Fear
not, humans and other species who are hard of understanding, Sonic and Shaun have put
their hedgehogic logic and sheepish intellect to the task of deciphering the works of Show
of Hands and now present for you their comprehensively incomprehensible analysis
of many of SoH's key works. Prepare to be dazzled baffled!
Artwork (stolen from the National Gallery) is purely for illustrative
porpoises. See the official Disco-gravy
for correct album track liszts!
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Backlog
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Tall Ships
The
full version is a classic 22 minute epic (Prog-Folk??) on the subject of
the Reporting Team’s favourite activity ….. getting wrecked in
Cornwall!
The
description of the actual processes involved in this traditional Cornish
industry are so uncannily accurate that we suspect that they have been
surreptitiously joining in during their visits to St Ives! |
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Beer, Knightley … again! |
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Live At The Bull Hotel 1992
Beer, Knightley … again!
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Columbus (Didn’t Find America)
As any school sprog will tell you, Christopher
Columbo (Peter Falk in real life) did not sail the ocean blue in 1492
looking for America. He actually set sail hoping to find an alternative
route (avoiding the notorious M5/M6 interchange) to India and China.
However, due to a navigational cock-up he comes off at the wrong junction
and ends up you-know-where. (This is why, for the geographically confused,
the West Indies are actually east of the East Indies).
“Columbus
didn’t find America,
It was a sat-nav
error.
Five hundred
years of unholy mess,
Caused
by the vagaries of GPS!” |
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Beat About The Bush
Anyone’s
guess! |
Armadas*
Shortly after the sat-nav cock-up (see above) the
Spanish Conquistadors discovered that lovable American mammal, the
armadillo. Being ruthless gits the Conqs noticed that when startled the
armadillo would roll itself into an armour-plated ball which made them
quite handy as spare ammo for their cannons. Shortly after this discovery,
in 1588 the ruthless nautical Spanish King, Phillip Aye-Aye, sent a Great
Armadillo to try and overrun England, then being ruled by the ocean liner
the QE1.
Sir Francis Drake and his band of merry seadogs saw
off the Spanish Armadillo but decided to adopt the tactic themselves when
they say what an advantage it was on a long sea voyage to have a supply of
self-reproducing cannonballs.
This is an Anglo-Chilean protest song at this
unpleasant naval practice, which continued until after the Falklands War
when the armadillos used their proximity to the South American shore to
leg it and they never sailed no more.
*
In Spanish a cigarillo is a small cigar, therefore an armadillo must be a
small armada.
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Lie Of The Land
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Santiago
It is a well-known fact that it is generally not a good idea for a
sprog to try and follow in a successful parent’s career footsteps and so
when Barry, the son of Roy Orbison (the Big O), came of age he decided to
pursue a career as a professional boxer. Fighting at light humanweight
under the name of Barry O he soon noticed that most of the successful
boxers in his category were of Latin American extraction. So, he set off
to learn his trade and hone his skills in the gyms of South America,
ending up in Santiago, Chile.
Then,
in a bizarre, only Sylvester Stallone could write such a naff script,
incident, Barry is called up as a last-minute replacement for the MDF
Beetleweight title fight when the challenger is run over and injured by an
armada of escaping armadillos. However, sadly he proves no match for the
tough and wily champion, Slugger Roy Leopard, and late in the third round
in Santiago the lights go out on Barry O! |
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