31 January 2003


Snot Funny!

Hello, humans, it's the Reporting Team here.

The big news this week is that there is no news as Jelly is unspeakably vile ..... which isn't exactly news!

However, in this particular instance his vileness has increased manifold due to him being infested with some sort of horrendous bug which has kept him either pinned to the bed or incarcerated in the bathroom for the last few days.

In between bouts of coughing, sneezing and other unmentionable acts we were able to ascertain that someone called Kenny Jazz and his Ballmen are going to be playing a gig at the Guildhall shortly, the Coastguard, etc. were called out when some f***wit decided to try surfing off Porthmeor at the height of the gales (sadly, the culprit escaped unscathed) and, as far as he is aware, it is coming up to the first anniversary of the wharf bollards and these temporary measures are still there!

There might have been more but, frankly, we don't want to go any nearer to him than bargepole length while he is in this condition.

We hope to resume abnormal service next week. In the meantime, we're off to the pub.

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