| As the crusaders neared their goal,
resistance, like boys' whatsits, began to stiffen. After a long siege they
finally managed to burgle their way into Antioch only to find the inner
citadel still fortified against them. While they were working out how to
deal with this problem a minor technical glitch cropped up. It was an army
of not-very-happy Turks who promptly besieged the besiegers. Thus, in a
stroke of military genius, having managed to get themselves surrounded
internally and externally the crusading army decided it was time to call
in god to take the blame.
God, however, was apparently not available as he was attending a
seminar on One Hand Clapping techniques, followed by a bar-mitzvah in the
evening. |
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| In despair a crusader slumped onto his pew only
to discover he had a boil on his bum. In agony he had the boil Wholly
Lanced and rushed off in search of something to soothe his pustulent
posterior. Mistaking this for a signal to attack the crusader army piled
out of Antioch and trounced the Turks. |
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| However, no sooner had Antioch been captured
then arguments broke out among the leaders of the crusade as to who would
get to keep it as a souvenir. |
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Eventually, Bohemond was able to convince the other
leaders of the justice of his claim to possession of Antioch.
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| Despite the odd doctrinal disagreement* there
was much mutual respect for each other's fighting ability between the
Franks and the Turks.
*(God vs. Allah, Jesus vs. Mohammed, horses vs. camels, straight vs.
curvy swords, etc.) |
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| At last, after a couple of years on the road
(with an occasional break to use the facilities at the motorway services)
the Franks finally reached Jerusalem.
There, in the name of god's infinite compassion, they stormed the city
and liberated the inhabitants from their oppressors, their worldly
possessions and their lives in approximately that order.
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THE END
(or was it?) |
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Were the Milleniarianists right after all?
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What were the mysterious Knights Templar really up to?
Can anyone shed some Illuminati on the subject? |
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