very pleased to be a major part, never thought of myself as a vicar.
Glad the RT are enjoying themselves. I was surprised to see how large the entire team is. How do you tell the difference between all those Piglets.
Harpy Crispypots to them also.
24 December 2003 09:22
Well, I thought, given the laws of probability, at some point someone had to read the damn thing so I just kept asking at random intervals!
Vicar was the closest we could come as ACD doesn't seem to include Ghoul Guides in his stories (had they been invented then?). So, the RT made you the vicar instead of the Great Brown Owl or whatever your GG title is.
PS. We leave it to the Piglets to sort things amongst themselves. Hell, the Shauns can't even tell each other apart so they've got no chance!
05 January 2004 10:39
Happy New Year - hopefully.
Did you have a relatively good crimbo? How was the new year? Did anyone get killed or arrested?
GGs were invented in 1930 ish. Brownies do various bird things. Guides can do strange names but i chose not to have one, so they call me Gill. It may seem boring but less embarrassing if you see one out and about.
05 January 2004 17:31
Cheers, ears. Not much improvement so far but it's early doors yet. At least, touch wool (the Shauns were passing), I seem to be finally emerging from the abyss of this virus-thingy. There is an expression "I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy" to which I would reply, quoting Confucius, that that sentiment is 'a highway strewn with ancient venomous ophidians'*. I have many enemies, starting, in no particular order of importance, with god. I would cheerfully do unto him what he has done unto me in the last month ..... and then I'd kick him in the goolies to emphasise my point!
Talking of the Shauns, the RT say that they are very disappointed with your lack of titular curiosity as Obergruppenfuhrer of your Gal Guides. Being very much into anthropomorphic political incorrectness they request that you furnish a suitable resume of your qualities (wise as a fish, drinks like an owl, etc.) and they will work on providing you with a suitable call-sign.
* Or as they say in Chinese restaurants ..... "a road of old cobras"!
06 January 2004 12:21
Do you believe then? Cos judging by earlier missives you think it's all baloney, or do you just want someone to blame? ;-)
ok. i've had to think long and hard about this (!) and have come up with the following for the cuddly ones.
wise as a sheep
knowledgeable as a tree
drinks like a newt (not actually very much, it being so small)
eats like a horse
cute as a pig
clever as a cat
resourceful as a plate
as logical as water running up hill
as artful as a dodger
there you go that'll do for a lunch time, see what they come up with
07 January 2004 10:30
Of course, I believe in god. It would freak me out if all this unpleasantness was just a random occurrence. However, one should never make the mistake of assuming that belief in the existence of god equates to belief that god is a nice person. Personally, I can't credit all this 'god is good' rubbish that modern religions come out with. The evidence is overwhelmingly to the contrary. I subscribe to the traditional Greco-Roman, Teutonic-Scandinavian theories that god(s) are contrary, arbitrary super-beings who can be just as nasty as thee and me.
PS. RT working on your title as we speak ..... oh, hang on ..... Ah, it seems they've gone to the pub (presumably in search of inspiration)! Minority Report to follow in due course.
07 January 2004 10:41
All clear now, I think i'm with you. I don't hold with the God fearing thing either. He/she isn't going to get you because you don't go to church, it just depends who is in view when (s)he's feeling particularly nasty. I also subscribe to Pratchett's view of the God(s). Lots of them all having a good time and being nasty to us when they feel like it. And disappearing if no-one believes in them!
of course all very different from the people in this world who think they're god.......
PS Good oh, can't wait. I might use it at Guides if it's a good one.
08 January 2004 09:33
Now, if we could just get the gods and the politicians to wipe each other out in a mutually destructive Ragnarok this planet might actually become pleasant to live on. Failing that I'm off to join Beagle 2 in its hideaway on Mars!
PS. RT still working on The Project. So, far all they have come up with is' Frank'. So, I'm not sure they did THAT much brainstorming down the pub. Either that or they foolishly put the Shauns in charge of writing up the meeting notes!
09 January 2004 08:49
As the former is hardly likely, can i come with you?
Ps Frankly, i'm not sure if i like that. not much of a title is it? Not one to be yelled out across the road! I think they might have stormed thier brains too much.
09 January 2004 10:16
As long as you bring your own packed lunch. Apparently the facilities on Mars are nearly as basic as they are in West Penwith!
PS. Don't think they've quite finalised their decision yet but, on the grounds that it may take them a while to come back from the pub, maybe we should solicit invitations from the Spooky St. Ives readership (if she's in!).
09 January 2004 10:23
OK. Could you bring some extra pasties, they don't make them properly up here. It's a shame Mars is so far away. If you could go there every day it would help you work, rest and play!!
ps could do. that would mean you'd have to update the site though. ;-)
09 January 2004 11:32
Sick of the sight of the bloody things. I shall be raiding a Chinese wholesalers for my supplies before take off. Do you know if the atmosphere is combustible? I prefer to cook with gas but .....
PS. Just waiting for Helling to pronounce on the subject as to whether SSI should be buried at sea. (She has decided to take over managing my life as I am doing it so badly and she has got much better ideas than me).
09 January 2004 11:41
Not sure. I expect you can find out from some web site. Not a problem though, being a guide i'm a dab hand at lighting fires. As long as there is some sort of fuel... not sure if there are any trees on Mars. you can be sure that Beagle has found them if there are!!
PS I hope she wouldn't do that. I propose it's an important part of the make up of your life. Someone needs to take you in hand (!) as you say, you're bumbling along with a white stick at present
09 January 2004 13:34
Actually, white stick broke on Wednesday and guide dog got run over yesterday. Now pinning all my hopes on sage advice from my lifestyle guru.
Feel free to chip in if you want to. Perhaps we could have a JellyAid page on the website where the readership can promulgate their great ideas and then the Reporting Team can keep a diary of my progress.
PS. Fuel not a problem, was more interested in whether there would be sufficient atmosphere for combustion to occur. If there is you can bring along some marshmallows on sticks (mine ALWAYS used to fall off!) and then treat us to a few campfire songs to lull the RT to sleep.
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