Aerial Assassins

"Well everybody's heard about the bird..."

Everybody who lives in St. Ives, that is. Visitors tend to be blissfully unaware of the menace that lurks in the air, at their feet and behind every wheelie bin.

Seagulls are everywhere and a colossal pain in the bum.

Seagull strikes on The Wharf, St. Ives, Cornwall 1 Know your enemy.

Not only do they scavenge in unsecured bins (lobbing rubbish everywhere in the process) but they have also taken to swooping on unsuspecting 'live' targets. They often operate in small packs and there are few sights as amusing as the look of surprise, horror and terror on the face of uninitiated tourists as they suffer a 'seagull strike'.

Top Tip

If you must insist on eating in the open, try to cover up your own food as much as possible while ensuring that your wife's/child's/friend's food remains openly exposed.

The seagulls' preferred targets are pasties, sarnies, ice creams and unprotected small children.

Seagull strikes on The Wharf, St. Ives, Cornwall 2 Has anyone seen little Johnny recently?

Back    Home    Site Map


I (thatís me) own the copyright in all the content of this site (except where otherwise acknowledged). You can read it, download it, transmit it and reproduce it only for your own personal use. You are not allowed to bugger about with it. If your computer explodes as a result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me, mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications 2001-2009. All rights (and some wrongs) reserved.