Grammar's Cool!


Helen Bristol

16 January 2004 18:12

Re: Happy Returns

Phew, that was a close call.  I'd just got the Vax out and in walked the intrepid explorer...closely followed by BM!
 
Cornshire is a very attractive prospect, not least because of the Doom - however, I don't want to be slighted by your all-embracing condemnation of incomers-who-buy-up-all-the-local-property-and-take-the-few-jobs-that-there-are.  I wouldn't miss the snow, never have liked getting cold.  BUT could I give up the brassicas?  That's the question. Oooooo, I don't know.  What is life without a Brussels sprout?  No sprouts - lots of warm weather?  Doom but no sprouts?  Oh, I can't think straight - its Friday - end of the week - been sat infront of my 'puter all day - brain slowly shutting down. 
 
Can't see BM taking kindly to being uprooted... he had a very traumatic kittenhood - at least that's what he claims.  Says that accounts for his anti-social behaviour now.  On the other paw, Lucy would be near her beloved Shaun.
 
Its bad enough for BM getting around the UK from the eastern extremity, at least he can get out of East Angular in about an hour and a half (that's at my driving speed - don't worry I'll drive slowly on the drink-Cornwall-dry expotition) but it takes hours to get out of the SW peninsular.  Then there's my aged Mother...
 
I won't go on - you'll think I don't want to live in St Ives...
 
PS It seems that spam is still off the menu

Vile Jelly

16 January 2004 19:17

But why feel guilty about it? Mrs Shipman certainly doesn't and she's getting buckets of cash from the NHS. Besides, I'm sure the locals will take you to heart if you plough but 0.001% of your NHS pension into the local economy. Hell, if you do, you will be the local economy.
 
Fascinated by Big Mac's feline origins (or is that a typo?), it would explain much.
 
PS. Does your aged mother always burst into the room while you are in mid e-mail or was that a figure of speech?

Helen Bristol

17 January 2004 10:29

Curses, the truth is out.  Must have been a Freudian slip. I was getting my 'C's and 'B's mixed up - had corrected one but not t'other.  What exactly would it explain?
 
It would indeed be wonderful if aged mother was able to burst in anywhere, she's not really the headline-catching "Grannie, goes sky diving on her **th birthday".  I've just finished reading 'eats,shoots and leaves' so am practising my punctuation!

Vile Jelly

17 January 2004 14:36

Oh, all sorts. Don't want to scandalise the rest of the SSI readership, though. Well, Holly, anyway!
 
You should get together with the Sonics. Being exceptionally fierce, blue and spikey hedgehogs they are experts at puncturation.
 
PS. If your puncturation of the title is correct then I don't get the cover (which shows a panda, I believe). If that is the case then it should be entitled 'Eats Shoots And Leaves'. If the title is supposed to be 'Eats, Shoots And Leaves' then surely the book should have John Travolta & Samuel L. Jackson doing their Pulp Fiction thang on the cover, n'est-ce pas?

Helen Bristol

17 January 2004 16:07

That is precisely her (Lynn Truss') point.  Some of the examples in the book are quite amusing.  I was going to get it for my dept at work but as 2 of them have dyslexia I decided it could be taken the wrong way. 
 
If you have any good ideas how to deal with the problem I'd be very glad to hear them.  Oh, I'm sure Holly must be growing up now, after all she reads SSI.
 
Too close contact with the Sonics could be a deflating experience.  I prefer something cuddly, like Shaun .

Vile Jelly

17 January 2004 17:53

Nonsense, boy, has your experience of the 20th century taught you nothing? Inflict upon them the wisdom of your truss. Only by crushing, humiliating and then, simultaneously crushing and humiliating anyone you can, will you succeed in life. How do you think a 'left wing' party got elected?
 
PS. The Sonics are luvverly and cuddly ..... but not if you get on their wrong side. You see, it's not just who you know but whether you know if they're pointing in a safe direction!

