Ordnance Purveyors

Helen Bristol

12 January 2004 18:06

Happy Returns

Well, we're back safely.  There were plenty of stuffed boiler suits on guard in the brassica fields - presumably to shoot any young sprouts who tried to make a break for the Wash and freedom.  We travelled back under cover of darkness so, what with BM's black car and all that, we were OK.
Its getting a bit too close to home now with this "friendly fire" and co-lateral damage. First they have to dump tonnes of aviation fuel over East Angular, then disturb the peace and quiet of our rural idyll and now some butter-fingers accidentally drops a WMD  -  oops! but its OK 'cos it was only a pretend one.  god, they'd be dangerous if they had a brain... umm...come to think of it their pseudo-leader is (,) without one.
PS It seems we missed the worst of the weather.
PPS the 'scope says something about Uranus being retrograde in Venus, or was it the other way round?

Vile Jelly

13 January 2004 11:09

Did you check the jalopy when you got home to make sure there weren't any illegal brassican immigrants trying to smuggle themselves in?
Was it a rubber bomb? (You know, the heavy ordnance practice equivalent of rubber bullets). If they do drop any of the good stuff and you get the chance, can you swipe it and post it down to me. All the military does down here is fish people out of the water so the opportunities to stockpile weaponry is virtually non-existent.
We just got the fringes of it, I think. It winded quite a lot but we didn't have any floods or anything exciting like that. Looks like it might be thinking about having another go today.
PS. Leave my anus out of this. And anyway what does 'retrograde' mean? Sore?

Helen Bristol

13 January 2004 18:44

No illegal immigrants,but we made it home in record time with a tail wind!
D'know, they didn't say. S'pose its classified info.  Anyway, what you want it for?  Oh, by the way, we passed a factory called "Emmett"... do you think that's where they're manufactured?  Happen as maybe, that was what the yanks were trying to hit.
PS How should I know, I'm just quoting those who know about these things.  You're the one who does big words.  This will probably sound familiar, your mum was a teacher wasn't she?  Mine always used to say 'Look it up in the dictionary'   "I'm walking retrogradely to Crimbo" 
On the other hand, it means what you want it to mean - a bit like the art of astrology.  Whatever turns you on...or whatever you turn on.  Wasn't s'posed to be personal, why do you always make things personal?
PPS Feeling a lot knackered ce soir.  Grappling with stats for most of the afternoon... so brain's gone numb.  Then just did a few lengths at the pool... back not happy.

Vile Jelly

14 January 2004 10:24

Personally, I always thought the retrograde were the dumb kids who were made to do non-academic subjects so as not to bugger up the school's grade curve.
Well, how else am I supposed to take it other than personally? I distinctly heard you say 'uranus' and as my anus is attached to me it is a bit difficult not to regard it as a personal subject!
PS. How do you manage to play pool with a bad back?
PPS. Keep sending the ordnance my way, Winwaloe has come up with a cunning plan and we need every bit of high explosive we can get our hands on.

Helen Bristol

14 January 2004 17:52

Its all a matter of emphasis.
Is it FYEO or can you divulge the secret?

Vile Jelly

15 January 2004 10:04

It is a closely guarded secret and will never be revealed (other than in the next promulgate where no emmet will ever find it!).
PS. Can you ask the USAAF to drop some more ordnance on you, it looks like we are going to need quite a bit!

Helen Bristol

15 January 2004 18:11

Thanks, pal. Knowing their record for accuracy I'd rather not risk lifeand limb for a plot that you won't reveal.  Anyway, I told you i don't hold with things what go bang and kill lots of people.
Sod's law isn't it?  The whole IT system went down today with a major electrical fault.  Once back up and running they'd lost the filtering system so loads os spam was getting through.  Did I get any? Did I heck. No one offering me a boob job, free money or whatever.  Story of my life. 
BM went North at 4.45 a.m. Supposed to be back tonight... hope the snow's not too bad.  I shall have to resort to shake'n'vac to pass the time!

Vile Jelly

16 January 2004 10:24

Exactement. So, you're safest if they're aiming at you. And the whole point of things that go bang and kill people is not to hold with them but to let them go before they go off. Better to be an exploder rather than an explodee, that's what I say.
Why don't you and BM move down here? It never snows and the brassica quotient is very low. You won't have to worry about falling into the hands of rogue chiropractors either as I don't think there are any in the vicinity. CM could give up his wimpish life and become a fat St. Ives cat and make a living out of leeching off the ems.
PS. You can have my spam if you want. I get loads all the time (price of infamy I suppose).

Next    Back    Home    Site Map

I (thatís me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.