19 July 2002

Something Fishy Going On

Hoorah! Andrew MacDonald's (see 'Out Vile Jellies' in the E-mails Section) jellyfish have finally manifested (or jellyfested) themselves in St. Ives leading publication, the Timeless Echo.

Proving that they're just as good as Reuters (just not as fast*), the papyrus [sic] has now confirmed the presence of the aforementioned Rhizostoma jellyfish in the bay.

Those who fear that the story may no longer be current can console themselves that there are previous unreported elements in the item. Apparently, said jellyfish were accompanied by a flock of 8 or 9 dolphins, one of whom was said to be 'harassing a large jellyfish'. 

Jellyfish molesting? Now, there's a crime you don't see on many statute books. And in any case, how do you harass a jellyfish?

*In fairness to them, it's not gathering the news that takes so long ..... it's cutting the potato shapes to print the story!

Supply Your Own Punchline!

Headline of a news story in the paper:-

Councillor's Heart Scare

Sharpen Your Niblicks

An alleged lynx has been spotted on the golf course at Tregenna Castle. (Does that make it a golf lynx?). Bearing in mind the poor bloke who had his pussy gobbled last week (see 'The Beast Of Times, The Worst Of Times' in the Aged Antelopes Section), this looks like an ideal time for you to encourage your neighbours with that irritating little yappy dog to take an extended walking break in St. Ives.

It's The End Of The World As We Know It

And, so we face the final curtain ... which is to say, it's getting to that nightmarish time of year when the teachers and pupils go on their annual month and a half long bender. The thought of the long hours of mindless, drunken, debauched behaviour we will have to put up with haunts our every waking hour.

And we don't expect the pupils to be any better behaved either!

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