Helen Bristol

18 January 2004 18:49

I was able to accept being called a girlie bloke, but girlie boy? That sounds like the philosophy of Saddam.
 
You know, Paul, there are times when I (completely) comprehend what you're talking about; there are other times when I think you must be talking in some sort of code that I am not enigmatic (although still mythical) enough to decipher; and yet other times when the only explanation is that you imbibed a weeks supply of Sharps Special in one sitting/lying.  Or is it me?  No, no.  I'm completely sane, sensible and sober - oops, my nose has just grown another centimetre.
 
PS How do I know whether the direction is safe?

Vile Jelly

20 January 2004 09:21

Everyone's called boy down here, boy. Or sometimes mate, mate. Besides, as any fool knows, being a girlie boy is an honoured professional career in Thailand!
 
Can't see how you are failing to decipher by worms of wisdom, they are as plain as jumbo jets. Which bit don't you get?
 
PS. As a general rule of thumb, spikes pointing towards you is the unsafe direction.

Helen Bristol

20 January 2004 19:19

But we're not in Thailand. The girlie-boys of Newquay doesn't have quite the same mystique as the lady-boys of Bangkok (to those so inclined)
 
Depends on the phase of the moon, my comprehension seems to follow the same pattern.  I'm sure it has nothing to do with the quantity quaffed. Maybe its just me - fertile imagination and all that.  What's my truss got to do with things I experienced last century............ah!     yes,    well,     I do see what you mean there - happy days...
 
PS Does that apply to anything of a vaguely pointy persuasion?
 
PPS You should be careful who you call boy/mate  -  in  Uncle Sigmund's circles this would be explored in GREAT depth.
 
PPPS And, no, I'm not telling you what to with your life, you're a free spirit, an intelligent, white male (your words),  perfectly capable of managing your own life

Vile Jelly

21 January 2004 09:33

Nukie, Bangkok, Sodom, Gomorrah ..... spot the difference!
 
PS. Not sure, I am only used to dealing with the Sonics.
 
PPS. Never understood Clement Freud's psycho-babble, I don't have a sub-conscious. All my thoughts are entirely upfront and intended. So, when I think about being smeared in honey by bees in sexy lingerie that's just what happens to be what I am thinking about at the time.
 
PPPS. Too late. The barbarians have overwhelmed me and are at the gates of SSI. I am just tidying things up before I fall on my sword (or flee into exile, whichever is the less messy option).

Helen Bristol

21 January 2004 17:35

All look the same to me.
 
It was the worms of wisdom that sometimes confuse (easily done,I know) me, not your thoughts. But the bees - what a beguiling picture.
 
PS Fleeing sounds less terminal. Who cares about the mess if you're not around to bother about it. 

Vile Jelly

22 January 2004 09:12

Nonsense, matey boy, if you can't tell the difference between Sonic The Hedgehog and mere mortals then you need your eyes testing (or pickling).
 
It's all in the inflection, you just need to pay attention to where the stress goes.
 
But I hate packing and I'm bound to miss the train anyway.
 
PS. Leave my bees alone. Work out your own altered states of consciousness!

Helen Bristol

22 January 2004 17:56

Oh dear, this is getting far too convoluted, I can't keep up with which reply refers to what response. Of course I can tell the difference between a Sonic and a mortal - most mortals are less prickly.
 
PS I had no intention of interferring with your bees.  So what colour is the sexy lingerie?
 
PPS I prefer my own mystical world, I'm in control there.
 
PPPS In case Shaun is concerned that he hasn't heard from Lucy, its OK, she is feeling a lot better now.  A bit miffed that he obviously hasn't missed her, though

Vile Jelly

23 January 2004 10:00

And, generally, less blue as well.
 
Don't know as I dream in black and white.
 
Is that a direct quotation from Geoff 'Buff' Hoon?
 
Shaun has been busy in his isolation tank undergoing primal bleat therapy.

Next    Back    Home    Site Map

 
I (thatís me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.