23 April 2004


Thought For The Week

Heem oo ny s'anmey.

[I will see you later.]

Neither Here Nor There

As the more observant of you may have noticed .....

OK. Everybody pay attention .....

A sort of Spooky St. Ives is sort of back. It's only sort of back as the Reporting Team has yet to complete the sort of all the piccies. Due to there being all sorts of unsorted bits some of the sections of SSI may still be unavailable. Some of the links may only sort of work, if at all.

In the ensuing interim of the hiatus a small mound of e-mus piled up in our electric letterbox. We tried to reply to most of them but we were rather busy and distracted a lot of the time (the tin-mine hideout turned out not to have either a bottle-opener or a corkscrew pre-installed). So, we are sorry if we missed out on any replies, unless, of course, we don't like you, in which case we are not sorry at all.

We trust that this fully clarifies the situation.

 Flower (Over)Powered

St. Ives' chances of carrying on its tradition of success in the Britain In Bloomers competition were dealt a severe blow when a gang of our delightful youths decided to trash Trewyn Gardens on Good Friday. Other areas, such as Chy-an-Gweal Gardens in Cardboard Bay, have also been vandalised, leaving the Head Bloomer to comment that there wasn't a chance of them winning a thing if the vandalism continued (unless there's a prize for most scenically located compost heap).

Tooth Be Told

Ha! The biter bit! (Or possibly the gummer gummed). In a heart-warming story local MP Andrew George has revealed that  he was recently in the company of a (yet to be named) government minister who went down with a gum abcess. As if the thought of a government minister in agony wasn't pleasurable enough, Tony's Toady was in West Cornwall at the time. Blair's Bootlicker, of course, promptly rang the new, improved, all-Tony's-own-work, NHS for dental assistance only to discover ..... 

..... THERE IS NONE IN CORNWALL.

The poor mite ended up in West Cornwall Hospital ..... whose continued existence has yet to be confirmed. I wonder if he/she bumped into Brown's Bean-counters looking for some more services to cut while he/she was sitting waiting in the A&E broom cupboard!

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished!

Ah, the joys of spring!

The first flush of emmets for the 2004 season brought about the usual traffic chaos and misery and, being a hands-on sort of bloke, Mayor Harry decided to get into the spirit of things.

Those of you who know St. Ives will be aware of the fierce competition between the various bus, coach and haulage companies to get the most ludicrously inappropriate vehicle wedged in the narrow streets of the town.

First Bus tried to live up to their name by being the first off the mark and invited Mayor Harry, a couple of town councillors and their own insurance manager to participate in the launch of their attempt to wedge an open-topped double-decker bus in the junction of Gabriel Street and Tregenna Hill.

Seeing that the First Bus driver was struggling to work out what to hit first Harry stopped the traffic in all directions. He signalled that the way was clear to the bus driver, who promptly drove into Cafe No. 4 on Tregenna Hill at the first attempt!

"If the bus driver had watched me he would have got around! I'm more than able to direct traffic," protested Mayor Harry. "I used to do it with Centurion tanks!" he continued, although this was probably not the ideal time and place to be boasting of his sexual prowess!

Meanwhile, with a busy traffic-stuffed season in the offing Sky Sports have confirmed that they will be featuring 'having a cup of tea in Cafe No. 4' as part of their Extreme Sports programme!

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