18 January 2002


A Wild Stab in The Dark Part 2

The St. Ives 'murder' trial ended last Wednesday when the defendant, Alison Parker, was acquitted of both murder and manslaughter charges brought following her stabbing to death Nigel Tonge, former partner and mother of her children, in a 'domestic'. The jury accepted her plea that she had accidentally stabbed Tonge in an attempt to extricate herself from a headlock. 

Various campaigners are to appeal against the decision on the grounds that an acquittal leaves them with no injustices to appeal against.

Masters Bait Us!

BT remain grimly determined to 'improve' St. Ives by building a mobile phone mast next to the Shamrock Fishermen's Lodge on the Wharf. Despite having their original application rejected by Penwith District Council back in July BT have appealed against the decision on the grounds that it doesn't allow them to make a profit and sod everybody else!

If anybody was struggling for a reason to strangle people with mobile phones .....

Should you feel an urge to protest against what has been described by the St. Ives Trust as 'an act of environmental vandalism' you need to send three copies of your remonstrances by January 28 to:-

The Planning Inspectorate

3/24 Hawk Wing

Temple Quay House

2 The Square

Temple Quay

Bristol

BS1 6PN

Quoting Reference: APP/LO825/A/01/1079820

Looney Tunes

I don't know what it is about this place but sometimes we seem to attract the scum of the universe. Anthony Mackintosh is awaiting sentence having already pleaded guilty to a racially aggravated public order offence. He got out of his car to hurl abuse at a holiday-maker, Rahul Sarnaik, while he was talking to a Big Issue seller in Market Place.

"We don't want your sort in St. Ives" quoth Mackintosh. The fact his former address was in Hayle and his current address is in Birmingham rather confirms everyone's suspicions of the mind-numbing stupidity of these gits.

Locals are now campaigning to free up court time by having 'administering a bloody good shoeing' put back on the statute books to deal with these sort of incidents!

Sale Of The Century

Now that the Xmas and New Year visitors have all disappeared one of St. Ives' best kept secrets, for many the highlight of the year, is now making its annual appearance.

Yes, folks, it's the January Sale at the Sloop! Drinks so cheap they are virtually giving them away and they're all for us because there's nobody but St. Iveans in town in the back end of January.

Bwa ha ha ha ha!*

Expect badly blurred web pages for the next couple of weeks.

Putting Their Asses On The Lion

It just keeps getting better. Tonight the Golden Lion is having a New Year's Eve Party for all the people who worked on New Year's Eve and "all the disenchanted locals". Other local hostelries have acclaimed the idea and it looks a distinct possibility that there is going to be an alternative locals-only party somewhere some time next New Year.

Hopefully, to paraphrase Gerry Rafferty, there'll be jokers to the left of us, clowns to the right but we'll all be stuck in the middle with our friends!

Bwa ha ha ha ha!* (again)

* Bwa ha ha ha ha! is a registered trademark of Deranged Megalomaniacs 'R Us.

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