Helen Bristol

15 March 2004 12:19


Like Gill I'm on leave for a few days - though not the whole week.  Big Soeur and husband have just left after spending the weekend with us.  No plans as I'm back on the painkillers again.  No, no.  No sympathy please. 

Vile Jelly

15 March 2004 14:17

Would you settle for a small concerto?
Are the pain-killers a result of acute spine-itis again or just the result of a weekend of over-indulgence with the relis?
PS. If you're stuck for something to do you could always write a witty and scintillating oeuvre for SSI.
PPS. More ructions at the Slupe. The way things are going it looks like the RT will have to get a job behind the bar if they want to get served!

Helen Bristol

15 March 2004 15:09

Oh, go on then - let's go for a full-blown oratorio.
Could be a bit of both.......possibly.  BM, BS and I went birdwatching and ,as I didn't want to spoil their enjoyment of the day, I walked further and faster than I have been doing of late and could feel it going.  BM's come out in symphonietta, reckoned his went while he was cooking last night.  Y'know how it is ?  Not quite sure how alleged over-indulgence could give me backache - even a large glass of wine isn't all that heavy. 
PS I'll think about it.
PPS  Who did what to whom,why,when and how?  (You)/they haven't been blackballed, have you/they?

Vile Jelly

17 March 2004 09:00

Oh, please not this early in the morning. I can barely manage the old chamber-pot music first thing!
Perhaps it was lying camouflaged in the mud marshes with Bill Oddie that did it. Talking of which, (I can't remember now whether it was in the local or national papyri but) did you see that hilarious story about the spotting of a rare (their term, I don't the first thing about orthodontry or whatever it's called) American robin t'other week. Apparently, legions of twitchers descended upon the area just in time to observe it being scoffed by a sparrowhawk!
PS. Too late, you've already done it (according to the order your e-mus arrived in). I shall hand over the editorial reviewing reins to the RT as soon as I have finished my daily drudgery on the beige beast.
PPS. Don't mention the Shauns' whatsits in public, it's very rude. All (or some) will be revealed in this week's report from the team that put the 'bullet' in bulletin!
PPPS. Talking of the Shauns, we appear to have unearthed (or unsea-ed) Lucy's mysterious origins. It looks like she could actually be Cornish (that would explain the stroppiness!). From Padster no less. Mayhap she might be a refugee who fled to the East Anglian bayous to escape the evil machinations of Rick Stein. Another scoop for this week's news.
And to think Wimp-waloe used to moan that the RT didn't have their paws on the pulse of St. Ives.

Helen Bristol

17 March 2004 13:42

Early?  Oh the decadence!  CM is usually bouncing about the bed at 05.45a.m. trying to convince us (well, usually BM) that a) its breakfast time, b) he NEEDS to go outside.............NOW or c) its a lovely morning so why are you still in bed?  Still never mind.  If you can't cope I'll settle for a gentle aria.
The thought of it makes me go quite weak at the knees, which is probably how we ended up prone in the mud.
Yes I heard about the American robin.  Bet the robin didn't think it was hilarious.  Should think the twitchers weren't too chuffed either.  BM said you had something rare at Godrevey as well........but I won't go down that path.  We had a visiting sparrowhawk last year.  It *terrorised (am I allowed to send that word through the ether?) our garden for several months.  Then I had a load of trees pruned and it was able to see from its usual perch, over the outbuilding and down to the front of the estate to a tree where lots of birds were nesting. It swooped down towards the unsuspecting flock quite ignorant of the greenhouse in its path. There was a thud and one sparrowhawk had its terminal come upance, and we had a broken pane of glass.
Not my fault if the emu got delayed in the ether. Typical! Most mortals have to make do with a bete noire. Why does yours have to be a different colour?
We watched Chalkie and his Man last week expecting it to be about the Newlyn pilchardery 'cos when we were in the SW last time we visited there and the bloke said Chalkie's Man had been filming there.
* I sent an invitation to the Great Pharoh where I work asking if he'd like to address the minnions.  It got bounced as a hoax.  There's gratitude for you.  I wouldn't have been surprised if it had been using this terminology, but it was in normal English.

Vile Jelly

17 March 2004 16:31

I was speaking metaphysically or waxing lyrical/my boots/my legs/whatever.
But I thought the whole point of enjoying nature was enjoying the naturalness (naturalicity?) of it. What could be more natural than Mr. Sparrowhawk tucking into the Boy Wonder? What could be more unnatural than a horde of cagoule-clad anal-retentives lurking in the bushes for a spot of voyeurism? No, hang on, that's MP's and Clapham Common, isn't it? Actually, we're spoiled down here (you'll be delighted to know) for hawky things. That's one of the many bonuses (boni? boney?) of leaving the emmets on the beaches and hitting the Coast Path. They love to hang on the thermals coming off the cliffs and pick off the local fauna. See them at it all the time. Big buggers some of them as well. Which may explain why some of the less sturdy ramblers don't return from the Coast Path! Thought we had buzzards circling Rosewall Hill in the summer but someone said they're just kites.
Well, I can hardly call the RT my betes noires as they are obviously of various spectral denominations. As for the Shauns I don't think the subject of bits noir is one they like to discuss in public!
PS. So, Pharaoh said 'Tut Tut', did he? Well, at least you now know what it feels like to be one in a minion!
PPS. Sorry. It's been a hard day. I'll try to do better next time.
PPPS. Winwaloe is back and, as usual, firing on no cylinders!

Helen Bristol

17 March 2004 16:55

Pah, we've got/had buzzards and the occaisional osprey.  That's one of the disadvantages of living in the bayou - not many cliffs to get thermals off of. Mind you, in the depths of winter I wouldn't be without my thermals.
PPS ???  What's been hard about it?  I've been on holiday.  Back to work for 2 days and then a whole week off.

Vile Jelly

17 March 2004 17:03

I stand ..... well, slump, corrected. As I said before I'm not a birdist so I wouldn't recognise a rare bird if I ran over it. But I probably might be able to do something with the result; red wine, shallots, mushrooms, a hint of cinnamon perchance. Mmmm tasty. No wonder the things are so rare when they taste so good!
Like wot I spoke, more (or less) will be revealed in the next promulgation. I can not speak of it now for the words are like ashes in my mouth. Suffice it to say that the past is not what it used to be.

Next    Back    Home    Site Map

I (thatís me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.