12 April 2002


Oh Bollards!

St. Ives was brought to a standstill on Monday by angry local residents protesting against the bollards on the Wharf (see previous news items).

Which was ironic when you consider that the bollards can usually bring St. Ives to a standstill on their own without any outside assistance. The local authorities have said that the bollards are a temporary,  experimental, sort of 'let's see what we can get away with' measure and that they are always open to public examination and criticism.

And if you believe that I would like to draw your attention to the link below which will afford you the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to buy timeshares in Buckingham Palace:-

Yes, I'd like to book a weekend with the Queen, please!

Great Breton

Good news! Despite the best efforts of St. Ives Town Council we will actually have something worth looking forward to during QE2's golden jubilee knees-up.

Yes, we are going to be visited by a trade and craft delegation from the Bretons (not to be confused with the French). They will be re-creating a traditional Breton market in St. Ives, much to the delight of the Cornish (not to be confused with the English).

Not So Great Brit

A cardboard Britney Spears display thingy has been nicked from St. Ives cinema. Police believe it to be the work of a Britney Spears fan who, ipso facto, is therefore unable to differentiate between the real thing and the cardboard cut-out.

Numerous upstanding citizens of St. Ives are doing their best to hamper police efforts to recover it!

It Were Different In My Time

Recent research has conclusively proved that the past is not what it used to be. An in-depth analysis reveals that the old people of this generation are significantly worse off than the old people of their generation who enjoyed a far superior former lifestyle.

In response to concerns raised about the quality of past now available to today's senior citizens the local authorities have authorised an immediate fact-finding mission to Barbados.

The Battle Of Wounded Knee!

Despite spending seriously long chunks of the last 48 hours on building work, culminating in the author being attacked by a rampaging pile of breeze blocks we STILL intend to limp down to the Sloop tonight to see what Trevor is going to win in this week's Meat Draw. Hopefully, some kind soul will rub medicinal alcohol into my insides.

Don't wait up for us ..... we may be some time!

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