2 August 2002

The Reporting Team Is One!

Whereas Vile Jelly is just a right one!

Hoorah and felicitations to us. As far as we can make out (we mistakenly put the Shauns in charge of record-keeping in the early days) Spooky St. Ives is one year old. Pretty funky, eh?

Who'd have thought that we'd last a whole year without being arrested, sued or just roundly ignored. Thanks to all who have supported our little foray into the Wild Wacky World of WWW's.

Just think, this time last year Vile Jelly didn't really have a clue how to set up and run a proper website whereas now ... OK, so we won't pursue that particular thought just now. Cheers for all the e-mails. Who'd have ever imagined back at the beginning that Spooky St. Ives groupies would turn up at the Sloop, that we'd get a mention in the Daily Express or that the infamous Twickenham Seagull would turn out to be a neighbour!

Not too bad an achievement for two hedgehogs, two sheep, a flat person, two dragons, two snakes and a troll, eh?

Creme De La Crime

Things can only get better.

Also sprach Zarathustra ... and so said Tony Blair. Pity that crime in St. Ives was up on last year's figures by a mere 29.7% (nice touch, it looks so much less threatening than a rounded 30!).

A Grave Housing Surplus!

Good news for all those people who think that St. Ives is just some disposable utility for their personal indulgences. Dirt cheap accommodation is now being used, as we type, in Barnoon Cemetery.

According to reports, said 'people' use the shelter of the chapels to get pissed and do drugs during the night and then hide out among the graves during the day.

To paraphrase General William Tecumseh Sherman, apparently the only good people in Barnoon are dead ones.

The Worm Turns


Yes, folks, it's official. A propos of that balloony thing they are going to do (see 'The Balloon Goes Up' in Old Gnus 21 June 2002) spokesmen and spokeswomen from all corners of the business/public sector world are unanimous in their instructions.

Truly and indeedly, they have noticed that the place just simply can't take any more bods in. Also, they have realised that, since this balloon is the size of the Empire State Building and going up 15 miles to the edge of the atmosphere, actually you will be able to see it from almost anywhere in Cornwall (and large parts of Wales and even England).

Stupidity Squared

St. Ives Town Council are to meet with a representative of Penwith District Council to try and persuade the latter to put their hands in their pockets and support a skateboard park in St. Ives.

A lot of people thing that this would be a good idea ...

... but PDC don't think that the project is worth forking out for ...

... but Saint Ives Town Council are hoping to have the skateboard park sorted out in time for the school holidays!

Stupidity Cubed!

BT Cellnet have won their planning appeal against Penwith District Council (backed by St. Ives Town Council) to instal a telephone mast on the Wharf.

So far, so bad. I don't think anybody ever thought that the wishes of the local populace were going to be put ahead of a faceless conglomerate out to make a fast buck.

But the icing on the dog turd is that it has been pointed out that, even though they have planning permission, BT Cellnet still need to gain the co-operation of the landowners to perpetrate their scheme ...

... two of the three landowners involved being none other than Penwith District Council and St. Ives Town Council!

Answers on the back of an e-mail to the 'What Happens Next Competition' at Spooky St. Ives. Anybody who gets even vaguely close to the eventual truth will win a St. Ives (2002) Beer Festival pint glass.

If You Go Down To The Woods Today ...

Sprogs from St. Ives School recently went on a fact-finding mission (while their teachers probably went on a beer-finding mission) to Steeple Woods. Said mission included such tasks as finding signs of human occupation (which they did and several are now probably receiving counselling given what tends to go on up there in the Summer!).

Apparently, they also got to bash the living daylights out of the rhododendrons, which makes a change from the old 'keep off the grass' mentality of my educational years!

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