21 June 2002


Chopping Their Bollards Off

Amazing but true. The benighted genii (or 'geniuses' for the less well-educated) that are our beloved local government organs (and we know which body organs they remind us of!) are within a couple of weeks of scrapping the bollards and replacing them with a pavement.

The work, therefore, should be due to commence at the start of the peak Summer season. The Reporting Team are already planning to set up a little kiosk on the Wharf selling tasty and nutritious drinks and sarnies to weary travellers who face an eternal wait before they can complete the last couple of hundred yards of their journey!

Ethnic Cleansing?

Strange but true, that is the accusation that is being laid at the door of the powers-that-be by CASH (Community Action for St. Ives Housing). They are planning to carry out a peaceful protest at the Guildhall against the continual spiral of house prices in the town which is making it virtually impossible for young adults and/or families to afford to buy a home in the town in which they grew up.

Local MP, Andrew George, having been a leading force in the introduction of legislation to abolish the 'second home' council tax discount, has pledged to continue action to bring in surcharges for 'absentee landlords'.

The Reporting Team say 'hurrah!' and 'get on with it'.

Meanwhile anguished yuppies from London and the South-East have formed their own protest group in attempt to speed up the removal of undesirable elements (i.e. the indigenous population) in St. Ives. If you are interested in joining forces with them their protest group is called:-

Buy All, Stuff The Actual Residents, Desecrate Selfishly

Spare A Shekel For An Ex-Cripple?

Hopefully good news. Police and traffic wardens in Cornwall are trying to clampdown on the flagrant abuse of disabled parking badges.

I have seen with my own personal eyes someone emerge from a car with the 'orange badge of lies' (aka a disabled parking badge) in the Sloop car park, put on hiking boots, consult map and stride manfully off towards the coastpath. The Reporting Team say that anyone caught fraudulently using a disabled badge should be immediately rendered into a condition whereby they are entitled to it!

Water, Water Everywhere...

Anyone who has been in the vicinity of St. Ives for the last couple of weeks will have noticed that it has been raining, rather a lot. Inevitably under such conditions St. Ives had no water for several days.

We kid you not. A burst water main somewhere in the back of beyond somehow managed to wipe out the entire supply of drinkable water in St. Ives on Sunday evening. Fortunately normal water supplies were restored ... on the following Wednesday.

Apparently, St. Ives got it worst because due to its low-lying geographical position all the crap from Carbis Bay rolled into town. So, a sort of aqua-version of the Summer tourist season, then!

'Children Worth Nothing'

Now, that could be the bargain of the century depending on what price they are selling them for ...

Oh, sorry. Apparently the Reporting Team got the quote out of context.

This was actually a comment by 'appalled of St. Ives' aka Councillor Shirley Beck on the occasion of the town council being told by Penwith District Council that they (PDC) had not the slightest intention of contributing a bean towards a skateboard park for the youngsters in St. Ives.

A spokesman for Penwith District Council said that if they built a skateboard park for children in St. Ives that would just encourage them to stay and then there would never be any more room for tourists. Tourists are worth something apparently.

The Balloon Goes Up

Never a dull moment in St. Ives. Apparently, their is a plan (approved) to make an attempt at the world record for the highest balloon flight, which will be made from St. Ives Bay at some favourable point in the Summer.

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