20 June 2003


Haute Kulture (Part 2)

As promised last week I have now managed to scan, photo-edit, contract, expand and explode selected highlights of the second most scurrilous publication [Well, SSI was here first!] to emanate from the underbelly of St. Ives society.

The Little Tissue of Lies is undoubted proof that insanity is not so much a mental disability as a way of life down here. I have only reproduced a few select morsels as the bods that perpetrated it are, not unreasonably, trying to flog it, to cover their costs if nothing else. If you want the whole thing then you can purchase one in town (try the Times & Echo offices or Salthouse Gallery) or if you are out there in the real world why not try contacting them via their website at http://www.littletissue.co.uk/ 

In the meantime, here's a little something to whet your appetite (or knickers, if you are that way inclined!)

Little Tissue 1, Spooky St. Ives, Cornwall Little Tissue 2, Spooky St. Ives, Cornwall Little Tissue 3, Spooky St. Ives, Cornwall Little Tissue 4, Spooky St. Ives, Cornwall
Little Tissue 5, Spooky St. Ives, Cornwall Little Tissue 6, Spooky St. Ives, Cornwall Little Tissue 7, Spooky St. Ives, Cornwall Little Tissue 8, Spooky St. Ives, Cornwall

Expeditionary Farce!

Anyone who has been paying attention to recent drivelling will know that the North Inn in Pendeen has won the CAMRA Cornwall Pub of the Year. In yet another example of our selfless and unrewarded quest to bring you valuable info we made the supreme sacrifice yesterday and set off for Pendeen on t' coast Path.

Great was our suffering to get there but worse still was to follow:-

For a starter the weather was far from ideal ..... Walk to Pendeen from St. Ives, Cornwall 1
..... but we trudged on even though we lived in constant fear of being attacked by the Hound of the Basketballs. Walk to Pendeen from St. Ives, Cornwall 2
Of course, the weather did also provide an opportunity to boost the local economy (and our meagre income).

Quick, pass me the wreckers' lamp, boy!

Walk to Pendeen from St. Ives, Cornwall 3

I shall, if I ever get the time (or the royalties) do features on our further expeditions along the Coast Path, in the meantime let's just say that after a few hours of soggy trudgery we arrived at Pendeen. We took a left at the Pendeen Lightbulb (honking but disappointingly not flashing in the prevailing weather conditions) and headed up the frog to Pendeen village.

Now, we had been previously warned, both in St. Ives and St. Just, about Pendeen but .....

It's a bit worrying when the main selling point of your school is its achievement ..... in having a clean bill of health.

And they tell us educational standards aren't slipping!

Walk to Pendeen from St. Ives, Cornwall 4
At last we saw a sign telling us we had arrived at our objective .....

..... but it turned out to be a very worrying sign!

Walk to Pendeen from St. Ives, Cornwall 5
It's no use trying to cover it up with ivy, the small-print on that sign definitely says St. Awful ales! Walk to Pendeen from St. Ives, Cornwall 6
We dived inside hoping to find that it was all just a facade and nice beer lurked within. Walk to Pendeen from St. Ives, Cornwall 7
Unfortunately, it didn't.

Poor old Flat Eric was forced to sup St. Awful IPA.

Walk to Pendeen from St. Ives, Cornwall 8

So, CAMRA Cornwall Pub of the Year? Run that one past me again, will you?

Beer? Bog-standard St. Austell stuff you can find in every other St. Austell pub.

Fud? Bog-standard pub grub PLUS curries!

Decor? Bog-standard country-pub-kit stuff.

Atmosphere? Similar to that on the moon.

We really didn't get it at all. Maybe the CAMRA inquisitors were in the same condition as the 'Bleurk from Sheffield' when they went there.

Anyway, we bogged off for a pleasant evening in the Old Success Inn at Sennen Cove. Sharp's Special or Skinner's Keel Over, that'll do nicely!

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