Car parking? On the Island?
The whole world and his dog seems to want to park in the Island Car Park. There are only 146 spaces which are virtually permanently filled during the Summer. Frankly you've got more chance of becoming the next Pope then you have of getting into the Island Car Park during daylight hours.
There is plenty of car parking space further up in the town but everyone seems to have to just absolutely insist on trying the impossible. So, they crawl through town, clogging up the Wharf and mowing down unsuspecting pedestrians. Hot, sweaty and bad-tempered they finally arrive at the Island Car Park only to discover .....
Save yourself time and trouble by getting a street map of St. Ives and finding where the big car parks are. Once located proceed to them without hesitation or deviation.
Driver: Can you park cars here?
Attendant: Yes, sir, it's a car park.
Driver: Oh, good, can I park here, then?
Attendant: No. sir, it's full. That's why we put that sign up.
Driver: What sign?
Attendant: That one there that says 'Car Park Full'.
Driver: Alright, I'm not stupid, you know..... Why's it full?
Attendant: Because there are a limited number of spaces and they've all got a car in them.
Driver: Don't take that tone with me or I'll have you sacked. If the car park is full why are you letting cars in?
Attendant: We aren't, sir, that's why we put those cones out that you've just run over.
Driver: Right, that's it. Give me your name, you $%&@# .....
[We couldn't get the rest of this conversation past the censors]
Penwith District Council has so far declined to comment on rumours that their car park attendants are now being issued with personal rocket launchers to assist them in their jobs.
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