2 July 2004


Thought For The Week

Ta mee goll dy lhie

[I am going to bed]

It's A Dirty Job But ...

Following on from the (political) demise of Mayor-elect, Terry Murray, as reported by this august (actually it was in May) establishment, the Reporting Team can now reveal in an exclusive scoop (i.e. it was too late or too trivial to make it into the local papers) who this year's mayor will be.

It will be ..... last year's mayor. Yes, such are the joys of the St. Ives mayorship that no bugger wanted the job. So, Harry Isaacs will once more don the vermin of office and rule the roost.

Quite why no one else wanted the job is a bit of a mystery. For a start, I don't think that you should be allowed to serve as a town councillor if you're not prepared to serve as the Town Councillor-in-Chief. Seems like there are a few people who just want to pontificate about the town and collect their expenses without actually getting off their bums and doing some work.

Or why can't Keith Varnals be mayor? He knows how to run the town. Hell, he's always telling us how to run the town!

Meanwhile, the Reporting Team are bitterly disappointed that they weren't asked to be mayor. Apparently, they did have popular opinion behind them but were disqualified from serving due to new electoral laws brought in following the disaster that has ensued as a result of the Americans electing a Muppet as president!

As Good As Gulled?

There. To prove it's not just me, below is the regular Gulliver cartoon strip blagged (purely for illustrative purposes) from this week's Cornishman.

If any ems are wondering (or offended); (1) it's a joke and (2) it's a dig at those who bitterly complain about the depredations of the seagulls and want them all culled.

The Sweet Smell Of Success?

A new venture at the Land's End carbuncle has proved to be too good for its own good! The Cornish Sweet Manufactory is churning out thousands of sweets and attracting up to 500 visitors per day. However, it's not attracting any new employees, which the business needs to expand and take the strain off its existing workers.

"Finding people with the right skills and attitude is becoming increasingly difficult," lamented the Land's End Distraction's general manager.

Nothing to do with offering crap money, then?

Oh, Do Be Careful!

Sad news this week as a four year old boy was drowned off Portheras Cove (near Pendeen).

There was no 'negligence' on anyone's part, it appears to have been a pure accident but it just serves to show how potentially dangerous the Cornish coast is.

That is the bloody Atlantic out there. It is the roughest and most unpredictable ocean on the planet. Why do you think the Cornish coast is littered with shipwreck sites? And we're not just talking about ancient history. It was only last year that the USS Tony Blair came to grief on the rocks near Sennen Cove. There is an actual shipwreck in Portheras Cove itself, parts of which are still being removed.

So, if you do come down here for a splish-splash remember you're not in a hotel swimming pool or the Med. The Coastguard confirmed that the area's weather conditions at the time of the tragedy were force 4 to 5 winds, 5 to 6 feet surf and a powerful undertow.

Pay attention. Most of the smaller beaches and coves don't have lifeguards and you can't rely on the emergency services to pull off a miracle rescue every time things go prune-shaped. The combined efforts of the inshore and all-weather Sennen lifeboats, the St. Just Coastguard cliff rescue team and an air-sea rescue helicopter from RNAS Culdrose couldn't save that little boy.

So, be aware and take care. You want to be taking your pasties home in a box, not your relatives.

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