Washington Post Unhaste

Gill Richards

15 January 2004 13:50


thought you might appreciate these.

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. These are the
2002 winners:

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp..

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Vile Jelly

16 January 2004 19:09

I did. Have you got the 2003 results yet?

Gill Richards

19 January 2004 11:03

oh no. we'll get those next year!

Vile Jelly

20 January 2004 09:39

But it's 2004 already, why do they need so long to promulgate the winners? The St. Ives Times & Echo has already promulgated the winners of the 2003 Crimbo and New Year competitions and crossword.

Gill Richards

20 January 2004 13:21

I don't know, i just get get sent emails to break up the tedium of the day. i don't know where they started and why it takes over a year to arrive. Whoever arranges it obviously isn't as efficient as the St Ives Times and Echo staff.

Vile Jelly

20 January 2004 15:27

So, you have an anonymous e-mail admirer, eh? Hit the reply icon and send them a virus. Wait to see who shrieks in outrage and that should flush them out.

PS. Have you considered e-mailing the Washboard Post directly to find out the answer?

Gill Richards

20 January 2004 15:31

I know who sent it, she got it from Australia. I wouldn't send her a virus that wouldn't be very nice.

I haven't; probably cos i'm not that bothered. Maybe i'll surf to see if i can find it one lunchtime.

Vile Jelly

21 January 2004 09:44

Blimey, no wonder the news from George Washington's post took so long to reach you if the postman delivered it to Australia first.

Talking of which, it is Australia Day on 26th (I think) January and I am currently working on Taner at the Sloop to arrange for some suitable decorations to be put up (Turkish flags, photos of Gallipolli, etc.)!

Gill Richards

21 January 2004 11:35

Yes 'tis. I presume you won't be drinking XXXX.....

Vile Jelly

22 January 2004 09:29

No, but I imagine I will be passing it later if I have a few pints of Doom!

PS. Did you see that thing that was in the poopers (last weekend, I think)
saying that the latest census (or whatever) had shown that anyone with
brains and/or talent is leaving Australia?

Gill Richards

22 January 2004 09:37


No, don't read any poopers. I'm not surprised though. The same logic can be applied to those people who decide to emigrate there.

Vile Jelly

23 January 2004 10:16

Perhaps they evolve there. Maybe they start off being dumb enough to want to go there and gradually become smart enough to want to leave.

Gill Richards

23 January 2004 12:54

it's a distinct possibility

Vile Jelly

23 January 2004 15:12

Of course, the existence of Aussie TV soaps would argue that they are even less evolved than the Constipation Street/Beast Benders/etc. neanderthals in this country.

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