Gill Richards

05 April 2004 13:45

RE: where am i?

My brother can deal with the wetsuit crisis. If he has a son stupid enough to want to go in the water in this weather, then it's his problem.

Is it the one across the lane from the camera shop? If so i've been in there!
I might well do that that, it is a plan with merit. I was offered the chance to go a couple of weeks ago when i was extremely tired, but as i pointed out, i was tired because i'd had the week off work so it wouldn't help really would it? But I may be able to twist a few arms again.....

5 years seems to be long enough for things to be called vintage now. Standards are slipping.

Just travelling to Executor may be the problem, it's not a wonderful place.

Vile Jelly

05 April 2004 13:58

Aye, that it be, lad. How did you find it? Personally, I quite like a lot of what they do and how they do it but it's not really in the price range of a St. Ives flunky so I have to rely on the chastity of others when it comes to dining out!

So, as Chubby Checker would say, twist again like you did last wheneveritwasyouweredownhere.

Well, I have got a couple of bottles of 1980 and 1983 to keep me going until the latest addition to the family matures!

Gill Richards

05 April 2004 14:39

Just sort of came across it really......!! ;-)  Very nice i thought, Paul had the sausages as he doesn't like fish and they were good too.

Definite plan for July 9thish but i have a week off 3-7 may, so if i can persuade the olds...

I am quaffing some white port at the mo. Very nice for an aperitif.

Vile Jelly

05 April 2004 16:43

John Curnow's finest. If you like your meat he is THE MAN. As we no longer have to feed the 5,000 at Crimbo and aren't that bothered about turkey we indulge ourselves with a proper fore rib of beef. Near the time we just tip him the wink and, hey presto, like another JC (Jesus Christie) the man is a miracle worker and his meat is like another Christie ..... Linford. Well hung! Roast beef so succulent it almost melts in your mouth!

Get persuading ..... what sort of parents are they if they don't look after
their children!

Found white port a bit of an oddity. I tend to like my aperitifs sharp (e.g. G&T's with a big wedge of lemming or slime) to get the taste buds tingling. White port wasn't unpleasant but a bit too overpowering for my pre-prandial needs. On the udder hand, post-prandially speaking ..... the finest port, the best fromages de monde, a log fire, old friends, all the time in the world. If that isn't the afterlife then god should be sacked for gross incompetence!

Gill Richards

06 April 2004 12:05

Does he have the butchers shop near the Slurp? If so the olds go in there regularly. Turkey is a bit bland. We had it last crimbo as we were all at my brother's so it was the done thing, but the normal 2 or 4 of us have something else - duck, goose, beef anything that takes our fancy. Sounds delicious - the beef not Linford, although i'm sure Helling will picture him in lycra shorts!

Asked the olds - they will be there at the weekend of the blank holiday, but coming back when i want to be there. The course of true beer never runs smoothly, but i shall work on it.

Know what you mean. i prefer a G&T or a dry martini. When i say 'a' i actually mean 2 or 3. Alternatively champagne at any time!!!

Like it. That really should be an afterlife.

Vile Jelly

06 April 2004 14:20


Yes, I know but don't tell Taner that! The beef was succulent but it's
probably best that we leave me to my (chilli con) carnal pleasures and Helen to hers!

Typical bloody parents, eh? It's all there fault. You didn't ask to be born, etc. ..... They're so UNFAIR!

Believe me, if Soupie's about you're lucky if you can get one G&T down your neck before it's all gone. Decent 'poo is always a bonus although I do have to do mental exercises to get round the baggage of all the snobbery that's associated with it.

Unfortunately there is ..... and I've died and gone to hell, t'would seem!

Gill Richards

06 April 2004 14:40

Ha! I'm almost a local!!!

ok. best thing, personally i think lycra shorts are a little too tight...

They are. Although to give them their due they did say i could go down on my own: bit lonely though i think, i shall have to work on a companion.

There is isn't there? I admit that a certain foreign store of which there is one in Penzance had some 'poo substitute at crimbo. Made from the Chardonnay grape, which is the only requisite (apart from being made in Champagne) to get the proper name, and plenty of fizz, it was most quaffable, didn't get up your nose and didn't give you a bad head in the morning. Now what was wrong with that i ask?  Some people may say you have to buy the real thing from Moet, Mumm, Bolly etc. I find them a little too dry and harsh, but at £4 a bottle you could drink this all night!!!

But at least you experienced it.

Vile Jelly

06 April 2004 17:18

Welcome to hell. If there's a worse thing than an emmet to be these days it seems to be being 'almost a local'!

