Helen Bristol

27 November 2004 17:44

Re: Hello again

Anyone could be, probably many are.
 
If he does, that will make the whole scheme all the more delicious. Think of the irony - BM paying you to come and stay here.  And he a scotsman to boot!
 
If they keep making do solo duty, are they trying to tell him something (other than that he's vile)?

Reporting Team

28 November 2004 16:19

But he's got the trademark and copyright.
 
Particularly if we cooked it in a red wine, tomato, garlic and rosemary sauce. We'd rather not think about the ironing. VJ's absolutely useless at it and we were hoping you would do ours in return for a few G&T's. Isn't he a rather large person, scotch or otherwise, to boot? We'd probably hurt our toes on HIM.
 
Actually I think his vileness probably has a lot to do with it. Plus, due to the curse of the PWE (see this week's e-mus with Gill), they know they've got cheap labour they can exploit.

Helen Bristol

29 November 2004 18:29

Since he's always (complaining) that he's skint, you could suggest that there might be a marketting opportunity here.  Can't think what - my brain is anaesthetised with the pong of gloss paint, and the earsplitting noise of an angle grinder.  What a day off!  Never mind, by the end of this week the decorating will be finished (always supposing that m'painter doesn't get a "shout") and the garden (the bit that's being made over) will look gorgeous.
 
OK, much as I hate doing it (ironing, that is). You bring the laundry and that rather tasty recipe and I'll dash away with the smoothing iron.
 
Look, I've read the emus and I'm still in the dark about PWE.  Explain please. It was quite early this a.m. that I looked at SSI. It seems, from summat I heard on the crystal set that the average lowly paid Brit gets about £500 pw but that sounds far in excess of VJ's alleged 3/9d.

Reporting Team

30 November 2004 15:41

Un-fork-chewin'-ately, there does not seem to be any sort of market for extreme vileness. Every time we launch a promo of his vileness on SSI we get complaints from the customers! We can understand the decorating the inside of the hut (if you must) but why the garden? We thought you said East Angular was covered in 20ft Siberian snowdrifts during the winter so no one will be able to see the garding.
 
It's a deal. Now, have you any ideas how to bump off VJ? We've tried driving a (sirloin) steak through his heart, shooting him with saliva bullets, exercising his demons and putting a poisonous snake in his bed (three days after biting him the snake died in extreme agony).
 
Protestant Work Ethic. Gill suffers from the same and is thus unable to skive and freeload like the rest of society. £500 pw! Holy Exploding Batshit! You'd be a Cornish millionaire on that sort of wage down here. VJ gets flayed £5 per hour and does a 40-45 hour week, so we're sure you can work that out. It is hardly enough to keep us in beer money (especially after Gordon has taken his cut to pay for Tony's war and re-election campaign), let alone provide for our comfortable retirement.

Helen Bristol

01 December 2004 17:50

They've all gone!  Not a builder, gardener, painter in sight or earshot. Aah the quite, the absolute peace.  CM's quietened down a bit now - wasn't too sure about all those strange males taking over the place. I think this calls for a celebration.....
 
40 x £5 is a bit more than the 3/9d you'd moaned about.  Things were worse this time last year if you recall.

Vile Jelly

01 December 2004 18:51

They'll be back when everything falls down again tomorrow. Or am I thinking of the tradesmen down here. No doubt CM will be clawing the wallpaper, new paintwork, digging up the landscaped garden, etc. as soon as your back is turned.
 
Acshually, once more you show your lack of knowledge of how society's underclass works. This time last year PDC were paying my rent, so it's a stings and roustabouts situation. Less income last year but less overheads. Choose your poison. Neither is likely to do you any good.

Helen Bristol

02 December 2004 17:52

You must be.  Over here things are built to last, and there'll be no real test of time cos it'll all be swamped as the ice caps melt. Then in a couple of centuries time some archeologist will discover this beautiful underwater garden complete with terraces and the remains of a timberframe somethingorother elevated above the rest of the site and decide it must be a ruined temple, which in some ways it is.
 
CM may claw at somethings but, to date, not wall paper. I've decided that clawing at things is attention-seeking behaviour.  He would make Uncle Pavlov drool with delight at his predictable responses. So, ignore the clawing and he'll stop doing it.  No positive feedback ipso fatso not worth bothering with. Talking of temples, I see that a small blue-y feathery thing was sacrificed to make the opening of the new temple.
 
You're absolutely right.  I have no idea how the other half lives. But at least it knows its place.

Vile Jelly

03 December 2004 09:30

And, no doubt, the anthropologists will spend many decades debating whether there really was a weird religious cult there that worshipped cats, red wine and bottles of real ale!
 
Have you ever seen that Far Side cartoon 'Pavlov's first experiment involved training his dog to attack Sigmund Freud's cat'? What a genius Gary Larson was. Such insights into human nature. What a tragedy that he decided to hang up his easel.
 
What temple, what blue feathery thing? Not Emu was it? I always wondered what happened to him. A bit like Ernie Wise really. Once his partner popped his clogs it was a one-way ticket to nowheresville.
 
Watch out! Judging from that last couple of sentences Winwaloe is tampering with your e-mails. Better get a firewall and anti-fascism filter on your computer PDQ.

Helen Bristol

03 December 2004 17:24

They may debate it but won't find any evidence - well may be, no definately some cat skellingtons (yes, CM hasn't been the only cat in my life)but all the empties go to the great bottle bank in the sky.
 
No I haven't - please send if you've got it.
 
The pergola on the terrace of course. That's just what we said, was it a blue tit or disney-esque blue-bird or what?
 
To the best of my knowledge my computer has a veritable chastity belt of protective devices - remember me complaining that I never get any of this interesting spam stuff?  As far as I can recall W hasn't laid a finger on my views.  Who's to say these aren't the sentiments of the REAL me? 

Helen Bristol

03 December 2004 17:25

Oh, I forgot to say - we are a great aunt again.

Vile Jelly

04 December 2004 10:23

But that assumes you have timed your expiration to coincide with the disposal of your last empty. Udderwise the house would still be filled with cases of unopened bottles you hadn't had a spare half hour to attend to!
Attached. Apologies to Mr. Larson. Now, get your own Far Side books, it took me ages to locate one piccy in all mine! pavlov.jpg (71065 bytes)
 
What's a pergola? A cross between a pagoda and a percolator?
 
'S funny. I don't remember seeing you at those rallies in Triumph Of The Will .....

Vile Jelly

04 December 2004 10:24

What? BM as well?
 
Me, I'm a Barely Adequate Uncle.

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