11 October 2002

The Tide Is High (But We're Holding on)

According to the boffins at the National Institute of Irrelevant Statistics we have just had the highest tides in almost half a century.

The resultant effect?

Bugger all.

Gullible's Travels

The Tate is up the creek. It's official.

The Tate Galleries are up a certain creek without any means of financial propulsion. The effect on St. Ives' very own little modern monolith is intriguing ... the Tate group will have to recoup £1.5 million over the next two years, which just happens to equate to the annual running costs of the Tate St. Ives.

There is no evidence that the Tate St. Ives will suffer other than having its budget cut ... which, given the money they have been forking out for the privilege of displaying complete crap from around the world, can hardly be considered bad news.

Hell, they may even become so impoverished that they will have to display local work. Or they may have to demolish the place and reinstate the gasworks. Either way it's a no lose scenario.

Never mind, go to the Leach Pottery instead and hang out at the various local galleries if you want an 'authentic artistic St. Ives' experience.

Poles Apart

St. Ives Town Council and Penwith District Council have registered strong concern about a Police planning application that wants to instal a 15 metre high monopole in the heart of the Penbeagle ghetto.

The Police argue that they need the facility because existing telecommunication systems are full to bursting. Critics claim that if the Police spent less time talking to their mates on mobile phones both the mast and crime problems might be significantly reduced.

We'll Meat Again ...

... don't know where, don't know when.

Actually, we do. Friday 18th October, Sloop Inn, when the Winter Wonderment that is the Sloop Meat Draw will recommence.

What's more, it's starting with a big production number as that week's mystery prize won't be a mystery at all. It has already been announced in order to lure unsuspecting punters. It is a weekend shopping trip to New York.

Let's just hope Trevor remembers to wrap up warm when he goes!

The Poseidon Adventure

Members of the indigenous natives are to be allowed to see for themselves (as opposed to actually having any input into the process) the proposals for St. Ives Harbour currently being carried out by Poseidon Aquatic Resource Management for Penwith District Council.

Plans include:-

New facilities for the fishermen. (Presumably a second Smeaton's Pier to compensate for the fact that the original one is rendered unavailable for large parts of the Summer due to dodgy tourist parking).
Improvements to Wharf Road and the Quayside areas. (Quite how the proposed mobile phone mast at the Shamrock Lodge is supposed to improve things has yet to be explained).
Development of underused spaces and buildings. (In Downlong?? Even the agoraphobic pygmies complain of crowding down there!).
A new marina harbour round Bamaluz. (I'm sure the residents and holiday-letters in Downlong will love spending several years co-habiting with a massive civil engineering project).
A ferry link between St. Ives and Hayle. (Could prove popular but only if it goes just one way, St. Ives to Hayle!).

Send your suggestions to:-

What To Do With St. Ives Competition

Blue Peter

BBC TV Centre


And that's all folks for this week. I've got to go and see a house about a man! (See Mobile Home? in the E-Mails Section). 

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