3 December 2004

Thought For The Week

Jean shen er my hon chouds ta mee shoh y jannoo.

[Do that for me while I am doing this.]

Boom-Time In St. Ives?

There was a brief frisson of excitement last Wednesday when a St. Ives resident received a suspicious package in the post. Sensibly, the resi took the package down to Porthmeor Beach, where, if it had exploded, it would probably only have damaged a few ems and, possibly, the Tate.

The bomb disposal squad was called in from Plymouth but, despite hitting it repeatedly with hammers, disappointingly it refused to go off.

Parents Today!

Talking of emmets, I witnessed a spectacular, but sadly typical, outbreak of emmetry today. I was walking up Back Road West when I was passed by a bloke on a bike accompanied by a sprog of about five also on a bike.

I was about to say sumpthing when a little old local lady walking the other way got in first and flagged him down to warn him that he (and sprog) were cycling the wrong way up a (rather narrow) one way street.

To which the em replied with a mouthful of abuse. Sadly, at that point, to prove that god doesn't exist (or has no sense of justice) a large vehicle failed to come round the corner by Norway Stores and squash him.

Clearly, you can't help some people. So, don't complain that we don't.

Train In Vain

Local MP and Expenses Guru, Andrew George, is set to grill the heads of the Office of Rail Regulation and First great Western over speculation that the line from Plymouth to Penzance is about to be downgraded from a high speed intercity line to a crappy branch line.

Furthermore, he is also seeking assurances that the crappy branch line from St. Ives to Penzance is not about to be downgraded to a nothing.

First Great Western would be fools in deed to incur the wrath of Mr. George for, as his recently published parliamentary travel expenses showed, he must be by far their biggest customer.

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