6 December 2002


Cheapskates!

So, now we're second class citizens even in our own district. St. Ives' County Councillor Andrew Mitchell has expressed disgust at the news that Penwith District Council are planning to create a second skateboard park in Penzance while neither St. Ives or Hayle is due to get even one!

So, next time you're motoring through St. Ives and have to stop regularly to remove trapped skateboarders from the tread of your tyres you'll know who to blame.

Don't Call Us ...

Bad news for the telephonically-challenged as St. Ives Town Council have been forced to lodge the strongest possible objection to BT's plans to remove a public phonebox from Halsetown.

Their objections are based on two major concerns; firstly, that the next nearest phonebox would be too far away in an emergency and, secondly, that the removal of the existing phonebox would dramatically alter the distinctive Halsetown skyline, to say nothing of halving the tourist attractions!

Thought For Food

Honestly, you wait all year for a restaurant award and then two come along at the same time!

The Seafood Cafe down Fore Street (not be confused with the Greasy Spoon Cafe) has gone and got a gong from Remy Martin (the french brandy people). The Restaurant Remy Awards recognise the top 20 'rising stars' of the UK restaurant scene.

Now, if Andrew Macdonald's nomination for the Golden Dogturds (being announced later this month) is successful the Saucy Chef could make it a triumphant triumvirate!

Logging Off

Life's a beech and then one goes and almost falls on you.

Following the recent storms a dirty great big beech tree at the Tregenna Hotel has had to be felled for safety reasons. Rather than let the felled tree go to waste it is on offer to local wood sculptors and furniture makers to make of it what they will.

So, if you've got a mallet and chisel handy or just have an exceptionally large family of termites to feed, now is your chance.

Home Truths

Local MP, Andrew George, has been rattling sabres in Westminster following President Blair's Politburo's latest u-turn on Council Tax and second homes. Forthcoming legislation is supposed to remove the current 50% discount of Council Tax for second homes but apparently moves are now afoot to ensure that some form of discount remains.

George attacked this apparent change of tack saying that it was ridiculous that the Blair monarchy should subsidise the wealthy while so many impoverished actual residents were finding it nearly impossible to get affordable property.

A spokesman for Blairie Antoinette said, 'Let them eat cake'. Meanwhile, little old ladies with a load of knitting have started appearing outside the front doors of many second homes!

Nearly Rich!

"Oil Found On Porthmeor Beach" the headline rang. Hoorah, we're fabulously wealthy we thought and got on to the Ministry of Mines to stake our claims. Sadly, it turned out only to be the cacky, polluting stuff. Fortunately, the oil is more of a nuisance than a pollution threat, although apparently Mount's Bay (Channel side, nest to Penzance) is worse off.

Between Rock And A Hard Plaice!

Apologies to the unfortunate one but we just couldn't resist reporting this one!

If you were paying attention last week you will know that regular contributors and top Spookyists, Andrew Macdonald and Helen Bristol, were in town last week. We met up at the Meat Draw when we discovered to much chortling ....

You see, last time Andrew was down was when the Doom Bar was off at the Sloop and the incredibly vile Tribute was in its place. So, great was the offensiveness of the Tribute that we, in fact, debunked from the Sloop and instead had a pleasant night quaffing Doom Bar at the Union.

Clearly Andrew was a man who knew what he liked ...

So, next time (i.e. this one) he was down he made a detour to Rock further up county (opposite Padstow) where resides the Sharp's Brewery whence emanates the blessed Doom Bar. There he acquired a small barrel of Doom Bar at a price that equated to about £1.40 a pint. He then proceeded to St. Ives and thence to the Sloop where he discovered that Doom Bar was ..... £1 a pint!

You've got to laugh, haven't you?

Well, we had to laugh, anyway!

[You can read more about the fallout from this night of wonders in the E-Mails Section.]

Next    Back    Home    Site Map

 
I (thatís me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.