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Lucy T. Lobster 23 December 2003 18:42 Mystery Play
Oh Shaun, are you all right? Mr. Jelly said I had a small but important
role as a fatal lobster, but I've read it 3 times and I can't find me.
I rather thought of myself as like the nurse in the English Patient,
selflessly sacrificing my escape to care for you..............................
Sadly He doesn't survive but as the RT are writing the script I thought that
you could........................that is if its you and not
Shaun.......................in which case the confusion problem could be
solved for ever.........................
Well, Crimbo's nearly here. Helling's tree looks twinkly and sparkly,
which is more than I can say about her. There's a moule-fest party tomorrow
night but its for grown ups (ahem!) so's I've got to go to bed early but I
won't get to sleep 'cos I'm so excited about Father Christmas coming and
filling my stockings. Nothing like this happens in the German Sea.
PS Helling says to say Happy Crimbo to ALL the RT and keep the gin away from
Soupie and sometink about 3 glasses and she's anybody's..........I think she
meant Soupie.
Shaun T. Sheep 24 December 2003 10:04
Don't worry, Lu, we cheated and used doubles in the dangerous stunts. VJ was
worried we might get injured and wouldn't let us do our own stunts due to
contractual obligations (we're cooking the Crimbo dinner).
You appear in the last paragraph of Volume 13. You may have been reading the
first version of the story which Jelly made a complete rickets of when he
first promulgated it. The correct version is now on the electronic intothenet.
PS. I'd stay away from the stockings if I were you, particularly when you are
near the sea. I get very worried about the thought of you being in
fishnets!
PPS. I'm not telling Soupie anything. She is a dragon whereas I am only a
sheep!
Loaf & fishes,
Shaun (and Shaun, just in case I'm not the right Shaun).
Lucy T. Lobster 24 December 2003 15:29
Shaun, I'm sitting here holding up a piece of mistletoe which Helling says is
something humans do...............but I feel a bit of a sprat all puckered up
and no one to snog. Do you think wishes really do come true? Can
reindeer really fly? Does Santa come down the chimney? Helling wouldn't
lie to me, would she?
XXX
Shaun T. Sheep 25 December 2003 09:25
Quick, put the Miserytoe down. That only attracts humans and you don't want to
be snogged by one of them, believe me. Only the other week Vile Jelly went mad
and snogged me for some unfathomable reason. Bleaaaagh!
I don't think that Helling would deliberately lie to you but remember she
is only a human. To be honest, we're not quite sure what goes on today other
than a disturbingly large number of the RT seem to have been hatched on
previous Crimbo days. We all have the same weird recollection of being inside
some dark, papery womb and then suddenly emerging into a room full of humans,
sherry and mints pies.
We don't know what it all means but every Xmas Eve VJ lies in wait by the
chimbley just in case he can catch Santa in the act and slap a load of Child
Support bills on him!
Lucy T. Lobster 26 December 2003 11:45
Its OK ,Shaun, he did that for me.
Did Mr. Jelly catch Santa? Has your fambly got any bigger? It must
be very exciting having a big fambly. Here its just CM, me, a load of
grumpy teddy bears and a doll that says "Mama", oh and I think
there's a Tigger in the attic. CM's OK but is partial to fish and oftens
sits licking his lips and pretending not to look at me.
I felt more at home on Crimbo Eve when a blackheaded gull settled down outside
the back door. Unfortunately it died a couple of hours later.
Shaun T. Sheep
26 December 2003 16:12
No sign of anything in the chimbley but we made VJ stay up all night so that
he didn't find what we'd extracted from Mr. Chimbley earlier!
Don't take any lip (or licking of lips) from Fatto Macho. If he causes you any
grief tell him that we will be round with a violin that needs a new set of
strings!
PS. Sorry to hear about the door, did you give it a good send-off?
Catto Macho 27 December 2003 12:02
CM here,
Who you calling fat? I'm a handsome, sleek, black cat - in my
prime. I may have a healthy appetite, but I exercise regularly. My
body is a temple ...
