Helen Bristol

14 November 2004 18:21

Re: Hello again

Dear RT,
There you go again, misinterpretting a perfectly innocent statement.  It must be the bad influence VJ has on you darling little fluffy things.  I said it like it is - patient come to the hospital for treatment and is sent home with a programme of exercises/activities to practise during the week at home until the next appointment. I can always tell those who do and those who don't. It's all part of Mr Tony's new wheeze for cutting waiting lists.  Do all (or as many as possible) ops/treaments on a day care basis, ergo no bedblockers cos there's no beds. Clever or what?
Anythingelse (and I can't imagine what you had in mind) is a figment of someone's warped thought processes.

The Shauns

16 November 2004 09:43

We are not deer, we're sheep. Also, we're not dear as we are very cheap to look after. All we need are 40,000 gallons of beer and g&t every day. That's not much to ask for, is it?
If you are trying to appease Toady Blah's bean-counters wouldn't it be easier to kill off your less profitable patients like those other nurses have been doing? We'd help but we only hunt and eat healthy humans.
They don't call him VILE Jelly for nuffink, y'know.

Helen Bristol

16 November 2004 18:51

Oh dear. Not deer.  It's not what I've herd.  I wouldn't want to go around saying I was cheep.  It might be misconstrued. 
I think you ought to be kind and gentle with VJ.  He's not feeling himself at the moment.  Perhaps you could take him out for a drink.  I'd do that myself but it's rather a long way to come just for a night out on the piss.

The Shauns

17 November 2004 09:36

We don't do the 'herd' thing. We are specialists in flocks (espesh the wallpaper. It's tasty and nutritious.) We thought you were Miss Bristol. When did you change your name to Construde? You haven't married a Mr C have you? And, if you have, does BM know yet?
Jelly not feeling himself? Who is he feeling then? None of us are coming out of the pub until we know we're safe from him. We don't want to be materialistic about this but we like being plush and furry, we don't want to be felt!

Helen Bristol

17 November 2004 18:44

Since when do you get flocks of Sonics, Orms or soup dragons. Your homework for tonight is to write a list of the collective nouns for the RT, e.g. a spike of Sonics.
VJ hasn't been telling you the whole story has he?  I'm Mrs. B.  I thought I'd work my way through the alphabet until I found one I liked.  BM knows everything, that's why he's so clever.
I see the latest stuff is boiled wool!!

The Shauns

18 November 2004 09:56

It's a SPIKINESS of Sonics.
A slither of Orms.
A flatness of Erics
A tureen of Soup Dragons
A naughtiness of Barts
A flock of Shauns aka an attack of Vicious Killer Sheep
A dessert of Roobarb & Kustid
A scuttle of lobsters .....
..... oh, and a pubful of RTs.
We feel sorry for Mr Zebedee, then. Unless you become a mormon or start doing a Liz Taylor he's going to be waiting a long time for his turn! And BM doesn't know everything. Else why did he want to talk to Windbag about Landies? (And why would he want to talk to Windbag about anything unless he is a masochist or an utter fool!).
Urk! We hope they let the sheeps take their wool off before they boil it. Anybody who tries to boil us will be subjected to a severe hoofing, viciously killed and then reprimanded.

Helen Bristol

18 November 2004 17:56

VERY good, you deserve a gold star for that except you omitted VJ..'though ,on second thoughts, isn't a VJ a collection in itself (hisself)?
I didn't say I was going to work through them in alphabetical order....

The Reporting Team

20 November 2004 15:38

We'd rather have a Gold Label!
An excrescence of Vile Jelly (could there be more than one?). How about that then? And you thought we spend all our time in the pub pickling our brains.
But you did say you were working your way through the alphabet (or alpha males?). How do you do it then? Draw letters from a tombola?

Helen Bristol

20 November 2004 16:07

What the beer or the absinthe?
??  Sorry I misread that.  I thought it said "excellence".  It's an easy mistake to make when you're wearing the wrong glasses.  The ones for computer work are downstairs and I can't get down there at the mo as BM is taking up the stair carpet.  No I didn't - I know  that's what you do.
That's my secret - even I don't understand how it works.  Anyway if I revealed it I would be at a disadvantage - all the alpha males who's name was next on the list would go into hiding!

The Shauns

20 November 2004 16:29

Oh, the beer. Absinthe is extremely dodgy. It's french for a start.
Excrements would probably have been closer. Can't you just squeeze your eyeballs into the right shape so you can focus? Works every time for us. We can even get it work on VJ although he does complain about it. You'd think he'd be grateful to have proper vision, wouldn't you?
Perhaps you could supply us with a selection of names. We could calculate odds for each and then everyone could have an alpha-bet on who's next. We'll even cut you in for a small percentage of whatever profit we make (or 100% of any loss).
The Shauns

Helen Bristol

21 November 2004 13:11

Thought you'd say that.... but what, apart from being "cheeses-eating surrender monkeys" is wrong with being french?
When doesn't he? If he had proper vision it could go either way - things could look a whole lot better, or infinitely worse.
Well, I started out with M but can't remember that far back to get them all in the right order.  I'll sit by the roaring log fire with my slippers and pipe and have a good old-fashioned reminiss.  I'll probably be able to come up with an anagram of the initials............

The Sonics

21 November 2004 15:47

You need more than that? How about spending most of the time since WW2 collaborating with the Germans, after spending most of WW2 collaborating with the Germans. Plus they wear stripey shirts festooned with onions.
3.38pm on February 22nd, usually. Perhaps we should just pluck out VJ's vile jellies (a la King Lear) and remove all doubt. What do you think?
You've had that many? Or is your memory just going? Why is the log fire roaring? Is it fierce? The Shauns are very fierce but they don't roar. It must be ferocious. Perhaps you should handle it with care (and keep BM nearby in case it needs something fed to it).
The Sonics

Next    Back    Home    Site Map

I (thatís me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.