Flippering Heck!


Local residents of St. Ives, Cornwall have been kept amused from early this year by the antics of Alfie The Seal. Alfie first started out playing pranks by flobbling up on to Porthgwidden and pretending to be dead.

This caused a certain amount of distress among the passing tourists and the cunning locals were able to supplement their meagre incomes by taking up 'collections' to give Alfie a decent burial. Fortunately, during the cold and dark winter days no one hung around long enough to see Alfie take his cut of the proceeds and flobble back into the sea every evening.

Sadly, this brilliant scam came to an end during the Easter holidays when some fool notified the authorities and a horde of happy-clappy, beardy-weirdies from various animal rights organisations turned up and put the kibosh on the whole thing.

As you can see from their notice, despite the fact that they are the experts they seem to be having some difficulty working out what Alfie is up to.

The Alfie notice on Porthgwidden, St. Ives, Cornwall

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Of course, as any self-respecting conspiracy theorist will tell you, it's what's going on behind the scenes that tells the true story.

Shall we analyse the matter further?

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