I'm sure you'd be able to pick up all sorts of disreputable types down here. Easter hols are here and the world and his dog are pouring in. You'll be spoiled for choice (although possibly not lycra shorts as beach/bush baggies seem to be the short of choice down here).

Real 'poo is nice but it is actually, just like the upper-class twits say, best savoured by guzzling. Trouble is, if you're on the (stale and mouldy) breadline like moi it is difficult to relax and enjoy it. You just end up sipping pathetically as you count the cost of each guzzle. The best solution is to find rich friends who are frequent marryers and freeload but, alas, I don't even have honourable enemies, let alone friends and so, the Reporting Team is reduced to lurking on wedding cakes pretending to be decorations in attempt to get a drop of the good stuff!

Yes, but I wouldn't recommend it.

Gill Richards

08 April 2004 09:02

It certainly seems to be for you. From the people who don't matter anyway.

No thanks. I'd rather take someone i know. And i'm not sure about the spoiled for choice bit, i haven't seen anyone to swoon over in the many years i've visited. (Baggy shorts just don't do it for me.)

I must have the wrong friends; the ones who have got married recently don't understand what real 'poo is. I've never seen a sheep on a wedding cake...

But you would. I was talking about the port, cheese and fire scene.

PS I'm feeling a bit lonely. No-one else has come in today.

Vile Jelly

08 April 2004 09:47

You've obviously been looking in the wrong places when you were down here. Why, even as we speak, you can stroll down the Wharf and see many a fine figure of a .... er .... um ....

OK, point taken. Maybe a week off in Slough would be more beneficial!

Still, better defective friends than none (as St. Paul said in his 2nd Epistle to the Polynesians!). You obviously haven't been to a wedding in New Zealand (or Wales) ...

Yes, but that was the nice 'theoretical' afterlife. I was referring to the 'hellesque' afterlife where you spend all eternity in a pub kitchen working a triple brekkie-split over the August Bank Holiday weekend!

PS. Perhaps they've all pulled a sicky so they can beat the traffic rush to
St. Ives! (Too late, anyway. The burg is already brimming). Personally, I
intend to do what Jesus did and just stay in bed for three days over the
Easter weekend!

Gill Richards

08 April 2004 10:04


No i haven't. Wouldn't mind New Seal Land wedding or not. Maybe not Wales though...

Yes that sounds like hell.

No, they've 'officially' gone on leave, whether to fill up St Ives or not i don't know. He didn't spend all three days in bed, he got up eventually, to eat his easter eggs one assumes.

Vile Jelly

08 April 2004 16:21

I plead guilty as charged and throw myself on the mercilessness of the

Nowt wrong with Wales (unless you're a Shaun - allegedly!). You do have to worry about Australia and New Zealand . Any country where the numerically dominant species is sheep .... ! Spending my deformative years in the People's Republic of Ormskirk I used to go on family summer hols to the furthest reaches of the Lleyn Peninsula. Very nice to look at and explore (book your exploration today and get the added bonus of Snowdonia absolutely free!). Not geo-graphically/logically dissimilar to this neck of the woods. They didn't care much for the 'sais' either but, unlike the Cornish (hem, hem!), hadn't forgotten how to speak their own language!

So, as you will gather from this and my previous ramblings, what with St. Ives and the Isle of Man I have existed, if not been actually born, in several Celtic 'lunatic' fringes! Very refreshing too. Like travelling abroad without the annoyance of getting stuck with a load of 'bloody British tourists'! Blasphemy, I know, but ..... I'd probably have to give the IoM the Golden Armadillo for best culturally odd place to live. Not just the Celts but Vikings too! Did you see the Julian Richards 'Blood Of The Vikings series? When they were doing the initial set up the tests scenario I kept boring friends by predicting that he would go to the IoM as one of his locations and find a bloody big genetic fingerprint. And he did and he did. Of course, I wasn't surprised. I coached a junior footie team over there for a while. Never seen so many red/blond-haired, green/blue-eyed, left-handed boys in all my life!

PS. Further research has now revealed that Jesus did, in fact, see the hordes arriving for the Easter weekend in St. Ives and promptly lost the will to live. However, on being contacted by a medium who advised him late on Sunday that the B&Q Double Discount Mega Sale was on FOR ONE DAY ONLY he promptly arose from his death bed so that he could be at the head of the queue on Easter Monday. Sadly, not long after he 'ascended to heaven' as a result of a freak DIY accident while creosoting the new decking for the gazebo. Hence, his immortal quote 'Father if it be possible let this Cuprinol pass from me'!

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