13 February 2004


Friday 13th?

Unlucky! It's me.

Despite popular demand I am still in a state of non-deadness. There must be something in this superstitious mumbo-jumbo after all (as the Pope said to the Archbishop of Canterbury!).

Trapped!

Well, if you are looking for a good excuse to stay in the pub all night for weeks on end, while the wife and sprogs stay at home then Monday 23 February is the day to arrange a business trip to the Sloop. The bollards (temporary measure first introduced during the Hundred Years War) are officially due to be removed and this will entail closing the Wharf to traffic for a mere five weeks.

Of course, if you had the misfortune to be in Downlong when it got closed ..... well then, you had no choice but to seek some appropriate form of shelter while the work was carried out, did you!

What's The Story (Touring Glory)?

Noel Gallagher (the one in Oasis who writes the songs and has the team braincell) was spotted in Penzance last week. Apparently he was just on a private visit and had wanted to see Land's End.

When asked what he thought about Penzance, he took one look at the desolation, devastation and human degradation around him and said, "Christ, it looks like our Liam kicked off big time here"!

Not So Grand National

Talking of the cancerous polyp on the anus of civilisation that is Penzance it recently received a visitation from the BNP (Bigoted Nutters Party). They had come to stir up their usual cauldron of seething racist hostility in which they were more successful than they probably wished they'd been.

One by one the England for the English speakers ranted on until, finally, exhorted to boot the foreigners out, the Cornish rose up and kicked the crap out of them!

Mayor Harry Weather-Worker Extraordinaire!

St. Ives Mayor, Harry Isaacs, effortlessly demonstrated his superiority over recent incumbents by finally organising some decent weather for the Feast of St. Eia celebrations.

No one got rained on. A jolly good punch-up was had by the kids with 14 year old Ryan Wilton successfully returning the Silver Ball. Many new pennies were lobbed and the Town Vampire had a good scoff at the end of the dosh-chucking.

Even more incredibly, Harry kicked off the inflatable egg for the St. Ives RFC v. A Cornish Clubs XV. Yes, flying in the face of seemingly centuries of tradition, the rugby match actually took place ..... and St. Ives won. So impressed by this was the RFU that they are giving St. Ives the Rugby World Cup (and Calcutta and Cook Cups) on Easter Monday apparently!

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