15 November 2002

Un-bear-able (Part 2)

For all of you (which judging by the chest-beating outcries of anguish is .... no one) concerned at last week's traumatic story about the lost teddy bear we can now reveal that the bothersome bruin has been successfully relocated and returned to its careless owner.


Merlin's Magic Land continues to be a place of profound disenchantment. Property barons want to build a small conurbation on the site (starting at the knockdown price of £100,000 "at today's prices".

Anguished residents of Lelant are up in arms about the prospect, particularly as the village's present resources stretch to one pub and one newsagents. However, our ever trustworthy local authorities have their finger on the pulse of local issues ..... they've already pocketed £160,000 in lieu of aforementioned developers being obliged to build properties that the locals can afford.

The only good news is that the area is vulnerable to flooding!

And Finally ...

And that's it news-wise this week. A bit dull I suppose but I didn't want to pad it out unnecessarily. I mean who'd be interested in the weather?

It's The End Of The World As We Know It

For those of you who are unaware, we had a spot of rain the other day.

Last Wednesday night to be precise. The Stennack burst its banks and deposited rather large quantities of water in the lower part of town. The lower Stennack (road), Gabriel Street and Chapel Street were all ravaged by the raging torrent but the worst hit area was Tregenna Place which at one stage was under five feet of water.

The Stennack river takes the low road at the Stennack roundabout. The Stennack floods St. Ives, Cornwall 1
The Stennack floods St. Ives, Cornwall 2 The Stennack floods St. Ives, Cornwall 3

So, severe was the flooding that the Inshore Lifeboat was launched and had to literally live up to its name by pootling up town to Tregenna Place and then Chapel Street to rescue several people who had been trapped by the rising waters.

The scene of devastation in Tregenna Place. It's just like the aftermath of New Year's Eve! Damage to Tregenna Place from the flood in St. Ives, Cornwall 1
Damage to Tregenna Place from the flood in St. Ives, Cornwall 2 Damage to Tregenna Place from the flood in St. Ives, Cornwall 3

For those of a cynical nature it should be pointed out that, although out in support of the firemen's strike, the St. Ives firefighters turned out to a man during the crisis.

And talking of crises, one of the more serious problems arising from the flood damage is that most of lower St. Ives has no gas. As to when gas is likely to be restored ..... Well, on Thursday morning we were being told three days. On Friday morning we were being told Monday and by Friday evening people were starting to speculate that it might be the middle of next week.

And guess who is largely responsible for this parlous state of affairs?

Yes, it's our 'friends' and 'benefactors' the emmets! Transco are going round shutting off the gas house by house to ensure that there aren't any nasty explosions ..... but they can't get into some of the holiday lets and second/third/fourth/Nth homes in Downlong because there's no one there. So, we all have to suffer while they scour the country trying to track down our absentee landlords.

We say sod them. Turn the gas back on asap and if they get blown up that's their funeral!

In the immediate aftermath the media vultures swooped ..... while the media hedgehogs swooped on the media vultures! Media coverage of the flood in St. Ives, Cornwall
When I find myself in times of trouble .....

Let us seek sanctuary in the church and dry our socks on the warmth of the good lord's loving, caring shelter!

Damage to the church from the flood in St. Ives, Cornwall 1

Can the church claim on their insurance for an act of god or isn't that a self-inflicted injury?

Damage to the church from the flood in St. Ives, Cornwall 2

Now, if you'll excuse me I've got to go and inflate the Reporting Team's rubber dinghy.

Next    Back    Home    Site Map

I (thatís me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.