Westward Ho!

Sara Katherine Patterson

16 July 2002 00:37

Greetings from America! [Good grief, all of you? We never knew we were so popular!] 

Dearest "vile jelly",
While I'm quite sure you've forgotten me completely (due to old age or excessive alcohol consumption, I know not [He suffers from both, actually, but he does remember you. Under interrogation using truth serum (and electricity. Gosh, that's fun stuff, isn't it?) he mumbled something about 'civilised, intelligent conversation' and we can't think of anyone else who'd fit that description!]) I thought I'd give a shout from across the pond to say hello from America (Seattle, Washington, to be exact)!
I check the website regularly to behold firsthand your mischief-making ne'er-do-well ways in the village I miss so dearly.  Seattle is a sorry substitute for the hustle and bustle of St. Ives; and the noticeable absence of a decent pub - and the possibility of a good natter - has left me bereft.
I miss our conversations and do give an update on my old place of employment (and your #1 stomping ground) when you aren't busy making trouble for the good citizens of St. Ives!
Sara Patterson
(lil' ol' American from Oregon/former Sloop inmate)

Vile Jelly

16 July 2002 10:34

Haven't you heard? I am now an inmate of HMP* Sloop myself. Of course, being naturally repellent they didn't dare expose me to the general public and so I have been incarcerated in the torture chamber of Maurice's dungeon (aka the kitchen). Officially I am just the Dish Pig (souvenir t-shirts available - see Bringing Home The Bacon in the e-mails section) but have been 'promoted' to occasional breakfast cooking [Pah! He even manages to burn the cornflakes, you know!] as well.
Sloop staff update on the way soon (hopefully!) [first update out this issue] but we have been chopping and changing staff so often that they have usually buggered off before I get a chance to do them! So, if you are stuck for something to do, there are plenty of vacancies at the Sloop.
Sorry can't go on now as I am due in the slave pits any minute. Do stay in touch.
Doom Bar Paul
*Her Majesty's Prison 

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