Waiter There's A Lacuna In My Palimpsest!


Gill Richards

02 February 2004 10:33

RE: hi

Now you surprise me. Why is having pubs open all the time namby pamby? I can think of many things that 24/7 is but namby pamby?!
 
How was your weekend? I spent most of it painting again however i am more than half way there. Surprisingly i don't have any cat stuck to my doors. Very strange weather on thursday. There was a crack of thunder and the world turned white then froze. Going to work was fun, i walk downhill - or rather slid....

Vile Jelly

03 February 2004 09:14

Well, it's namby-pamby if some poor soul is trying to persuade the Reporting Team that they might as well stay and make some tea because the pub won't be open yet.
 
You didn't say you were a painter as well. What style are you pre-raffle, surreal madrid-ist, cubanist or impressionable?

Gill Richards

03 February 2004 10:08

Are they any good at making tea? If you end up making as much tea as you buy rounds then it's all purely acedemic anyway.
 
Definitely impressionable. lots of snowmen in blizzards.

Vile Jelly

04 February 2004 09:53

No idea. I've never managed to keep them out of the pub long enough for the kettle to boil!
 
Can you do black cats in a coal mine at midnight?

Gill Richards

04 February 2004 09:59

It's a speciality of mine. Frogs on grass, worms in soil, i do them all.
 
Do you think the Tat would pay me?

Vile Jelly

05 February 2004 10:30

Probably not ..... unless you titled your monochromatic masterpiece 'The Intolerable Strain of Political Apathy in a Materialistic Society', dressed up as a woman/man/brown owl* [select according to your personal tatstes] and changed your name to Moses Hildegard Protoplasm!

Gill Richards

05 February 2004 10:57

I like the title but i'd rather not change my name, i have enough problems remembering who i am anyway.
 
Has anyone told you that there seem to be some mails missing from the web site, either that or you decided to keep stuff to yourself this week.

Vile Jelly

05 February 2004 11:16

Yes, obviously you didn't read the small print of THE PRONOUNCEMENT either. I have received a stroppy e-mail from Helling accusing me of all sorts of heinous crimes from misogyny upwards (to be published this week if her assassins haven't caught up with me first). The accusations are all true, of course, but not, in this instance, why only some e-mails got promulgated. It's not that they didn't get replied to it's just that they didn't all get promulgated because I am trying to get some small shred of relevance back into the e-mails section which has swollen to such proportions (just cracked 400+) that it takes up too much space and time.
 
Don't forget all you have to do is scribble a few mutterings in your individual e-mail maker whereas I have got not only to come up with replies to everyone but I have also got to render them into a web-able format. Winwaloe's e-mails are an absolute ****ing nightmare to try to promulgate. I have long since given up trying to correct the spelling and grammar but what you don't realise is that they don't even line up properly when they are copied and pasted so every single sodding line has to be re-formatted. Yours aren't much better to be honest, the spacing isn't quite so wonky but they come in a different font, font size and even colour (British Racing Green if you are interested).
 
So, each e-mail has to have a new web page created for it. The e-mails have to be assembled in the correct chorological order (a bloody nightmare when Maeve or Winwaloe 'go off on one' and we start batting back and forth several different strands at the same time). The e-mails have to be reformatted and the pages have to be hyperlinked to all the relevant parts of the site. I've got hard copies of all the site and the e-mails section is now into its second lever arch file. Try printing them off and you'll see just how much there is!
 
Under the circumstances is it any wonder that I have been driven to despair and the Reporting Team have been driven to drink?

Gill Richards

05 February 2004 11:26

sorry i asked.
 
i did read it. 3 weeks ago. my memory's not so good.
 
so what colour and font would you like? and why do you print them off?
 
go and have a drink

Vile Jelly

05 February 2004 17:14

Sorry I answered. Why did you ask?
 
Oh well, at least seeing the same things in SSI every week will be a new experience for you every time.
 
Paisley Wingdings ..... Actually that's a good blunt (which is much like a good point but not so threatening), Frontpage just says 'default' and 'normal' in its idiot boxes, it doesn't actually say what the default is (or define normal but in fairness to Mike Rosoft that's a problem a lot of us struggle with!). You can select all sorts of alternatives from Times New Roman, Daily Telegraph Neo-Nazi Gothic, Grauniad Pisprintz, The Sun Gibberish, etc. down to Mesopotamian Hieroglyphics but what it's actually using as the default is beyond my ken (and Reporting Team). N E Way, to be honest the font thing isn't that difficult to fix cos you can select all the text and fix it at the flick of a bogey. It's the weird spacing that does my head in. I don't know what Winwaloe's using but in the format they arrive at my end of the transfusion it would only be marginally slower to transcribe his e-mus into illuminated manuscript! - Because when I started out I wanted to keep a hard copy in case things went prune-shaped and I had to do it all over again. Then, like Magnet Magnetson, once I'd started I had to finish. At least if the bailiffs come hammering on the front door for us the RT will have something heavy to drop on their heads from the bedroom window.
 
No money. I am lying in wait at the front door in the hope that I can capture one of the RT when they roll in for tea and squeeze some alcohol out of them.

Gill Richards

06 February 2004 14:27

I don't know why the spacing goes all strange. I receive them with v odd spacing sometimes, yours are always ok but the lot goes off to the right after time . Blame Microsoft, i would.
 
I can always make the text black if that would help.
 
Shaun should have plenty in all that fleece.

Vile Jelly

06 February 2004 15:50

I was going to but then I saw a report from Lord Hutton saying that Microsoft was a charitable organisation that had lost money hand over fist while bringing universal peace and contentment to all. Personally, I wasn't of that opinion but who am I to query LH's objectivity?
 
It would be more help if you could nip round to W's and give him and his computer a slap in the vitals and tell them to stop being so bloody awkward all the time.
 
Yes, but that assumes I can (a) see in the dark, which is when they tend to come home, and (b) I grab the right person. Have you ever squeezed an irate hedgehog? Lawks that makes your eyes water!

Next    Back    Home    Site Map

 
I (thatís me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.