|
Gill Richards 09 January 2004 15:27 RE: hi
Oh dear, ALL your hopes?
JellyAid. Sounds great, what shall we send
you? Packets of food, well making kits, grain to grow your own crops?
Not knowing the current economy down there,
i'm not sure i know what to suggest. Up here there are so many hungry office
workers you'd never go poor.
PS Don't know that either. Ah well, you'd
leave them in too long see. The whole point is that you warm them enough
so they are all squishy and just about the melt, but don't catch fire and
certainly don't fall off into the fire. Yum. You can get quite sick eating
them when you get the hang though, very sweet. I know some nice quiet
songs....i also know some noisy ones, so when they're fit they can join in.
Vile Jelly 09 January 2004 15:57
Yes, both of them, I'm afraid. Leastways, until Operation Beagle is
successfully launched.
I presumed JellyAid would follow the traditional route of the affluent
countries sending me stuff they are trying to get rid of rather than
stuff that is actually needed. On the other hand, if I get sent enough kit I
might be able to do a Mugabe and make a fortune flogging it on to the
unsuspecting!
Sounds like you've got your marshmallow technique finely-honed (as we would
expect from the Ray(chel) Mears of the GG world). Just one thing, should I
take them out of the packet first?
Gill Richards 12 January 2004 08:35
It was successfully launched. It was the
landing they had problems with.
Ok, so what would you like the powers to send
you. Iraq could send you those weapons they've supposedly been playing ring on
a string with, New Zealand could send you some sheep and Blair could send you
Gordon Brown. America would pay you loads, the Shauns would be happy and you
could make a deal with Blair that you would then ignore.
yes.
Vile Jelly 12 January 2004 09:31
But it did land successfully. After all, it did make a successful break for
freedom from the mad scientists!
Please, two sheep are more than enough to try to cope with. Don't want Brown
either. I know he's got all the money in the country now but he's only
interested in spending all our taxes on projects to make life better for his
sprog. The Americans might be usable, though. What I need to do is convince
them I am a right-wing military dictatorship dedicated to resisting communism,
religious fundamentalism and EU trade tariffs. All I need is some sort of
paramilitary organisation to make it look like I've got a small army backing
me up ..... I don't suppose you could temporarily lend me your battalion of
Gal Guides? How about 10% of the CIA cash plus all the rocket-launchers you
can carry?
Gill Richards 12 January 2004 10:28
But how do you know? It hasn't told us!
Damn kids.
You could have all 20 of them to make a
good crowd, but we'd have to come up with a good excuse to get them all there,
they tend not to turn up if they don't like the sound of something. Sounds
like a good deal.
Vile Jelly 12 January 2004 13:56
No, the Reporting Team advises me that Beagle 2 just hasn't bothered
(understandably) to contact the humans. Hell, if you managed to get off this
lunatic asylum of a planet would you invite the inmates to follow you?
I'll leave it to you to work out what gets their juices going. Either they can
invade small countries or, if that's not their bag, we could entice them with
the possibility that if they keep at it we'll be able to persuade Dubya to
send over some Hollywood hunks to boost the troops morale!
Gill Richards 12 January 2004 14:09
Probably not. Apart from a few select people,
i'd get lonely otherwise.
Nasty thought. The small countries would be
the best bet, they'd get bored with anything that took too long. Not old
enough for Hollywood hunks, boy bands and chocolate for the little ones. He
can send the Hollywood hunks over for the Guiders (can we choose which ones?)
Vile Jelly 13 January 2004 10:55
Have to be small countries, then. No way am I taking boy bands with us. They
are one of the reasons I am so desperate to get off this planet.
On the plus side, I'd have thought you could just send Dubya a shopping list
of your Hollywood hunks. He'd be glad of the opportunity to avoid straining
his braincell on making a choice.
Gill Richards 13 January 2004 11:12
Hey, who said anything about them coming with
us? They can invade the countries and then occupy them with their boy bands.
You don't want boy bands, i don't want the Guides! (having read the previous
emails they definitely aren't coming with us, this was to do with JellyAid)
Good idea. We wouldn't want any shoddy goods.
PS getting a bit crowded up here now (mind
you i think i've lost the plot, can't remember why we're on this subject) i
think we should go back the original idea, whatever that was. got it now
forget this PS.
Vile Jelly 13 January 2004 16:41
Oh, that's alright then.
So, we can just follow the sage advice of Ripley & Hicks in Aliens .....
take off and nuke the planet from a low orbit!
As luck would have it, I have recently received an electric mail from Helling
who, apparently, has weaponry regularly dropped on her by the Americans. I
have already asked her to forward surplus ordnance to me.
Set the controls for the heart of the sun!
Gill Richards 14 January 2004 14:49
we don't have to blow ourselves up do we? cos
that would just be a mess.
ok cap'n. should be a bit warmer there. my
typing finger is beginning to freeze, we have fabulous heating in this
office....
Have just arranged with him indoors that we
are coming down your way mid July. Hurrah!
Vile Jelly 15 January 2004 09:52
No, no. I mean nuke Earth as we depart just to make sure that the boy bands
and other undesirables (i.e. humans) don't follow us.
Assuming Operation Beagle hasn't been launched by summer are you bringing him
indoors with you or leaving him indoors indoors? Also, you'd best make sure
you don't come too late in July for fear of experiencing youknowwhat!
Gill Richards 15 January 2004 15:22
ah, good, i'll start collecting the cuddlies
and furries.
bringing him indoors hence the 'we', be a bit
lonely otherwise. Intend to come down 9th or 16th. We don't like
experiencing youknowwhat so we always take our hols in term time. Do you think
you'll be gainfully employed by then?
Vile Jelly 16 January 2004 10:09
Talking of which, are you intending to bring old whatshisface with you on
Operation Beagle and, if so, which group should be allocated to: cuddly or
furry?
I'd better be gainfully employed by then or I will either be departed or the
dearly departed!
|
I (that’s me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, it’s nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved. |