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Jelly's Jubilee Diary
| Saturday - The Jubilee celebrations commence. In
kitchen from 9am to 4pm. V.bad. |
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| Sunday - Day graciously given over for reflection.
Problems with the faeces/ventilation interface. In kitchen from 9am to
4pm. Still v.bad. |
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| Monday - Jubilee jubilation all round. In kitchen
from 9am to 10pm. Stagger home knackered, woken up by some b******s
setting off fireworks. V. bad. |
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| Tuesday - The final hurrah. In kitchen from 9am to
10pm. People enjoying some sort of gratuitous bank holiday apparently.
Consult pay check, £4.10 per hour only for the last four days effort. V.
v. bad. |
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Roll on the republic!
Meanwhile, the Reporting Team were out and about risking life
and limb (well, I'm sure the queen likes cuddly animals but the Duke of
Edinburgh would probably blow them away at the drop of a hat) to bring you some
of the lowlights:-
Rule Bretagne!
Bretons? You've got to admire their sauce! [Obscure Sloop
kitchen joke].
This is the golden jubilee of the English Queen and what do we
get? French people. How patriotic is that? I'm glad she's not our queen
otherwise we'd be mortally insulted.
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Bonjour. I am French, as you can see, because I have a
stripey shirt. |
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Check it out, guv ... I mean, mon ami. Quality gear straight
from Peckham ... I mean, Paris! |
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Now no one is looking I shall sneak out the ones I prepared
earlier ... well, got at Tesco in Carbis Bay to be honest. |
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Pah! I speet on your eengleesh pounds? Donnez moi some
euros. |
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French bagpipes. Sound just as bad as Scottish bagpipes but
are French just to add insult to injury. |
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Hello. We are here for New Year's Eve. We hope we are not
too late but we got a little lost. It is so dark in that Channel Tunnel
thingy! |
Would Jubilee've It?
Elsewhere the revelry continued unabated:-
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The whole world and his dog (or 'tout le monde et son chien'
as the Breton marketeers were muttering) descended upon St. Ives that
weekend. |
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'No, there isn't any space in the Island Car Park. Didn't
see that Spooky St. Ives website that explained that?' |
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Elsewhere on the Island religious nutters gather ... |
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... and so Methodist Jihad began their match to reclaim St.
Ives from the ungodly ... |
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... but the ungodly retaliate with Samba Kernow, who make a
racket not even god could hear himself think over ... |
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... so god is forced to send in the band from the Titanic to
bring matters to a close. |
And so to bed ...
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