Gonner Here!

Gill Richards

19 January 2004 11:01

RE: hi

Yes, not very nice to leave him behind. Paul definitely belongs to the cuddly group.
I expect by then all the kitchens will be wanting to open again. It it wasn't such a long time away and you'll be daft to do it, all the chefs, waiters etc could refuse to work and no one could have any food. That'd stuff em. However i'm sure you'll be moaning about the emmets soon enough. My family is doing it's bit; parents were down there AGAIN last week and my brother is going down for Easter and then me! Been confirmed as 9th.

Vile Jelly

20 January 2004 09:39

Now, now, you know you can NEVER trust anyone called Paul. However, on the off chance that he is, in fact, cuddly, the RT have requested full details as to what colour and species he is. (Pink and human will earn mega minus points). Is he a TV, film or video game character? How much beer can he drink in one sitting?
PS. I've decided to try and stop mentioning the emmets any more. Clearly I am wasting my breath trying to convince anyone in the outside world to take off the rose-tinted tourist glasses and have a more considered look at the place. So, stuff 'em!
There will probably be a PRONOUNCEMENT on this week's update.

Gill Richards

20 January 2004 13:19

err, that'd be several minus points then. However i am beginning to think he might be a video game character with the amount of time he spends playing computer games. And he doesn't drink much beer anymore, we are still in mourning that it makes him ill - more for me though. I could regain some points with the amount of cuddlies i have (none of which are famous, oh apart from the clangers) and the fact that i am totally mad and have 3 furries - cream with brown features of the hugus catus species.
you won't do it. Those of us who know the place and talk to you regularly have got the point and ignore you, those people who visit occasionally and think 'what a nice site' are beyond help. But in spite of all that, the summer will come and you'll start bellyaching again.
I have just been to the shops and in Waterstones found a couple of books which indicate that certain members of the RT have been moonlighting. 'The Joy of Shaun' and 'Fung Shaun'. I'd have a word with them if i were you and put your wallet away, they obviously don't need your money with the royalties they'll be getting. 

Vile Jelly

20 January 2004 15:27

Hm, maybe we could put a roof rack on the space module and that way you could take him to Mars without risking 'human contamination' for the rest of the ark.
Nice to know I've made such a decisive impression. Oh well, we'll see who cracks first.
PS. The Shauns say that the royalties have already been blown on beer, wine and primal bleat therapy!

Gill Richards

20 January 2004 15:35

But we're already in there, so he may as well come inside too. Anyway it'd be too cold on the roof. And who would make the tea?
ok, so what is primal bleat therapy? if it involves beer i suggest they're fibbing 

Vile Jelly

21 January 2004 09:44

Don't forget that I will have a small legion of tea-makers with me. They won't be allowed to go on the ale before or during the trip otherwise we will have to keep stopping at every asteroid for 'calls of nature'!
Primal bleat therapy is when they recreate the moment of their birth and re-live the agonising scream of horror they utter when they realise that the world is full of humans. Apparently beer is involved but the Shauns advise me that it is strictly for medicinal purposes to stop the primal bleater from falling into suicidal despair at the thought of all those horrible humans!

Gill Richards

21 January 2004 11:40

They make tea do they? I would have thought that unless it came in a bottle or a tin they weren't interested. Won't we have a WC on board? I mean of course we won't be allowed to queue for it or hover around the door cos we might be terrorists, but it is a basic requirement after all.
Does the moment of their birth come at the final stitch or when the box is opened in the shop? 
And you believed them? They must go through a lot of therapy..... 

Vile Jelly

22 January 2004 09:29

Of course they make tea. Essential first thing in the morning for dealing with that mysterious headache and thirst bug that they seem to keep catching overnight!
I didn't bother installing toilet facilities due to force of habit. Anyone who has walked with any frequency on the Coast Path soon learns to cope without such things. Is that a problem for you?
Dunno, as I am not their biological parent I am never around at the moment of conception. I just take in whatever waifs and strays come (or more often, stagger) my way. I did try asking the Shauns but they said they couldn't remember as they had been rather busy and somewhat distracted at the time.
Not sure how much therapy has been involved but they've certainly got through a lot of beer!

Gill Richards

22 January 2004 09:45

Being of the girlie bloke persuasion i find that yes it is a problem. Wind, rain and cold is perfectly alright when you only have to stand behind a tree fully clothed, need i go on?
Lots of small Shauns in the fields at the mo, very pleasant when out driving but dodgy if it's busy. None of them seem to have jumpers on.
Why doesn't that surprise me?

Vile Jelly

23 January 2004 10:16

But everyone keeps telling me that the female species is so much more evolved than the male. Surely such magnificent specimens would not be thwarted by a mere lack of a u-bend and something to sit on?
PS. The Shauns say the micro-shauns are nothing to do with them, although they do tend to panic when anyone who looks like they might be with the CSA rolls up to the front door.
PPS. They also say that the sheeplets have probably taken their jumpers off to make goalposts for a game of footie (or should that be hoofie?).

Gill Richards

23 January 2004 12:58

We are in many ways, but just to keep our feet on the ground God said she wanted us to keep one very awkward habit. It's not the u-bend but the something to sit on.
PS. Do we believe them?
PPS. Do micro-Shauns play hoofie? I mean if they do have jumpers, which i doubt, then their mothers shouldn't allow them to take them off it being so cold. And have you ever seen them do anything but spring like what they are meant to?

Vile Jelly

23 January 2004 15:12

Well, you'll just have to evolve then. Primates can manage without the flushing toilet so it can't be that difficult a trick to learn!
PS. Of course I believe the Shauns. If you can't trust sheep who can you trust?
PPS. They play hoofie all the time, just not when human beans are in the vicinity. Haven't you seen the classic Far Side cartoon of the cows' lookout shouting 'car'?

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