PS Shaun, don't get any ideas about Lucy. I'm over-handsome,
over-sexed and over here; while you, you poor pathetic sheep, are stuck over
there in the back-of-beyond. What use are you to a nubile person of a
lobster persuasion? We put the mistletoe to VERY good use...
purrrrrrrr
Shaun T. Sheep 27 December 2003 13:28
Pah!
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father
smelled of elderberries.
Now, go away, you silly english cat, or I will taunt you some more!
Shaun The Vicious Killer Sheep
PS. Say it isn't true, Lu.
Lucy T. Lobster 27 December 2003 17:04
Oh Shaun, how could something I called a friend do this to me? Now I'll
never trust a bloke ( animal or human) again.
PS Honest, Shaun, it wasn't like that at all.
Shaun T. Sheep 28 December 2003 08:58
No, no, foolish crustacean, unless you have changed species and become a cat
you will notice on re-reading the e-mus that I was farting in the general
direction of Catto Mucho Gracias, who surreptitiously hijacked your last
communiqué.
PS. What was it like then? Helling claimed that you and he had drunk all their
wine on Crimbo Eve and I've heard what these office parties get like when
everyone is piscatorial!
Catto Macho 27 December 2003 17:12 To Shaun
CM here,
I didn't realise you knew my parents... its more than I did.
Sticks and stones... dear boy, sticks and stones. I don't think I
mentioned the other guys here. Did I? The inner circle are George,
Big Black and White (BBW as he likes to be called), Panther, Sox, and
Fattingtonne ( youll have guessed that Helling and he share an interest in
things oriental) You want trouble mister, you just try coming over here.
PS Sweet Lucy's denial is about as since as VJ...
Shaun T. Sheep 28 December 2003 08:58
Pah! Pah! And double pah!
We have enough instruments for a string section here, so the more cats the
merrier! Big Blubbery and Worthless sounds ideal for the double bass. So,
maybe we'll just pop round to say 'Cello' and wave goodbye to you!
PS. 'As since as VJ'? Don't bother your betters until you can learn to speak
and spell, you fat, fetid, foolish, floppy, fish-filled, festering, furry
fleabag.
Catto Macho 28 December 2003 15:12
(pr licking of lips) ? Stones, glasshouses and throwing spring to
mind...
First you've got to find the place. Betimes I shall continue to blow my
own trumpet.
PS Helling thought it was a philosophical point - 'As since as VJ' - discuss
Miao, your favourite, fabuluous, fluffy feline, purrrrrr
Shaun T. Sheep 28 December 2003 16:37
Taxi?
Taxi?
Taxi!
Can someone get me a taxidermist please.
PS. I found the strings section of the London Philharmonic in a music shop
down here looking for accessories. I pointed them in your direction. Hope you
don't mind but I had a GUT feeling you could help them.
Bwahahahahahaha!
S. T. V. K. S.
Lucy T. Lobster 28 December 2003 15:19
I'm not a foolish anything. I know CM hijacked my emus. I
was ashley concerned at being betrayed - no that is not too strong a word - by
CM not you you daft sheep.
good gracious, if I have to explain to you , you wouldn't
understand.
It's very quiet now that everyone has gone. I've just discovered a
bottle of something called Fino...
Shaun T. Sheep 28 December 2003 16:37
I think they make it into Sharks' Fino Soup. Well, he who is vilest of them
all always insists on cooking with sherry, so I guess that must be what you do
with it.
PS. I'd stay well away from that pestilential pussy parasite if I were you.
Have you any idea how much his species has done to empty the contents of the
seas?
Catto Macho 29 December 2003 16:38
The London Philharmonic ? trio? if my memory of SI shops serves me right.
Mucho Macho Catto
Shaun T. Sheep 29 December 2003 18:25
Pah!, once more.
I laugh derisively at your foolish feline fantasies. Everybody who knows
St. Ives knows that you could never be a St. Ives cat and as, unfortunately,
you do not seem to have been eaten by seagulls, we can therefore deduce that
you have never been to St. Ives.
But do feel free to pop down in reality if you want, Pushkin is licking his
lips already.
PS. Polly got wind of your smug and lecherous e-mails and has reported you to
the RSPCL on suspicion of molestation. Hope you enjoy sharing a cell with
Michael Jackson. I'll be buggered if I do!
STVKS
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