9 May 2003


Something Old, Something New ...

Well, the May Day Bonk Holiday came and went (mercifully briefly). We think that being so soon after the Easter debauchery kept the forces of emmetry down to manageable numbers and meant there was actually room to swing several cats. (Cats, as regular visitors to St. Ives, have a semi-independent existence down here so there are usually a few round to swing. Although we don't recommend that you try it with Pushkin unless you are feeling very strong!).

Anyway, frivolity was the order of the day (kitchen serfs excluded, natch) and much frivolling was done by all. Spookily, although May Day is a long-standing pagan tradition in the UK, the St. Ives May Day 'tradition' was only revived four years ago. Some of the activities go way back when, though.

Apart from the ubiquitous maypole dancing, there was also the crowing of various sprogs as the May King and Queen, May Prince and Princess. No doubt the next couple of years will see the addition of a May Count and Countess, followed by a May Right Honourable. Hell, some day we might even get a May Republican!

Other alarming sounding but generally harmless activities included the blowing of the May Horn, the unleashing of the Peaweeps revealed in last week's bulletin and the brandishing of the May Sticks (which are just sticks that the local sprogs decorate with flowers and ribbons, although we suspect that when no one's looking they do try to poke each other with them).

Surfer The Children!

Those of you inclined to worry about the recent reports of failings in St. Ives' educational establishments will be relieved to know that St. Ives School is now .....

"The top ranked surfing school in the country"

Hurrah! That's one in the eye for those who said they'd never amount to anything in life. We look forward to the fees that will be generated as flocks of concerned parents pay through the nose to ensure that their sprogs have the finest education money can buy. 

No, seriously, they're really good surfers. They absolutely thrashed that team from Birmingham in the final!

Sherlock Holmes Award!

Snippet in the T&E this week:-

"Hayle Police say they suspect that a van was probably used to steal two large granite capstones from the entrance of a property ....."

I dunno, though, I still think it might have been skateboarders who made off with them!

Discussing A Moslem Religious Sect

Yes, apparently, and according to the gospel laid down by John Oswin, Spooky St. Ives and its few communicants have been talking shi'ite.

See Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee in this week's e-mails to get the full SP.

In the meantime, the Reporting Team and I would like to say:-

Thanks to all the people who tune in and enjoy (and contribute) to Spooky St. Ives.

This is exactly the sort of attitude/opinion/approach that gets on peoples' tits down here.

We have nothing against visitors per se. All we want is for people to make an effort to preserve St. Ives' unique character rather than treating it as a personal playground to be used and abused as they want.

We do not apologise for the views expressed herein. We made Spooky St. Ives, it is not sponsored, it does not make us a bean. If you do not like it, as the stripper said to the vicar, don't look at it!

To use a quick analogy, are there any football fans out there? OK, so if you go to a game at Old Trafford and there are 50 arrests for hooliganism what gets reported? Exactement. The fact that 60,000+ attended the game peaceably is not an issue because all these people are not a threat. The 50 hooligans are. Is the reporting of the hooliganism unfair, then? We think not because it is an important issue that needs to be addressed. That doesn't make the other 99.99% who attended the match criminals. Thusly, do we report emmet-related issues in SSI. The vast majority of visitors are lovely people (some have even bought us drinks!) but sadly, while they do get the occasional mention (especially the drinks buyers, hem, hem!) they make for slow news and few issues. What we feel the need to report are matters that, in our opinion, threaten to undo St. Ives, its community and its character. If that offends some, so be it, rather that than say 'oh yes, I saw it coming but I couldn't be bothered doing anything to stop it'. The past is not a computer game. You can not go back to where you messed up and restart the game.

We will continue to rage against the dying of the light.

Oh, and special message for John Oswin:-

Roman numeral written as IV, gadget man for James Bond!

As for the rest of the readership, we'd just like to say:-

Cheers, m'dears!

The Spooky St. Ives Reporting Team chill out in the Godolphin Arms opposite St. Michael's Mount

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