8 February 2002


Light Fingered

Local sprogs amateur dramatic outfit, Our Kidz Are U/S, had two stage lamps swiped from a car on Monday night while dismantling their stage set after a recent performance. The car was nicked but subsequently recovered sans spotlights. The lights cost £700 each and, to add insult to injury, had been bothered from another theatre group.

It is reckoned that the cost of replacing the lights will wipe out the financial reserve built up from staging the recent production.

So, if there are any Hollywood moguls out there please send any unwanted gear, otherwise the sprogs will be forced back onto the streets to make their theatrical living!

Duke Box

A bloke from St. Ives, William Mitchell, has been honoured by Prince Chas at St. James' Palace for 60 years service as a Trustee of the St. Ives Matthew's Almshouse Trust. Charlie, who is the Duke of Cornwall on some of his days off, is also the Patron of the National Almshouse Association and presented Mr. Mitchell with the Royal Patron Award for long service. The Duke of Earl went on to praise Mr. Mitchell for his sense of family and community (and probably wondered what it was like!).

Spot The Difference

The artistic work of the children from Gwinear School will be exhibited at the Tate in March.

I'm sure you can make up the rest of the comment yourselves!

Long live Ivan Massow!

Can't See The Wood For The Seas!

A Maltese registered, Russian crewed cargo ship, the Kodima, has run aground in Whitsand Bay (nowhere near here but ...). The boat span off and crashed after the deck cargo of timber shifted in heavy seas and high winds last Saturday.

As a consequence, zillions of planks of wood have piled up in Whitsand Bay and the immediate area. This has attracted hundreds of 'wreckers' who have descended upon the coast to swipe the wood before the authorities can get their hands on it. People have travelled from as far as Penzance to collect timber for their home improvements as a result of which the share values of B&Q, Homebase and IKEA have plummeted!

Buddy, Can You Spare A Dime?

Despite the concerted apathy of the UK Government, Cornwall still remains officially one of the poorest regions in Europe. While virtually all the rest of the UK at least matches the EU average, Cornwall is one of only 46 areas in the entire European Union that manages to 'achieve' an income of less than 75% of the EU average.

We contacted 10 Downing Street to see what our alleged Prime Minister was planning to do about it. Unfortunately, all we got was an ansafone message saying, "Hi, this is Tony, I'm sorry but I'm too busy globe-trotting and being important to visit Britain. Please leave your sycophantic praise and Labour Party donation after the tone"!

Please, America, bomb us. It's the only way we'll get any help from the outside world.

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