The Wild Wild Western!


Once the Silver Ball was launched and the sprogs had legged it, the Mayor and the rest of her platoon rapidly decamped to the Community Rooms for a cup of char, a fag and quite possibly a crafty slug of something stronger from the hip flask. With the sudden influx of cold, soaking wet bundles of misery into the heat of the Community Rooms the place rapidly began to resemble a sauna. Using the mist as cover the Mayor made a dart for the Town Hall offices to see if she could get her fancy dress gear dry before the next event.

Meanwhile, outside, we asked a passing fool to demonstrate just how cold, wet and miserable it was. Feast of St. Eia Day in St. Ives, Cornwall 13

Then, at 11 o'clock, it was time to set into motion part two of the plan. Having given the sprogs a thirty minutes head start, it was now time to send the Childcatcher General after them! In Royal Square, outside the Western, the Mayor summoned the Western Hunt to perform its historic duty.

Actually, they don't chase the local sprogs so much these days. The municipal authorities have also empowered them to hunt down any leftover New Year Revellers, non-paying visitors, New Age dole scroungers, illegal immigrants from Hayle, etc. in order to 'spring clean' the town in preparation for the forthcoming tourist season. (You see the trouble we go to every year to make St. Ives such a lovely place to visit?).

Tumbleweed blows and doors creak in the wind as the posse moseys into town.

The Western Hunt meet on the Feast of St. Eia Day in St. Ives, Cornwall 1
In the first order of the ritual, the Mayor is ritually savaged by the hunting dogs. (If the incumbent Mayor survives this they are allowed to stand for re-election). The Western Hunt meet on the Feast of St. Eia Day in St. Ives, Cornwall 2
Then the Mayor commands the posse to go forth and hunt down all undesirables. (At which point I concealed myself in a nearby wheelie-bin)! The Western Hunt meet on the Feast of St. Eia Day in St. Ives, Cornwall 3
In order to get them in the mood the hunters are then given a drink from the Stirrup Cup. The precise recipe for this drink is a closely-guarded secret but I did here someone let slip that they had had to substitute Vimto for one of the main ingredients due to the lack of casualties on the beach earlier!  The Western Hunt meet on the Feast of St. Eia Day in St. Ives, Cornwall 4
Then, with a 'yee-hah!' and a toot on their badly out of tune trumpet thingies, the hunters gallop off up The Stennack in search of their quarry. The Western Hunt meet on the Feast of St. Eia Day in St. Ives, Cornwall 5

Next    Back    Home    Site Map

 

I (thatís me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.