..... and so the night wears on and the debauchery becomes ever more mindless. I tried to get my youth correspondents, Chris and Damon, to photograph what the teenagers were really getting up to round the backs of the shops. Luckily, it didn't matter that they didn't succeed in getting any piccies because, from what I've heard, there was no way I would have been able to publish them!

By this time, not even the SAS could get into a St. Ives pub so the crowd indulge their alcoholic appetites with various beverages they prepared earlier. Generously, many of them bring glass bottles which mean that it's not only the party-goers that get smashed.

God only knows what would happen if the Lifeboat was called out. It seems extremely unlikely that the crew would actually be able to get to the boathouse in less than an hour after the call goes out and even if they did, they couldn't launch the boat without killing half a hundred drunks in the process.

However, on the plus side, the over-congestion would also mean that if one of those drunken berks who think it's funny to climb up the flagpoles and dance on people's roofs actually falls off and seriously injures themself, with any luck they'll be dead and decomposing by the time an ambulance can get to them.

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