Sleuth Pumps Sloop's Pumps!

Paul Vincent

24 September 2002

The Sloop Bitter Mystery

'ello Vile,

OK, so I've read just about everything on your triffic site now, including all the Emmet tales, which were enough to make me swear to always try and NOT act like one when I'm on the annual holiday in God's Own Town [That's why we tell the 'emmet tales'. Sadly, for every convert to the path of righteous St. Iveanism there still seem to be another 99 heather savages wandering around the burg]. I've relived the exhiliration and sheer terror of the coastal walk to Zennor (my wife glares daggers at me if I ever suggest we do that one again!).

Mysteries have been revealed - except two. The first one I know better than to ask about - I guess you'll never reveal just where the beer DOES come from at the Sloop, if there's no cellar. The second one I'll ask: what actually is "Sloop Bitter"? I mean, the simple answer is "very nice, actually"; but which brewery produces it, and what's its "real" name (in case I see it anywhere else!)? Back in '96, sitting in the Sloop's Public Bar (look, I may be an Emmet, but that doesn't mean I want to be with other Emmets!), I heard a local ask for a pint of "Sloop Bitter". So I asked for one. Very nice. So it's what I've asked for ever since. But it just occurred to me that it's probably not "really" called Sloop Bitter at all. So what's the score, O Wise One [Vile Jelly 0 Reporting Team 5]?

If you can enlighten me, there may be a pint of the same for you next July (too far away!) when I drag myself back to the Bethesda Hill 'oliday 'ome!

Best regards,


Vile Jelly

24 September 2002 19:45

Alas and alack, that is information that I am unable to divulge.

Well, to be precise, unwilling to divulge.

You see, as I am an employee of the Dark Fortress it is much like being subject to the mafia 'omerta' code. It's not that I am particularly worried about waking up with a severed horse's head in my bed [he's slept with worse - Reporting Team], it's where they'd stuff the rest of it that gets my eyes watering!

All I can say about the source of the beer is that it's not in the pub and all I can say about the Sloop Bitter is that it is supplied by a brewery with an established name. And that may be more than I should divulge.

Now, if you'll excuse me but a couple of men have just burst into the room armed with a funnel, a bicycle pump and half of Shergar!

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